Thursday, August 04, 2011
Change
I have just rung up to find out more about a role advertised for six Linen/ Laundry workers.
The recruiter has left for the day and back tomorrow.
Hopefully, I will be fit for the job.
I have just rung up to find out more about a role advertised for six Linen/ Laundry workers.
The recruiter has left for the day and back tomorrow.
Hopefully, I will be fit for the job.
Monday, August 01, 2011
Mt. Kailash...
is where I am thinking of going next.
After all, I have seen the great, almightly Mount Everest.
Mountains have an invigorating and life changing aura about them that leaves one in awe for a long time.
I get the sense this is where I need to go at some stage.
Then there is also Hunza, the Shangri-lah of the world and walking the Silk Road...
At some stage, some day...
is where I am thinking of going next.
After all, I have seen the great, almightly Mount Everest.
Mountains have an invigorating and life changing aura about them that leaves one in awe for a long time.
I get the sense this is where I need to go at some stage.
Then there is also Hunza, the Shangri-lah of the world and walking the Silk Road...
At some stage, some day...
Winding down- a sign of growing older…
Aged 30 in today’s modern world must be the new 40 that heralds the dawn of mid life crisis.
I read somewhere awhile ago that there are more and more early 30s females like myself who wakes up one day and feels an increasing inertia to get up to work and slowly sink into some form of depression as they struggle to find themselves.
Well, I have had a bit of an early start and have suffered this malady since my late twenties, which saw my frail nerves (a combination of my personal life spilled over to my uninspiring stressful work life) being precariously juggled to preserve my sanity. I was that train wreck waiting to happen.
Of late, I have been increasingly unhappy in my life and my base line mood has been down. Work hasn’t been going well of late (last minute failed deals and below average reviews about my work from the boss as a result) and that always have a debilitating effect on my entire life. I was once again reminded of my sad time in the corporate work in Sydney.
On the home front, things are as usual at status quo. I haven’t had sex in what must be eight months. I must admit I don’t miss it either. DL goes about doing his own thing, in a slightly moody way and we often get into heated arguments about our business and our differing outlooks in life. On weekends, we try to get out of the house as much as possible with the dog and anywhere we can wreck our brains to go to whale away the time and forget our woes that are lurking privately in our separate minds. We try to make the best of our weekends and enjoy each other’s company. Our well travelled cat-like dogs also tie in well with our lifestyle of silence.
We haven’t much of a social life and even when there are attempts made by friends to catch up, we would mostly cite busy-ness or some excuses we can think of in order NOT to have spend time with anyone, except for maybe Teddy or Soci (but he is more my friend). As a rule of thumb, I never pick up my phone unless they are people whom I feel like speaking to and inviting over to join us for a meal at our house or out. There are no more than 3 people at any one time in my recluse life in Sad Town that I care to meet and greet. We are a bit recluse and private this way and perhaps we just cherish our ME time a little more. DL has a disdain for chatty people with too many opinions as his idea of winding down is not to have to talk or speak- a nice meal and wine in hand is the way with like minded company who appreciates the sound of silence. One of my friends has pretty much got into his bad books (unbeknownst to her) for being too voluble and coming up with too many smart ass comments. For a while, I too found her to be most energy sapping from that one experience where we took her out in the country with us. I thought I was the most voluble person, she beat me by 100 times. After that day trip in the country, I effectively avoided her for two months to re-charge myself from that experience before I could bring myself to meet up with her again.
DL and I enjoy the quiet company of each other for the most parts, especially when we have long drives into the country or we would go to the farmers markets to buy fresh produce and come home and cook a nice meal and drink wine in our courtyard. Lately, we have a fondness for Alaskan king crabs and have stuffed ourselves silly one weekend with it, together with oysters and wine until we have decided to take a break from such indulgence that was fast becoming too rich. Living in Sad Town and growing somewhat older has a way of mellowing one down. These days, I feel like one of my best friend, B- always quiet, a little anti-social and not feeling great about work and have little career ambition except to do work, make some money to survive and lead a peaceful life.
