Sunday, June 27, 2010
Surprises & being Grown Up
I have been getting one surprises after another since last week.
Or maybe I am just not in touch with the world.
My two best friends took turns on 2 consecutive days to drop me some big news.
First I received a facebook message by V to announce she is getting married to the German. The month is this September. OMG! I thought to myself. Just last week, I was just telling DL that I am not surprised if her boyfriend proposes this year. I better make some sales so that I could be back for my best friend's wedding or hens' night or whatever. Party like the old days...
It seems like just yesterday, two and the half years to be precise that we were out partying on Christmas Eve. V, Oscar and me and there we met the German. It was also this part of our hip lives where we were both single at the same time and catching up on fun times. The same holiday where I got involved with The Old Boy, Koran and the Norwegian... how time flies and still the memories remain somewhat fresh, I still think of the same person when I go to bed at night... have it already been 2.5 years?
Even Oscar, I think he is attached now...
****
So I logged onto my Facebook the next day and on my newsfeed or whatever you call that, that Dr. Jekyll & Hyde is engaged to his girlfriend... so that was 3.5 years ago the previous summer before that summer that V and I met the German, Norwegian and hung out with Oscar. It was the summer where I was still screwed up emotionally and playing the fool in my relationship with DL. V had problems with her ex-fiance and we were out at Velvet Underground with Didi who became V's next boyfriend after. It was a night of fun- bummed into E, my old friend Harry and met that Dr. Jekyll and Hyde through good old Harry. It was a night of frivolity. V and I each had (more than) a little flirtation with Harry's friends. Dr. J & H for me and a guy by the name of Chimmy for V. A night of fun...
So it's been 3.5 years ago eh?
Harry is married now to the new girl he met just the week we bummed into each other at Velvet and whom he couldn't stop talking to me about.
I heard Chimmy got married too.
Dr. J&H and V must have gotten proposed to and by (respectively) on the same day.
Now we must all be getting grown up.
*****
The very same day I saw Dr. J&H's engagement on Facebook which is the very next day V wrote me about her engagement, I got a strange text on my phone.
"Just baked my muffin. 3.16kg. c-section"
The number was from Singapore. It looked familiar but it slipped my mind who. I have been using DL's phone for awhile and hadn't transferred my contact numbers from one phone to the other.
I read the message in the car in a haste trying to rush to an appointment and whilst multi-tasking a few different things.
I replied, "Younger sibling?"
The reply came much later. "B".
"Yo what have you been up to?" I asked.
"I have just given birth to a bb ger."
"What?!"
I was dumbfounded. I mean I really was.
I was just about to ask when she is ever going to be pregnant.
And to find that the baby has popped just dumbfounded me!
I mean, she is my best friend. I thought I am supposed to know such things.
But then again, it's B. Always delivering any news in her typical nonchalant way, like's nothing is ever a big deal.
She had texted me a number of times regarding her lack of motivation to work. The last I heard from her was on my birthday where she texted me.
I couldn't drive straight from my meeting back.
I was disappointed, I didn't know and happy that she has a baby.
It was a strange feeling. So many surprising news in a span of 12 hours.
I started thinking as I drove on about how it was only July last year that I left home for Australia. We had a bit of a misunderstanding and she avoided me for a good 3 months before my instincts told me something was wrong-it wasn't her usual want-to-be-left-alone ways because she never not give me the time of the day. I am her best friend afterall.
I counted back the timing and figured she must have been pregnant by October.
It was sad I wasn't there to see her pregnant belly and to share her motherhood tales. One of my very first friends (plus my best friend) to become a mummy.
I thought about our fun days and how that too have become the most distant memory for god knows the longest time when B finally decided to settle down.
I felt happy for her and sad. Like I have lost a friend.
I silently wonder if it was just me that I was sad about.
It felt like I have lost touch with the world. With all my real problems in Sad Town to battle each day, I feel like I am so off the social radar. The saddest thing is it's my best friend here that I a talking about. I seem to have lost my magic touch.
