Thursday, March 09, 2006
Dope Fix
Once in a while, P gets her Dope fix.
Far from addictive, Dope remains a sporadic long term arrangement in P's public and personal life. You see, Dope helps to fix her problems in her professional life but fulfils as so much as paying her due respect via his daily correspondence of e-mails (varying from a few liners to a few paragraphs if lucky) to her in her personal life.
P can never fix anything with Dope. He is bad with time and his life revolves around his work.
She reckons that's how they could sustain their permanent grey arrangements.
Being a very private and restrained man, P has the privilege to enter into his world that he admits few to, a part due to his secretive personality and another part due to his lack of time for anything.
To further add on to the inconvenience, Dope hates the phone as much, if not more than P. He rarely picks up his calls except at work as he abhors the existence of mobile phones. As P only dials on a private number, they do not coincide their phone communications too effectively. So they know better to leave their communications to a less tactile medium.
Only on one or two occasions did they talk over the phone for about an hour (that is when P abandoned her phone phobia and Dope decided he could also do likewise and was inspired for some reason to put in a call). When they do catch each other on the phone at work, they speak no more than five sentences.
****
Like herself, Dope too has a Designated Love from long ago. In fact, P and Dope first met before their Designated Loves came along in their lives. He seemed to see very little of her though P understands his strong sense of duty towards her.
****
On some Mondays, when schedules permit, they would re-convene briefly. The meeting usually takes no longer than two hours. These days, P stopped waiting on him (as she was at first inclined to) and he would walk over and wait for her at her building. Then they would go for coffee (very civilised), or rather tea (for P).
As P dislikes the Starbucks variety due to her lack of experience from sipping tea from tiny holes of perforated plastic cups without scalding her lips and her preference over sipping tea from a teacup with a pot of fine China harbouring loose leaves, they would adjourn to either the Shangri-La or a hotel in that vicinity to resume their sporadically sanitised rendezvous.
There, they would sit and speak quietly about their day at work and life in an even husher tone. P not knowing where to place her eyes. Sometimes, P would make bold her conversation and observed that he has acquired a new suit or a shirt. As always, Dope would ask rather quietly if she liked it (ie. approve of his style). Dope is usually restrained (it being a Monday) and P will attempt to do the same. Some days, he might joke and P would observe the general mood of the situation as instinctive cues before taking courage to speak a little louder and flirt a little harder with Dope, mindful of his reciprocations.
Then she might walk him back to work or he might walk her to the train station. The latter being more common these days. He would bent over to kiss her on the lips and she would tip toe for him to reach her mouth. That would conclude their night.
****
On some lucky days, Dope and P would go out for drinks. Dope would become less restrained with time and alcohol consumption. However, for the most part, he remained strapped to the self-consciousness of his soul.
His minimalist physical display of affection for her are only exhibited behind close doors. Even those moments granted are few.
****
On rare moments within the private chambers, Dope and P will lay in bed together. P will lay on his chest. Quite voluntarily, he would reveal a bit more about his private life while she would catch on glimpses of his soul.
****
Quite recently, Dope and P went out for a drink. As always, she learnt to keep her hands to herself in public lest Dope shrinks away like the touch of a mimosa. But always, their knees touch.
It was one of those rare nights where Dope was becoming less restrained and coming slowly out of his shell, so to speak. Though it seemed like such encounters are becoming more frequent in their rendezvous.
She took the liberty to link her arm to his as he is inclined to leave his hand in the pocket. An unwillingness to acknowledge the illegality of their involvement with each other?
That night, he was at ease with her. They took a long stroll (as always) to the furtherest train station they could find in that vicinity while they engaged in intimate conversation.
From a distance across the road, someone waved at them. It was a mutual friend (one is to be very careful of in his company) whom on one hand, socialised rather heavily with Dope and his Designated Love as a couple and on the other hand, is fond of inviting P to his parties and dinners; she suspects with a professional agenda on his mind.
****
"So who's X?" P asked in her semi-tipsy state.
"Don't you know X? As in Dope's girlfriend", he replied.
"Though Dope has many other girlfriends," he quickly added.
"Oh I see."
****
P shook her arm off Dope as his hand was still stuck in the pocket. A bus went between them and the friend. This gave them time to recompose themselves.
As always, the mutual friend was calculating. They exchanged pleasantries and he observed her face and asked about X. Dope replied she was well. Though the three have just been out to watch a cricket match the weekend before. And he continued with more small talk hoping to search for further clues from their expressions to confirm his sightings and suspicions. P continued to maintain her sociable public self while Dope did the same as he would. Then he decided to take leave as he was feeling embarrassed by now from his unnaturally prolonged conversation that led to the ensuing uneasiness in the air. As the two guys both live in the city, Dope decided to part with the friend, perhaps in mitigation of the friend's privately rapid postulations. So P bade the two farewell and took off in the opposite direction. She took a deep breath and stared ahead as she walked onwards, fists clenched and tears welling up her eyes.