In our separate ways, DL and I privately suffered our constant low-grade depressed states and wonder when we will ever stop feeling unhappy about our financial situation. Ideally for us to survive comfortably and happily, we should be bringing home a joint income of $200 grand per annum. We are probably at 60% of our on target earnings and in our tired and low baseline mood mental and emotional states, no one is interested or motivated to do more work and try harder. If we could help it, we would like to run away from our grown up duties.
So the last few weeks, I have been trying to find ways to get out of my emotionally unhealthy situation with regards to work. Before I can bite the bullet, I needed to know my options. I trawled through the job sites and find most jobs uninspiring. I no longer have any interest in sales or performance driven work (very unlike the once dynamic P), weekend work in retail is a no for me since I treasure my work-life balance and an admin job seems impossible for me given that I have never been technically savvy and my Microsoft Office skills will be in the below average range. Seriously, I had lived my life like a charlatan and I marvel at how long I have survived without any real skills and once upon a time, I actually made good money out of knowing nothing. The only job that seemed somewhat do-able was that of a customer service representative for an international bank- a part time 32 hr/ week job that suits me fine. I should expect to get paid half of what I currently make but that might still work and pay for the entire month’s mortgage.
I am beginning to understand why some Singaporean girls aspire to marry a rich man and not do anything but shop and have high tea with their lady friends. At age 32, I feel my life is over before it has begun. I feel tired by an uninspiring life and wish I could sit at home all day (I don’t need the high tea and idle chitter chatter, thank you very much) with my dog to write, sketch and drape and not worry about the rest of the world and bills, bills, bills. My friend, Janine whom I used to go to university with is currently a housewife with 2 kids. She was a smart futures dealer who didn’t enjoy her working life, married a decent chap who brings in ok money as a legal counsel, and now that she has 2 kids and little family help, she has that fine excuse of staying home. I have no interest in having children so I wonder what is my excuse to sit on my fat ass these days?
In the business that we own, DL is privy to a lot of personal information of the clients we have. Recently, DL chanced upon the income tax assessment for one particular such client who makes $27m a year. Just in a year. It’s the equivalent of striking one big lottery once in a lifetime. We would be happy having just that and then stop working and focus on doing the things we like- writing and designing for me and cooking and driving for DL. Imagine that for these clients- $27m a year for the rest of your life- where would that take you?
Realistically, I would be happy if I have $2m at the moment. That would put DL and my life right, pay off the debts we have and then growing the rest to keep us somewhat happy. Maybe DL and I might even decide to make love for a change and make one or two babies out of that to enliven our quiet lives!;)
Aged 30 in today’s modern world must be the new 40 that heralds the dawn of mid life crisis.
I read somewhere awhile ago that there are more and more early 30s females like myself who wakes up one day and feels an increasing inertia to get up to work and slowly sink into some form of depression as they struggle to find themselves.
Well, I have had a bit of an early start and have suffered this malady since my late twenties, which saw my frail nerves (a combination of my personal life spilled over to my uninspiring stressful work life) being precariously juggled to preserve my sanity. I was that train wreck waiting to happen.
Of late, I have been increasingly unhappy in my life and my base line mood has been down. Work hasn’t been going well of late (last minute failed deals and below average reviews about my work from the boss as a result) and that always have a debilitating effect on my entire life. I was once again reminded of my sad time in the corporate work in Sydney.
On the home front, things are as usual at status quo. I haven’t had sex in what must be eight months. I must admit I don’t miss it either. DL goes about doing his own thing, in a slightly moody way and we often get into heated arguments about our business and our differing outlooks in life. On weekends, we try to get out of the house as much as possible with the dog and anywhere we can wreck our brains to go to whale away the time and forget our woes that are lurking privately in our separate minds. We try to make the best of our weekends and enjoy each other’s company. Our well travelled cat-like dogs also tie in well with our lifestyle of silence.
