Monday, February 27, 2006
The Second Dream
Quite recently (well, not quite, given that many events have come into play and dynamics have since changed), P got on rather well electronically with a certain gentleman. Her attraction, sparked off as a result of her love for clever wordplay, found its way into her world of delightful possibilities in the form of a dream. It was already the second dream.
P and the gentleman spoke little (or nothing at all). They made their way into what seemed like a Japanese eatery and into the private tatami room. It appeared to be that P was dressed in a kimono. They embraced each other, their lips lightly brushing past each other and he pulled her close to his chest. P was careful not to let her bosom be pressed close to him as she is ever so conscious of that part of her.
Then his meal arrived on the table. And he began eating his bowl of food as he seated himself on the tatami floor. The fare, however turned out to be Korean. Bim bim bab he had. All this time, P laid down flat on the floor and behind him, staring upwards into the ceiling, body tensed.
When the gentleman finished his meal, he turned around to her and looked down at her. His eyes trailed along her body. P continued staring upwards and their eyes met when he returned his gaze to her face. He placed his palm faced down on her bosom and continued gliding it downwards... but very slowly. P allowed herself to savour every moment of that movement flow as her body continued to stiffen up... she thought the sensation liberating...
Quite suddenly, P's alarm went off. Her moment of pleasure that was building up got snapped back to reality. She turned off the alarm clock and threw her head back onto the pillow and closed her eyes. But to no avail could she retrieve and continue her dream as it was forever lost to the omnipotence of time...
Quite recently (well, not quite, given that many events have come into play and dynamics have since changed), P got on rather well electronically with a certain gentleman. Her attraction, sparked off as a result of her love for clever wordplay, found its way into her world of delightful possibilities in the form of a dream. It was already the second dream.
P and the gentleman spoke little (or nothing at all). They made their way into what seemed like a Japanese eatery and into the private tatami room. It appeared to be that P was dressed in a kimono. They embraced each other, their lips lightly brushing past each other and he pulled her close to his chest. P was careful not to let her bosom be pressed close to him as she is ever so conscious of that part of her.
Then his meal arrived on the table. And he began eating his bowl of food as he seated himself on the tatami floor. The fare, however turned out to be Korean. Bim bim bab he had. All this time, P laid down flat on the floor and behind him, staring upwards into the ceiling, body tensed.
When the gentleman finished his meal, he turned around to her and looked down at her. His eyes trailed along her body. P continued staring upwards and their eyes met when he returned his gaze to her face. He placed his palm faced down on her bosom and continued gliding it downwards... but very slowly. P allowed herself to savour every moment of that movement flow as her body continued to stiffen up... she thought the sensation liberating...
Quite suddenly, P's alarm went off. Her moment of pleasure that was building up got snapped back to reality. She turned off the alarm clock and threw her head back onto the pillow and closed her eyes. But to no avail could she retrieve and continue her dream as it was forever lost to the omnipotence of time...
Sunday, February 26, 2006
IN THE WORKS.
P is in the midst of a restructure. Her life, that is. In the world that she operates in- organisations that she has contact with are constantly in a state of restructuring, from debt to their hierarchical makeup. She seems very adept at mapping things out, digging at the right places and providing just the right answers in this world, enabling her bosses to "gild the lilies" as they like to put it and hence, fix up problems (or rather challenges).
P likened herself to be a magician. One with many tricks up her sleeves. But as a dilettante, there is only this much that she could pull out- a rabbit here, a feather there and then before she knows it, she has emptied her sleeves. So she turned to (what she deemed as) her "strategic alliances" and gets a quick run down of events and technical knowlege. She attempts to seize a birds' eye view of the "plot" and then made the knowledge her own. Herein, she fills up her sleeves with new goodies again for another round of saving the day (or rather, her arse). In time to come, she reckoned she'll make a bloody good headhunter. But wait, only if she stopped trying to work smart without working hard...
