Wednesday, June 28, 2006
A Perfect Ending- The Full Circle
" 24/11/04
...I now just looked up into the sky of my window and saw the moon and the tower of Sacred Couer lighted up. Tonight seems like a full moon. A night for lovers? A night when things come full circle? Or a night if I were to make a wish, it will come true?
Strange but pleasantly surprised today. As I was walking along Rue Monterguereil at the Sentier towards Les Halles during my lunch break, I bumped into W again. I called out to him 3 times before he heard. We greeted each other on the cheeks (him kissing my cheeks just like last week but me kissing the air) and we asked how each other were doing. Then he suggested to go to one of the cafes on the street for a drink. I said yes and settled for the closest next to us and sat al fresca. He ordered an expresso and I had tea.
We sat and talked. He looked at me, observing my face and commented that I look a lot better now. There was something calm about my face, not stressed out and unhappy like before. I laughed and mentioned that I have put on weight like how my friend L had told me recently. I then said that yeah, I am calmer now. Not weeks before. as I was severely depressed but cos I was spending lots of time alone and have started keeping a journal, I am much happier. He then asked if I have had a good time in Paris. I said yes. He asked if I have been having sex and seeing other people. I laughed and said, "W, what a question to ask." He said, "Well if you do, you do. Am not going to tell your boyfriend..." I smiled and he knew the answer was yes and asked how many people I saw. I said I don't know.....
..... We parted at Les Halles as we walked towards there together. We passed the intersection of Rue Etienne Marcel and I pointed out to him that I remembered that we walked by there together (we actually sat on that very bench facing the road the night where he fingered me under my skirt and debated whether we should even have sex at all) and how now all the roads are making sense to me and everywhere is just linked up in Paris. He said, yeah, Paris is a walking city (like how he used to tell me as I complained about having too much walking :) )
He mentioned it was a beautiful day. As I looked up into the sky, it was indeed a beautiful day. Clear blue with little clouds and a healthy dose of sunlight. Not like the past dreary week of rain. A little like that beautiful day where I woke up in the arms of M. Only this time, it was a calm beautiful day of friendship and a sense of being at peace with myself. I said to W that today it was indeed a beautiful day, me meeting up with an old friend and it's always nice when it comes in the form of a coincidence. A pleasant surprise. He laughed and said, not that old; just semi old friend. I then added with a smile on my face; or may I dare say an old lover. He laughed and then said yeah but not that long. I laughed and said well, lovers are not meant to be long together anyways. Then I told him about my encounter with "The Aura", how it all stemmed from the night where I texted him for directions to the cafe, only to end up at "The Mazet". I realised that I had to stop my story when we needed to part separate ways. It was at Forum Les Halles where I met him on our first date outside the cathedral. So he kissed me on the cheek once again and we parted and promised to meet each other tommorrow..."
"25/11/04
.... When W and I finally parted at 11.45pm tonight (he needed to start work at 9a.m), he was sweet to walk me to the metro station. He kissed me on both cheeks goodbye and I kissed him on the lips. He laughed and said how funny, he was the first guy that I dated in Paris and the last guy to see before I leave. I laughed and said yup, indeed things do come full circle. We hugged and we wished each other the very best for our futures..."
" 24/11/04
...I now just looked up into the sky of my window and saw the moon and the tower of Sacred Couer lighted up. Tonight seems like a full moon. A night for lovers? A night when things come full circle? Or a night if I were to make a wish, it will come true?
Strange but pleasantly surprised today. As I was walking along Rue Monterguereil at the Sentier towards Les Halles during my lunch break, I bumped into W again. I called out to him 3 times before he heard. We greeted each other on the cheeks (him kissing my cheeks just like last week but me kissing the air) and we asked how each other were doing. Then he suggested to go to one of the cafes on the street for a drink. I said yes and settled for the closest next to us and sat al fresca. He ordered an expresso and I had tea.
We sat and talked. He looked at me, observing my face and commented that I look a lot better now. There was something calm about my face, not stressed out and unhappy like before. I laughed and mentioned that I have put on weight like how my friend L had told me recently. I then said that yeah, I am calmer now. Not weeks before. as I was severely depressed but cos I was spending lots of time alone and have started keeping a journal, I am much happier. He then asked if I have had a good time in Paris. I said yes. He asked if I have been having sex and seeing other people. I laughed and said, "W, what a question to ask." He said, "Well if you do, you do. Am not going to tell your boyfriend..." I smiled and he knew the answer was yes and asked how many people I saw. I said I don't know.....