After all, I miss home. I miss my friends and perhaps most of all, I miss having fun and feeling young. Maybe I am just afraid of growing old with no best friends to be partners in crime as we were wont to do whilst trying to conquer the world. Or was it to flaunt our youth?
*****
Putting my own ego or insecurity aside, I decided to adopt a positive attitude. Or rather, it was naturally replaced by an feeling of fuzziness. V and B are my bestest friends after all. They deserve all the happiness that Fate has bestowed on them.
I wrote V an instant reply message after months of non-reply given I was stuck in my own strife amidst all the crisises of my personal life.
I am happy for her. I told her I will try my best to be back and do a hens' night or something.
I reckon how can we glamourettes not kiss our bachelorettehood goodbye without its usual fanfare when we once strut our stuff at social settings like proud peacocks?
Hell, life should be one GREAT party after the next. But this is THE party to celebrate the next phase in one's life.
I am beginning to understand that phrase myself when a male cousin my age married his college sweetheart at around 25 years old. I asked him why and he said because they were ready for the next stage of their lives.
Most importantly, one of my Cassanova male friend that has been a good friend since I was 6 told me that when his Japanese wife proposed to him when she was 21 and he was 25, he said yes. Because it felt right. Even now, it is still right for them, 6 years on.
V wrote back to say she is ready to have babies. Puts a smile on my face.
I must have heard this a number of times this year from close friends. Right at this point, i know at least three people who are pregnant.
It must be coming of age.
I am a silly nostalgic person. Like a child who is determined never to grow up, I hold vivid memories of my misadventures and fun from those yesteryears that are only about 1000 days ago.
Still, in a 1000 days, many things can happen or not happen. Like the birth of a child. The celebration of life and death. The blossom or parting of romance.
Lately, I have been having what I call, unexpected dreams. Dreams of boys from my past. M is one and strangely, Mr. London this morning. No, I haven't been thinking of any of them.
I am afraid to dwell in the past of strong feelings. I thought I have exorcised the ghosts of my past, or rather my mind.
I am less emotional these days and have come to terms with what I want. A peaceful and happy life. Still working on it, constantly working on it.
Surprises.... are they really surprises? Or is it just a rite of passage in one's life?
Secretly, I wonder if I am ready to grow up too.
One day perhaps, one day.
Last year whilst Janine and I were shopping leisurely back home with her baby in tow, I asked her how she managed to cope. Janine and I used to share some fun, crazy days back here in Sad Town when we were poor students. Our social lives had crossed paths in Singapore back in the days. She was a player herself. She got married, planned to have a baby in 2 years after their honey mooney period but fell pregnant unexpectedly. She has undertook the role of mum and housewife so successfully, having been someone who has always been a strong corporate fighter. She told me, "One can never really be ready..."
I guess when one's thrown into the deep end of the pool, one learns to swim or sink.
Janine sure know what she is talking about. At age three, she fell into the pool and miraculously started swimming backstrokes and went on to be a national backstroker and one of her kind in the female division for a long time....
( more stories to come about my growing up!;))
I have been getting one surprises after another since last week.
Or maybe I am just not in touch with the world.
My two best friends took turns on 2 consecutive days to drop me some big news.
First I received a facebook message by V to announce she is getting married to the German. The month is this September. OMG! I thought to myself. Just last week, I was just telling DL that I am not surprised if her boyfriend proposes this year. I better make some sales so that I could be back for my best friend's wedding or hens' night or whatever. Party like the old days...
It seems like just yesterday, two and the half years to be precise that we were out partying on Christmas Eve. V, Oscar and me and there we met the German. It was also this part of our hip lives where we were both single at the same time and catching up on fun times. The same holiday where I got involved with The Old Boy, Koran and the Norwegian... how time flies and still the memories remain somewhat fresh, I still think of the same person when I go to bed at night... have it already been 2.5 years?
Even Oscar, I think he is attached now...