We haven’t much of a social life and even when there are attempts made by friends to catch up, we would mostly cite busy-ness or some excuses we can think of in order NOT to have spend time with anyone, except for maybe Teddy or Soci (but he is more my friend). As a rule of thumb, I never pick up my phone unless they are people whom I feel like speaking to and inviting over to join us for a meal at our house or out. There are no more than 3 people at any one time in my recluse life in Sad Town that I care to meet and greet. We are a bit recluse and private this way and perhaps we just cherish our ME time a little more. DL has a disdain for chatty people with too many opinions as his idea of winding down is not to have to talk or speak- a nice meal and wine in hand is the way with like minded company who appreciates the sound of silence. One of my friends has pretty much got into his bad books (unbeknownst to her) for being too voluble and coming up with too many smart ass comments. For a while, I too found her to be most energy sapping from that one experience where we took her out in the country with us. I thought I was the most voluble person, she beat me by 100 times. After that day trip in the country, I effectively avoided her for two months to re-charge myself from that experience before I could bring myself to meet up with her again.
DL and I enjoy the quiet company of each other for the most parts, especially when we have long drives into the country or we would go to the farmers markets to buy fresh produce and come home and cook a nice meal and drink wine in our courtyard. Lately, we have a fondness for Alaskan king crabs and have stuffed ourselves silly one weekend with it, together with oysters and wine until we have decided to take a break from such indulgence that was fast becoming too rich. Living in Sad Town and growing somewhat older has a way of mellowing one down. These days, I feel like one of my best friend, B- always quiet, a little anti-social and not feeling great about work and have little career ambition except to do work, make some money to survive and lead a peaceful life.
In our separate ways, DL and I privately suffered our constant low-grade depressed states and wonder when we will ever stop feeling unhappy about our financial situation. Ideally for us to survive comfortably and happily, we should be bringing home a joint income of $200 grand per annum. We are probably at 60% of our on target earnings and in our tired and low baseline mood mental and emotional states, no one is interested or motivated to do more work and try harder. If we could help it, we would like to run away from our grown up duties.
So the last few weeks, I have been trying to find ways to get out of my emotionally unhealthy situation with regards to work. Before I can bite the bullet, I needed to know my options. I trawled through the job sites and find most jobs uninspiring. I no longer have any interest in sales or performance driven work (very unlike the once dynamic P), weekend work in retail is a no for me since I treasure my work-life balance and an admin job seems impossible for me given that I have never been technically savvy and my Microsoft Office skills will be in the below average range. Seriously, I had lived my life like a charlatan and I marvel at how long I have survived without any real skills and once upon a time, I actually made good money out of knowing nothing. The only job that seemed somewhat do-able was that of a customer service representative for an international bank- a part time 32 hr/ week job that suits me fine. I should expect to get paid half of what I currently make but that might still work and pay for the entire month’s mortgage.
I am beginning to understand why some Singaporean girls aspire to marry a rich man and not do anything but shop and have high tea with their lady friends. At age 32, I feel my life is over before it has begun. I feel tired by an uninspiring life and wish I could sit at home all day (I don’t need the high tea and idle chitter chatter, thank you very much) with my dog to write, sketch and drape and not worry about the rest of the world and bills, bills, bills. My friend, Janine whom I used to go to university with is currently a housewife with 2 kids. She was a smart futures dealer who didn’t enjoy her working life, married a decent chap who brings in ok money as a legal counsel, and now that she has 2 kids and little family help, she has that fine excuse of staying home. I have no interest in having children so I wonder what is my excuse to sit on my fat ass these days?
In the business that we own, DL is privy to a lot of personal information of the clients we have. Recently, DL chanced upon the income tax assessment for one particular such client who makes $27m a year. Just in a year. It’s the equivalent of striking one big lottery once in a lifetime. We would be happy having just that and then stop working and focus on doing the things we like- writing and designing for me and cooking and driving for DL. Imagine that for these clients- $27m a year for the rest of your life- where would that take you?
Realistically, I would be happy if I have $2m at the moment. That would put DL and my life right, pay off the debts we have and then growing the rest to keep us somewhat happy. Maybe DL and I might even decide to make love for a change and make one or two babies out of that to enliven our quiet lives!;)