..... We parted at Les Halles as we walked towards there together. We passed the intersection of Rue Etienne Marcel and I pointed out to him that I remembered that we walked by there together (we actually sat on that very bench facing the road the night where he fingered me under my skirt and debated whether we should even have sex at all) and how now all the roads are making sense to me and everywhere is just linked up in Paris. He said, yeah, Paris is a walking city (like how he used to tell me as I complained about having too much walking :) )
He mentioned it was a beautiful day. As I looked up into the sky, it was indeed a beautiful day. Clear blue with little clouds and a healthy dose of sunlight. Not like the past dreary week of rain. A little like that beautiful day where I woke up in the arms of M. Only this time, it was a calm beautiful day of friendship and a sense of being at peace with myself. I said to W that today it was indeed a beautiful day, me meeting up with an old friend and it's always nice when it comes in the form of a coincidence. A pleasant surprise. He laughed and said, not that old; just semi old friend. I then added with a smile on my face; or may I dare say an old lover. He laughed and then said yeah but not that long. I laughed and said well, lovers are not meant to be long together anyways. Then I told him about my encounter with "The Aura", how it all stemmed from the night where I texted him for directions to the cafe, only to end up at "The Mazet". I realised that I had to stop my story when we needed to part separate ways. It was at Forum Les Halles where I met him on our first date outside the cathedral. So he kissed me on the cheek once again and we parted and promised to meet each other tommorrow..."
"25/11/04
.... When W and I finally parted at 11.45pm tonight (he needed to start work at 9a.m), he was sweet to walk me to the metro station. He kissed me on both cheeks goodbye and I kissed him on the lips. He laughed and said how funny, he was the first guy that I dated in Paris and the last guy to see before I leave. I laughed and said yup, indeed things do come full circle. We hugged and we wished each other the very best for our futures..."
Saturday, June 24, 2006
"I Love you...
for sentimental reasons..." she likes to sing to him flirtatiously in those harmlessly sweet moments.
"And why do you love me, Darling?" she would ask playfully.
"I love you for no reason," he would always reply in his usual kind and quiet way.
"But why?" she would quip, her tone as always inquisitive and child-like. This tone of his would easily turn her mind a shade darker as it would lead her to contemplate on the residuary damage sealed by the past.
"Because you are fat and funny!" he would proffer teasingly and childishly.
"Oh Darling! Is that really why?" she would press on coaxingly as she privately suffered.
Sometimes he would assume that careful and defensive tone, like he has once again been reminded of it all.
"Well, if I love you, I just do. There is no reason why I do!" he would conclude firmly, his tone bordering on irritation.
If I could justify myself, then it would not be love. And perhaps I couldn't and shouldn't love you? She could almost hear him add on. He, too must be thinking along the same lines for her.
Then the conversation would instinctively find its way to graduate into the necessary oblivion. That much needed break.
She could feel his suppressed suffering and he must have caught on hers.
They both suffered for themselves and for each other but in private. The bond they shared from their destruction and suffering by the other bearing from this persistent and weary thing possibly called love would forever change the dynamics of their joint lives. But it gave rise to the stranglehold over strengthening the knot in this imperfect relationship.
Perhaps it's true. The best way to understand the heart (and learn the language of this elusive thing called love) is to break it. And they both did well in breaking each other apart.
With the undercurrent of those imperfections permanently serving as a regrettable reminder, there need be personal resolutions to manage their shared lives in the form of a protective strategy. That is, to consciously minimise the hurt by keeping the other happy and being made to feel as the luckiest person in their lifetime as a joint entity, perhaps just to make up for everything. And hopefully one day, it might all work and the one big regret that he now bears would obliterate with the passing of time and she too, would learn to forget...
for sentimental reasons..." she likes to sing to him flirtatiously in those harmlessly sweet moments.
"And why do you love me, Darling?" she would ask playfully.
"I love you for no reason," he would always reply in his usual kind and quiet way.
"But why?" she would quip, her tone as always inquisitive and child-like. This tone of his would easily turn her mind a shade darker as it would lead her to contemplate on the residuary damage sealed by the past.
"Because you are fat and funny!" he would proffer teasingly and childishly.
"Oh Darling! Is that really why?" she would press on coaxingly as she privately suffered.
Sometimes he would assume that careful and defensive tone, like he has once again been reminded of it all.
"Well, if I love you, I just do. There is no reason why I do!" he would conclude firmly, his tone bordering on irritation.
If I could justify myself, then it would not be love. And perhaps I couldn't and shouldn't love you? She could almost hear him add on. He, too must be thinking along the same lines for her.
Then the conversation would instinctively find its way to graduate into the necessary oblivion. That much needed break.
She could feel his suppressed suffering and he must have caught on hers.
They both suffered for themselves and for each other but in private. The bond they shared from their destruction and suffering by the other bearing from this persistent and weary thing possibly called love would forever change the dynamics of their joint lives. But it gave rise to the stranglehold over strengthening the knot in this imperfect relationship.
Perhaps it's true. The best way to understand the heart (and learn the language of this elusive thing called love) is to break it. And they both did well in breaking each other apart.
With the undercurrent of those imperfections permanently serving as a regrettable reminder, there need be personal resolutions to manage their shared lives in the form of a protective strategy. That is, to consciously minimise the hurt by keeping the other happy and being made to feel as the luckiest person in their lifetime as a joint entity, perhaps just to make up for everything. And hopefully one day, it might all work and the one big regret that he now bears would obliterate with the passing of time and she too, would learn to forget...