****
So I logged onto my Facebook the next day and on my newsfeed or whatever you call that, that Dr. Jekyll & Hyde is engaged to his girlfriend... so that was 3.5 years ago the previous summer before that summer that V and I met the German, Norwegian and hung out with Oscar. It was the summer where I was still screwed up emotionally and playing the fool in my relationship with DL. V had problems with her ex-fiance and we were out at Velvet Underground with Didi who became V's next boyfriend after. It was a night of fun- bummed into E, my old friend Harry and met that Dr. Jekyll and Hyde through good old Harry. It was a night of frivolity. V and I each had (more than) a little flirtation with Harry's friends. Dr. J & H for me and a guy by the name of Chimmy for V. A night of fun...
So it's been 3.5 years ago eh?
Harry is married now to the new girl he met just the week we bummed into each other at Velvet and whom he couldn't stop talking to me about.
I heard Chimmy got married too.
Dr. J&H and V must have gotten proposed to and by (respectively) on the same day.
Now we must all be getting grown up.
*****
The very same day I saw Dr. J&H's engagement on Facebook which is the very next day V wrote me about her engagement, I got a strange text on my phone.
"Just baked my muffin. 3.16kg. c-section"
The number was from Singapore. It looked familiar but it slipped my mind who. I have been using DL's phone for awhile and hadn't transferred my contact numbers from one phone to the other.
I read the message in the car in a haste trying to rush to an appointment and whilst multi-tasking a few different things.
I replied, "Younger sibling?"
The reply came much later. "B".
"Yo what have you been up to?" I asked.
"I have just given birth to a bb ger."
"What?!"
I was dumbfounded. I mean I really was.
I was just about to ask when she is ever going to be pregnant.
And to find that the baby has popped just dumbfounded me!
I mean, she is my best friend. I thought I am supposed to know such things.
But then again, it's B. Always delivering any news in her typical nonchalant way, like's nothing is ever a big deal.
She had texted me a number of times regarding her lack of motivation to work. The last I heard from her was on my birthday where she texted me.
I couldn't drive straight from my meeting back.
I was disappointed, I didn't know and happy that she has a baby.
It was a strange feeling. So many surprising news in a span of 12 hours.
I started thinking as I drove on about how it was only July last year that I left home for Australia. We had a bit of a misunderstanding and she avoided me for a good 3 months before my instincts told me something was wrong-it wasn't her usual want-to-be-left-alone ways because she never not give me the time of the day. I am her best friend afterall.
I counted back the timing and figured she must have been pregnant by October.
It was sad I wasn't there to see her pregnant belly and to share her motherhood tales. One of my very first friends (plus my best friend) to become a mummy.
I thought about our fun days and how that too have become the most distant memory for god knows the longest time when B finally decided to settle down.
I felt happy for her and sad. Like I have lost a friend.
I silently wonder if it was just me that I was sad about.
It felt like I have lost touch with the world. With all my real problems in Sad Town to battle each day, I feel like I am so off the social radar. The saddest thing is it's my best friend here that I a talking about. I seem to have lost my magic touch.
After all, I miss home. I miss my friends and perhaps most of all, I miss having fun and feeling young. Maybe I am just afraid of growing old with no best friends to be partners in crime as we were wont to do whilst trying to conquer the world. Or was it to flaunt our youth?
*****
Putting my own ego or insecurity aside, I decided to adopt a positive attitude. Or rather, it was naturally replaced by an feeling of fuzziness. V and B are my bestest friends after all. They deserve all the happiness that Fate has bestowed on them.
I wrote V an instant reply message after months of non-reply given I was stuck in my own strife amidst all the crisises of my personal life.
I am happy for her. I told her I will try my best to be back and do a hens' night or something.
I reckon how can we glamourettes not kiss our bachelorettehood goodbye without its usual fanfare when we once strut our stuff at social settings like proud peacocks?
Hell, life should be one GREAT party after the next. But this is THE party to celebrate the next phase in one's life.
I am beginning to understand that phrase myself when a male cousin my age married his college sweetheart at around 25 years old. I asked him why and he said because they were ready for the next stage of their lives.