P came into her profession by default. She soon learnt that it could empower her to change a person's life significantly. Her direct boss quite recently remarked on a distinguished so-and-so in the corporate finance circle who received a full page coverage in the financial review. He said, "Can you imagine just one year ago, he was only on about AUD$100 000 and look at him now, his life has changed since I placed him here and he's on around a AUD$1 million in remuneration and has got himself a young beautiful wife... P, I could change your life too, you know and then also get you a rich handsome man..." Enough said.
She soon took great delight in her profession that began to look appealing for a good reason. She suddenly found that niche from the notion of the "power to change". Here, the more myopic appeal stems from seeking a possible revenge against someone who attempted to thwart her life with that individual's lack of professionalism, integrity, acumen and brains and a thirst for power. The worst combination one could have. Though sweet justice was served when that certain individual (who happened to be a senior to P in rank and age) could not look her in the face during a chance encounter and scurried away like a rat in a gutter in the presence of her subordinates who still worked under her, P would still very much love to bring her down like the way she tried to do to P- but now on her own terms. Not by sheer luck and coincidences but by sheer willpower and strategic planning. Never mess with your headhunter. Or rather, never mess with THE headhunter.
P is in the midst of a restructure. Her life, that is. In the world that she operates in- organisations that she has contact with are constantly in a state of restructuring, from debt to their hierarchical makeup. She seems very adept at mapping things out, digging at the right places and providing just the right answers in this world, enabling her bosses to "gild the lilies" as they like to put it and hence, fix up problems (or rather challenges).
P likened herself to be a magician. One with many tricks up her sleeves. But as a dilettante, there is only this much that she could pull out- a rabbit here, a feather there and then before she knows it, she has emptied her sleeves. So she turned to (what she deemed as) her "strategic alliances" and gets a quick run down of events and technical knowlege. She attempts to seize a birds' eye view of the "plot" and then made the knowledge her own. Herein, she fills up her sleeves with new goodies again for another round of saving the day (or rather, her arse). In time to come, she reckoned she'll make a bloody good headhunter. But wait, only if she stopped trying to work smart without working hard...
P came into her profession by default. She soon learnt that it could empower her to change a person's life significantly. Her direct boss quite recently remarked on a distinguished so-and-so in the corporate finance circle who received a full page coverage in the financial review. He said, "Can you imagine just one year ago, he was only on about AUD$100 000 and look at him now, his life has changed since I placed him here and he's on around a AUD$1 million in remuneration and has got himself a young beautiful wife... P, I could change your life too, you know and then also get you a rich handsome man..." Enough said.
She soon took great delight in her profession that began to look appealing for a good reason. She suddenly found that niche from the notion of the "power to change". Here, the more myopic appeal stems from seeking a possible revenge against someone who attempted to thwart her life with that individual's lack of professionalism, integrity, acumen and brains and a thirst for power. The worst combination one could have. Though sweet justice was served when that certain individual (who happened to be a senior to P in rank and age) could not look her in the face during a chance encounter and scurried away like a rat in a gutter in the presence of her subordinates who still worked under her, P would still very much love to bring her down like the way she tried to do to P- but now on her own terms. Not by sheer luck and coincidences but by sheer willpower and strategic planning. Never mess with your headhunter. Or rather, never mess with THE headhunter.
*******
P's a genius at mapping people out- she like a linking machine. She attributed this to a natural gift and intuition she has of things and how she often saw the world from a birds' eye view. Finally, her public life is taking shape. Vocabulary such as"mergers and acqusitions", "takeover bids", "strategic alliances", "strategic planning", "public private partnerships" form the milieu of her typical day at work. Ever so easily as a terribly talented "linker" of words to ideas, she applies life's experiences, in general as "deals".
So now there needs be for her to apply the vocabulary of "mapping" in her public life to her personal life. She realised her life needs to be "mapped out". Or rather, restructured as it would be a far better deal...
