Restructure- on your own terms

Looking at Facebook pictures of old friends and acquaintances in their picture perfect moments of bliss captured on camera have a way of making feel somewhat pensive and nostalgic. Well, perhaps laced with an inexplicable sense of envy. I recall our days of youth of fun with these people. Many of us sure partied hard and led such charmed lives. How everyone has moved on with the times, some looking seemingly settled with a picture perfect wedding party, or having a  beautiful young family or some still continuing to wine and dine and party in style... but on the internet, they still look the part , like the charmed life of our youthful carefree-ness and excessive discretionary spending never quite left them. Even some of the ex-nerds have seemingly moved up into charmed social circles.

And here I am, feeling somewhat empty. 

Wondering where my life will take me?

Recently, I thought I stood a chance of living a conventional life basking in marital bliss, like the rest of the world. Dare I say I quite fancy the idea of leading a normal life. Perhaps, I would build home and heath because I thought I found that partner-in-crime. Only my bubble got burst as I had fallen victim to a crime.

Then there’s me becoming a cougar. Not intentionally, always accidental in my quest to have a different taste of life, straying away from the conventional path my mind has asked me to take. I find myself not feeling the huge age gap of him and me. I was looking for answers of my recent downfall and there he was trying to understand this thing called love. He has never truly like a girl, let alone loved, he confessed. And we both provided each other with some answers we were searching for. I have forgotten how young he is and how old I am. Perhaps I never felt old enough.

I joked about our age gap and realised how I recalled that year in my teens where I had my birthday celebration with my close girlfriends, some whom I am still friends with. I remembered what I wore and where we ate. It was a term break where I celebrated my birthday early with V. He would have only been born no more than two weeks...

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“Perhaps we become aware of our age only at exceptional moments and most of the time we are ageless.”
― Milan Kundera, Immortality