Most importantly, one of my Cassanova male friend that has been a good friend since I was 6 told me that when his Japanese wife proposed to him when she was 21 and he was 25, he said yes. Because it felt right. Even now, it is still right for them, 6 years on.
V wrote back to say she is ready to have babies. Puts a smile on my face.
I must have heard this a number of times this year from close friends. Right at this point, i know at least three people who are pregnant.
It must be coming of age.
I am a silly nostalgic person. Like a child who is determined never to grow up, I hold vivid memories of my misadventures and fun from those yesteryears that are only about 1000 days ago.
Still, in a 1000 days, many things can happen or not happen. Like the birth of a child. The celebration of life and death. The blossom or parting of romance.
Lately, I have been having what I call, unexpected dreams. Dreams of boys from my past. M is one and strangely, Mr. London this morning. No, I haven't been thinking of any of them.
I am afraid to dwell in the past of strong feelings. I thought I have exorcised the ghosts of my past, or rather my mind.
I am less emotional these days and have come to terms with what I want. A peaceful and happy life. Still working on it, constantly working on it.
Surprises.... are they really surprises? Or is it just a rite of passage in one's life?
Secretly, I wonder if I am ready to grow up too.
One day perhaps, one day.
Last year whilst Janine and I were shopping leisurely back home with her baby in tow, I asked her how she managed to cope. Janine and I used to share some fun, crazy days back here in Sad Town when we were poor students. Our social lives had crossed paths in Singapore back in the days. She was a player herself. She got married, planned to have a baby in 2 years after their honey mooney period but fell pregnant unexpectedly. She has undertook the role of mum and housewife so successfully, having been someone who has always been a strong corporate fighter. She told me, "One can never really be ready..."
I guess when one's thrown into the deep end of the pool, one learns to swim or sink.
Janine sure know what she is talking about. At age three, she fell into the pool and miraculously started swimming backstrokes and went on to be a national backstroker and one of her kind in the female division for a long time....
( more stories to come about my growing up!;))
Monday, June 21, 2010
Friday and the day of Ms
So last Friday was an interesting day for I received a number of unexpected sms. One from The Man and some from colleagues inter-state.
I also had a trying week with DL and in fact, we sat down solemnly and cited that since we had such irreconciliable differences, we should split up. At age 31, I think I have cried enough tears for men to know better that it's time to get on with life with or without.
I served the verdict calmly before I drove off to yet another meeting. I wasn't going to let my family life fuck up my work. Business as usual.
When I returned home, DL was obviously nowhere in sight.
I got hungry. Having spent the whole day working and arguing, I hadn't a thing in my stomach.
So I rang Teddie, my old friend from home who is doing his studies here in Sad Town to accompany me out for dinner (like the good old days where V, him and I spent my entire summer hols home having supper and bantering).
Teddie came to pick me up in his Saab. I was pleasantly distracted with company and after having Vietnamese for dinner, we went to the Hyatt bar for drinks. We talked about our coming of age and what not. Teddie is a bloody late bloomer who managed to catch up on lost time.
We continued talking and I chanced upon an interesting piece of information.
So Teddie's father is well connected back home to the old wealth society type.
What was particularly more interesting was that his dad for many a number of years used to play a certain sport at the country club with a Mr.Z. Turns out to be The Old Boy's father.
Teddie recalled that he must have been eleven or twelve when he was using the swimming pool in the complex of the condominium development of Mr. Z where he had made some good money. He remembered also that Mr. Z had two sons, both who was sent to boarding school. Teddie has met both sons of Mr. Z, the second one more often. The elder son (who happens to be The Old Boy)once when he was at the pool. The elder son was an adult in his twenties (must be around 22 to 23 since Teddie is 2 years older than me and the Old Boy 13 years older than me) and brought his girlfriend with him. The thing that stuck to Teddie's mind was that his girlfriend was not very good looking.
Funny that was more than 20 years ago. The only thing that stuck to Teddie's mind. In his young mind, he must have expected someone of his wealth to score a more attractive female.