Long time ago, P ever so inspiring as a public speaker or persuader amongst friends, would use this same technique of optimism and discussed about the "blueprint" of future plans and "strategies" of her joint life with The Designated Love of Her Life. He, who lacked luck, confidence and enough optimisim would sometimes be roused to motivation and hope and would buy her ideas . As time goes by with the immense lack of luck that triggered a series of unforseen and unfortunate events, even P is feeling somewhat unsure...
These days when schedules permit for a nice "romantic" (read pricey) dinner that helps to serve a reassuring backdrop to their shared lives, strategies and ideas for creating a suitably sustainable future are discussed over good wine and food. P will continue to plod on with life, careful not to speed past (as she is inclined to as a rather impatient and individualistic go-getter) and the Designated Love continue to try catching up pace. Being unsettled with the progress though her intuition warns her to hold on to the growth investment, she became the system in their lives. When all along, she meant to instill a system. That became the bane of their joint lives, as the ill spirit must have gnawed their souls away . As with time, they both learn to shut up and keep this undercurrent of discontentment to themselves lest the outbreak will prove uglier than the cause of its onset...
Between the year of 2001 and 2004, P went missing in action from friends and for prolonged periods from family members. She did not return back home to where she first came from. Though home to her is ever always a notion, not confined to geographical locations. She was struggling to survive her day to day and never seemed to quite recover in personality since. Though she might argue within herself that life's constant is change and that change is triggered by experience. Hence, her personality change would have happened anyways but just in varying degrees if her then experiences were otherwise.
The Designated Love of her Life has gone missing in action ever since. He no longer keeps in touch with friends from his past world and even so, with family members. Occasionally, he writes home. Somehow P reckoned that his parents must have thought that they have lost their only son to her though P reckoned she must have caused him to become a lost soul. Though right now, P and the Designated Love stands as two individuals. Their strong connection being THE pet dog , who is more than just a pet(and who is really quite The Love of their Shared & Individual Lives) but rather, stands as a perservering symbol of their love and ultimate domestic bliss.
There are days where P would silently hate The Designated Love and he must too, for a great permanent damage was done quite a while ago. The scar will forever be penetrated deep in her unforgetful mind though for once, she wished that she had suffered amnesia from the pain that has damaged her beyond description. On his part, he probably too has lived in pain and shame since and has abandoned much of his bargaining power with her. And that too, wrenches her heart greatly for they both lost their souls (oddly to each other but) in an angst of pain. Both parties now attempt to forgive and forget by pretending to relinquish any dim recollections of that regrettable incident, that only serves to reinforce the existence of flaw. Just like the cracked porcelain bowl pieces that has been glued back together...
But their strong contrast ironically did serve as a good "fit" ( a word P is fond of using during her countless job interviews and has found its way to the vocabulary of her current unplanned profession and contributed true meaning to the suitablity of her job with her personality ). They can be complementary and serves to make up for what the other lacks in. So they both hang in there and attempt to ride on high against choppy waves for their comfort lies in the future, not the present.
P has come to adopt this notion in life- " One needs to do time". In everything it seems. From climbing up the corporate ladder, to growing up, to waiting for death.
So P did singled out two areas that required immediate attention and laid down her own terms. One for a longer term and one for a shorter term and the necessary parties have been briefed and made clear the reasons of her intentions and the time period that the deal operates on. Just like a deal/ contract, it wouldn't be legally binding if the related parties have not been made known of its existence or if the contract has even been exchanged.
Having done that, she had taken the first foundational step to restructuring her life... and she now continues to concentrate on doing what she does best-mapping. Except its her own life that she needs to give a fair go at mapping out...and on her own terms, for her own and on her own...
So now there needs be for her to apply the vocabulary of "mapping" in her public life to her personal life. She realised her life needs to be "mapped out". Or rather, restructured as it would be a far better deal...