So the Old Boy was right when he once told me he generally never go for the good looking types. I even have an unexpected witness whose memory stretched way back.
No wonder, he once said to me that he would have been flattered by my attention if he was not married.
So last Friday was an interesting day for I received a number of unexpected sms. One from The Man and some from colleagues inter-state.
I also had a trying week with DL and in fact, we sat down solemnly and cited that since we had such irreconciliable differences, we should split up. At age 31, I think I have cried enough tears for men to know better that it's time to get on with life with or without.
I served the verdict calmly before I drove off to yet another meeting. I wasn't going to let my family life fuck up my work. Business as usual.
When I returned home, DL was obviously nowhere in sight.
I got hungry. Having spent the whole day working and arguing, I hadn't a thing in my stomach.
So I rang Teddie, my old friend from home who is doing his studies here in Sad Town to accompany me out for dinner (like the good old days where V, him and I spent my entire summer hols home having supper and bantering).
Teddie came to pick me up in his Saab. I was pleasantly distracted with company and after having Vietnamese for dinner, we went to the Hyatt bar for drinks. We talked about our coming of age and what not. Teddie is a bloody late bloomer who managed to catch up on lost time.
We continued talking and I chanced upon an interesting piece of information.
So Teddie's father is well connected back home to the old wealth society type.
What was particularly more interesting was that his dad for many a number of years used to play a certain sport at the country club with a Mr.Z. Turns out to be The Old Boy's father.
Teddie recalled that he must have been eleven or twelve when he was using the swimming pool in the complex of the condominium development of Mr. Z where he had made some good money. He remembered also that Mr. Z had two sons, both who was sent to boarding school. Teddie has met both sons of Mr. Z, the second one more often. The elder son (who happens to be The Old Boy)once when he was at the pool. The elder son was an adult in his twenties (must be around 22 to 23 since Teddie is 2 years older than me and the Old Boy 13 years older than me) and brought his girlfriend with him. The thing that stuck to Teddie's mind was that his girlfriend was not very good looking.
Funny that was more than 20 years ago. The only thing that stuck to Teddie's mind. In his young mind, he must have expected someone of his wealth to score a more attractive female.
So the Old Boy was right when he once told me he generally never go for the good looking types. I even have an unexpected witness whose memory stretched way back.
No wonder, he once said to me that he would have been flattered by my attention if he was not married.
The Wrong "M"
So on Friday morning, I woke up with this super surreal dream about M.
The feeling felt so real. I was back home in Singapore and as if some of you might have remember, he has moved to Singapore to do his MBA about 6 months ago. In the dream, the old flame was rekindled and I felt this guilt as DL was too in Singapore. In the dream, I was struggling to do the right thing whilst keeping my emotions in check. I thought I was over M (I really do, in real life!) but I had to fight hard to keep the floodgates of old emotions closed.
I woke up feeling affected, like the residual of emotions from yesterday are still there. My dream felt like the re-surfacing of my sub-sconscious. I felt uncertain, like I am not so sure of myself or feelings anymore...
*****
Friday is always a busy day of the week for DL and myself. We went about our business as usual and found ourselves getting into very argumentative fights.
We have been violently quarrelsome of late. We were reaching boiling point.
But that is another story.
Anyhow, we were going about our business when I received a text message alert. I figured it was one of my sales prospects and checked my phone.
To my surprise, I got a message:
"Hey P, how are you? I will be cruising the South Coast and might stop by Sad Town for night. Let me know if you are free to catch up over dinner and drinks either on Sun or Mon. The Man"
That was totally unexpected.
The last I heard from him was about a year before.He tried to get in touch on 2 occasions when he was in Sydney. I thought with the fiasco sms that I had accidentally sent out to him, that would have been the last I would hear from him again.
Now I was getting curious. I started wondering if he was divorced or he wanted to deliver some news to me. I mean, I wonder what he was hoping to get out from meeting me after the failed attempt a year ago. I am no longer a headhunter so I am no good to him either.
What does he want, really?