*******
Long time ago, P ever so inspiring as a public speaker or persuader amongst friends, would use this same technique of optimism and discussed about the "blueprint" of future plans and "strategies" of her joint life with The Designated Love of Her Life. He, who lacked luck, confidence and enough optimisim would sometimes be roused to motivation and hope and would buy her ideas . As time goes by with the immense lack of luck that triggered a series of unforseen and unfortunate events, even P is feeling somewhat unsure...
These days when schedules permit for a nice "romantic" (read pricey) dinner that helps to serve a reassuring backdrop to their shared lives, strategies and ideas for creating a suitably sustainable future are discussed over good wine and food. P will continue to plod on with life, careful not to speed past (as she is inclined to as a rather impatient and individualistic go-getter) and the Designated Love continue to try catching up pace. Being unsettled with the progress though her intuition warns her to hold on to the growth investment, she became the system in their lives. When all along, she meant to instill a system. That became the bane of their joint lives, as the ill spirit must have gnawed their souls away . As with time, they both learn to shut up and keep this undercurrent of discontentment to themselves lest the outbreak will prove uglier than the cause of its onset...
******
Between the year of 2001 and 2004, P went missing in action from friends and for prolonged periods from family members. She did not return back home to where she first came from. Though home to her is ever always a notion, not confined to geographical locations. She was struggling to survive her day to day and never seemed to quite recover in personality since. Though she might argue within herself that life's constant is change and that change is triggered by experience. Hence, her personality change would have happened anyways but just in varying degrees if her then experiences were otherwise.
The Designated Love of her Life has gone missing in action ever since. He no longer keeps in touch with friends from his past world and even so, with family members. Occasionally, he writes home. Somehow P reckoned that his parents must have thought that they have lost their only son to her though P reckoned she must have caused him to become a lost soul. Though right now, P and the Designated Love stands as two individuals. Their strong connection being THE pet dog , who is more than just a pet(and who is really quite The Love of their Shared & Individual Lives) but rather, stands as a perservering symbol of their love and ultimate domestic bliss.
There are days where P would silently hate The Designated Love and he must too, for a great permanent damage was done quite a while ago. The scar will forever be penetrated deep in her unforgetful mind though for once, she wished that she had suffered amnesia from the pain that has damaged her beyond description. On his part, he probably too has lived in pain and shame since and has abandoned much of his bargaining power with her. And that too, wrenches her heart greatly for they both lost their souls (oddly to each other but) in an angst of pain. Both parties now attempt to forgive and forget by pretending to relinquish any dim recollections of that regrettable incident, that only serves to reinforce the existence of flaw. Just like the cracked porcelain bowl pieces that has been glued back together...
But their strong contrast ironically did serve as a good "fit" ( a word P is fond of using during her countless job interviews and has found its way to the vocabulary of her current unplanned profession and contributed true meaning to the suitablity of her job with her personality ). They can be complementary and serves to make up for what the other lacks in. So they both hang in there and attempt to ride on high against choppy waves for their comfort lies in the future, not the present.
P has come to adopt this notion in life- " One needs to do time". In everything it seems. From climbing up the corporate ladder, to growing up, to waiting for death.
*****
Being an effective self motivator as she always is, P has now decided to restructure her life. What are the terms, time period and which part? She came up with a few options as a banker would most probably be required to do when planning or restructuring debt for his/her customer.So P did singled out two areas that required immediate attention and laid down her own terms. One for a longer term and one for a shorter term and the necessary parties have been briefed and made clear the reasons of her intentions and the time period that the deal operates on. Just like a deal/ contract, it wouldn't be legally binding if the related parties have not been made known of its existence or if the contract has even been exchanged.
Having done that, she had taken the first foundational step to restructuring her life... and she now continues to concentrate on doing what she does best-mapping. Except its her own life that she needs to give a fair go at mapping out...and on her own terms, for her own and on her own...