It is more than four years since we last met and even longer since the dirty was done many moons ago.
One would have thought one have moved on since we parted the night with those lines "it was fun"- his lines, not mine. For years, it never failed to stick out like a sore thumb in my memory and I was determined to erase any traces of joint experience with the said individual.
Damn! Wrong M, I thought to myself, having my day been roused to awakeness by such dreamlike fantasy with an old love I once truly was in love with, only to be greeted with the sms of another.
Anyways, as with the life of P, my past always have a way of catching up with me. Like a tale half told begging to be told. There was always a question mark lingering in the air of The Man's years of disappearance and how we missed each other last year in Sydney because I couldn't be bothered. So now, the time has arrived. I have lost my curiosity for the longest while but seems like the story of P's life is that no stones should or would be left unturned.
So I replied and said, yes, Sunday is fine for drinks (and kindly informed my other half that an old friend from Sydney is in town and would like to catch up)...
So on Friday morning, I woke up with this super surreal dream about M.
The feeling felt so real. I was back home in Singapore and as if some of you might have remember, he has moved to Singapore to do his MBA about 6 months ago. In the dream, the old flame was rekindled and I felt this guilt as DL was too in Singapore. In the dream, I was struggling to do the right thing whilst keeping my emotions in check. I thought I was over M (I really do, in real life!) but I had to fight hard to keep the floodgates of old emotions closed.
I woke up feeling affected, like the residual of emotions from yesterday are still there. My dream felt like the re-surfacing of my sub-sconscious. I felt uncertain, like I am not so sure of myself or feelings anymore...
*****
Friday is always a busy day of the week for DL and myself. We went about our business as usual and found ourselves getting into very argumentative fights.
We have been violently quarrelsome of late. We were reaching boiling point.
But that is another story.
Anyhow, we were going about our business when I received a text message alert. I figured it was one of my sales prospects and checked my phone.
To my surprise, I got a message:
"Hey P, how are you? I will be cruising the South Coast and might stop by Sad Town for night. Let me know if you are free to catch up over dinner and drinks either on Sun or Mon. The Man"
That was totally unexpected.
The last I heard from him was about a year before.He tried to get in touch on 2 occasions when he was in Sydney. I thought with the fiasco sms that I had accidentally sent out to him, that would have been the last I would hear from him again.
Now I was getting curious. I started wondering if he was divorced or he wanted to deliver some news to me. I mean, I wonder what he was hoping to get out from meeting me after the failed attempt a year ago. I am no longer a headhunter so I am no good to him either.
What does he want, really?
It is more than four years since we last met and even longer since the dirty was done many moons ago.
One would have thought one have moved on since we parted the night with those lines "it was fun"- his lines, not mine. For years, it never failed to stick out like a sore thumb in my memory and I was determined to erase any traces of joint experience with the said individual.
Damn! Wrong M, I thought to myself, having my day been roused to awakeness by such dreamlike fantasy with an old love I once truly was in love with, only to be greeted with the sms of another.
Anyways, as with the life of P, my past always have a way of catching up with me. Like a tale half told begging to be told. There was always a question mark lingering in the air of The Man's years of disappearance and how we missed each other last year in Sydney because I couldn't be bothered. So now, the time has arrived. I have lost my curiosity for the longest while but seems like the story of P's life is that no stones should or would be left unturned.
So I replied and said, yes, Sunday is fine for drinks (and kindly informed my other half that an old friend from Sydney is in town and would like to catch up)...
Saturday, June 12, 2010
I can't do the Sum
Last week, we spent 2 consecutive nights without dinner. Having averaged 12 hours or more of physical labour, most places are closed by the time we could wrap up and relax over a hearty meal before we do the same thing all over again in less than 12 hours. We haven't the energy left to cook ourselves something to eat.
This has been the story of my life, or rather our lives (DL and mine) for what seems like forever. I was told we made nearly three grand last week. But we seem to have much more to pay than we could save. We even have to save on heating and guess what? It has been sub zero for the past few nights.
So through kind friends and the business people in the community we know off, referrals of dodgy or rather resourceful finance brokers have been given to us in the bid to help us close our sales and flip our financial fates over. But it seems like the close knitted Chinese community are just skeptical of the other racial groups and seem reluctant to undertake the risk. Even my attempts at alluding to bribery once the deal is done and dusted does not seem to attract these people who could help change my financial fate. I mean, read this: my fortunes would be recovered overnight literally. And my wealth can snowball once again with more money to run those advertising campaigns once again.
I have at least 5 people who are dependent for me to change their lives, which in turn changes mine. I am even getting daunted. Before long, my wave of debts will engulf me and I am literally fucked. As if my life, or rather ours is not fucked up enough.
Doesn't help that our things are falling apart like our newish laptops and heaven forbid, our old car. Some days it feels harder to live like this than others. And there are more resentful days DL and I have of our lives and of each other. But then there are some sweet moments we are able to take a piss at our situations, steal kisses whilst we go about doing our chores to meet our bill's expenses for the day.
Yeah, so life is really tough at the moment. I hope we stay strong long enough to meet the light at the end of the tunnel.
Ironically, when I was growing up, one of my Disney favourite song sung by Annette Funicello is "I can't do the sum".
I find myself singing the song a lot during my long hot showers.
" Bills, bills, bills.
The price of milk and egg and bread is rising everyday.
Now with our bank book in the red, these bills are hard to pay.
If we stop buying chocolate cake and live on green string beans,
exactly how much would it take to live within our means?"
Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh,oh, oh, ohh...
Put down beans and cross out cake, let me see
Oh dear me
What a chore to undertake
milk plus bread
Oh my head
And subtract then multiply
till you're overcome.
This is much too hard for me
I can't do the sum."
Last week, we spent 2 consecutive nights without dinner. Having averaged 12 hours or more of physical labour, most places are closed by the time we could wrap up and relax over a hearty meal before we do the same thing all over again in less than 12 hours. We haven't the energy left to cook ourselves something to eat.
This has been the story of my life, or rather our lives (DL and mine) for what seems like forever. I was told we made nearly three grand last week. But we seem to have much more to pay than we could save. We even have to save on heating and guess what? It has been sub zero for the past few nights.
So through kind friends and the business people in the community we know off, referrals of dodgy or rather resourceful finance brokers have been given to us in the bid to help us close our sales and flip our financial fates over. But it seems like the close knitted Chinese community are just skeptical of the other racial groups and seem reluctant to undertake the risk. Even my attempts at alluding to bribery once the deal is done and dusted does not seem to attract these people who could help change my financial fate. I mean, read this: my fortunes would be recovered overnight literally. And my wealth can snowball once again with more money to run those advertising campaigns once again.
I have at least 5 people who are dependent for me to change their lives, which in turn changes mine. I am even getting daunted. Before long, my wave of debts will engulf me and I am literally fucked. As if my life, or rather ours is not fucked up enough.
Doesn't help that our things are falling apart like our newish laptops and heaven forbid, our old car. Some days it feels harder to live like this than others. And there are more resentful days DL and I have of our lives and of each other. But then there are some sweet moments we are able to take a piss at our situations, steal kisses whilst we go about doing our chores to meet our bill's expenses for the day.
Yeah, so life is really tough at the moment. I hope we stay strong long enough to meet the light at the end of the tunnel.
Ironically, when I was growing up, one of my Disney favourite song sung by Annette Funicello is "I can't do the sum".
I find myself singing the song a lot during my long hot showers.
" Bills, bills, bills.
The price of milk and egg and bread is rising everyday.
Now with our bank book in the red, these bills are hard to pay.
If we stop buying chocolate cake and live on green string beans,
exactly how much would it take to live within our means?"
Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh,oh, oh, ohh...
Put down beans and cross out cake, let me see
Oh dear me
What a chore to undertake
milk plus bread
Oh my head
And subtract then multiply
till you're overcome.
This is much too hard for me
I can't do the sum."