****
Her face burnt a little with insolence. Her wonderful Dope fix session curtailed by the intrusion of unwanted coincidence. Where she would savour and sleep on the sweet memory of Dope walking her to the train station and planting her that kiss on her lips, with the occasional bonus peck of boyishly innocent affection on her forehead. There, she would wave at him slightly as they exchanged goodbyes, while he stood there watching her disappear down the flight of stairs...
Once in a while, P gets her Dope fix.
Far from addictive, Dope remains a sporadic long term arrangement in P's public and personal life. You see, Dope helps to fix her problems in her professional life but fulfils as so much as paying her due respect via his daily correspondence of e-mails (varying from a few liners to a few paragraphs if lucky) to her in her personal life.
P can never fix anything with Dope. He is bad with time and his life revolves around his work.
She reckons that's how they could sustain their permanent grey arrangements.
Being a very private and restrained man, P has the privilege to enter into his world that he admits few to, a part due to his secretive personality and another part due to his lack of time for anything.
To further add on to the inconvenience, Dope hates the phone as much, if not more than P. He rarely picks up his calls except at work as he abhors the existence of mobile phones. As P only dials on a private number, they do not coincide their phone communications too effectively. So they know better to leave their communications to a less tactile medium.
Only on one or two occasions did they talk over the phone for about an hour (that is when P abandoned her phone phobia and Dope decided he could also do likewise and was inspired for some reason to put in a call). When they do catch each other on the phone at work, they speak no more than five sentences.
****
Like herself, Dope too has a Designated Love from long ago. In fact, P and Dope first met before their Designated Loves came along in their lives. He seemed to see very little of her though P understands his strong sense of duty towards her.
****
On some Mondays, when schedules permit, they would re-convene briefly. The meeting usually takes no longer than two hours. These days, P stopped waiting on him (as she was at first inclined to) and he would walk over and wait for her at her building. Then they would go for coffee (very civilised), or rather tea (for P).
As P dislikes the Starbucks variety due to her lack of experience from sipping tea from tiny holes of perforated plastic cups without scalding her lips and her preference over sipping tea from a teacup with a pot of fine China harbouring loose leaves, they would adjourn to either the Shangri-La or a hotel in that vicinity to resume their sporadically sanitised rendezvous.
There, they would sit and speak quietly about their day at work and life in an even husher tone. P not knowing where to place her eyes. Sometimes, P would make bold her conversation and observed that he has acquired a new suit or a shirt. As always, Dope would ask rather quietly if she liked it (ie. approve of his style). Dope is usually restrained (it being a Monday) and P will attempt to do the same. Some days, he might joke and P would observe the general mood of the situation as instinctive cues before taking courage to speak a little louder and flirt a little harder with Dope, mindful of his reciprocations.
Then she might walk him back to work or he might walk her to the train station. The latter being more common these days. He would bent over to kiss her on the lips and she would tip toe for him to reach her mouth. That would conclude their night.
****
On some lucky days, Dope and P would go out for drinks. Dope would become less restrained with time and alcohol consumption. However, for the most part, he remained strapped to the self-consciousness of his soul.
His minimalist physical display of affection for her are only exhibited behind close doors. Even those moments granted are few.
****
On rare moments within the private chambers, Dope and P will lay in bed together. P will lay on his chest. Quite voluntarily, he would reveal a bit more about his private life while she would catch on glimpses of his soul.
****
Quite recently, Dope and P went out for a drink. As always, she learnt to keep her hands to herself in public lest Dope shrinks away like the touch of a mimosa. But always, their knees touch.
It was one of those rare nights where Dope was becoming less restrained and coming slowly out of his shell, so to speak. Though it seemed like such encounters are becoming more frequent in their rendezvous.
She took the liberty to link her arm to his as he is inclined to leave his hand in the pocket. An unwillingness to acknowledge the illegality of their involvement with each other?
That night, he was at ease with her. They took a long stroll (as always) to the furtherest train station they could find in that vicinity while they engaged in intimate conversation.
From a distance across the road, someone waved at them. It was a mutual friend (one is to be very careful of in his company) whom on one hand, socialised rather heavily with Dope and his Designated Love as a couple and on the other hand, is fond of inviting P to his parties and dinners; she suspects with a professional agenda on his mind.
****
"So who's X?" P asked in her semi-tipsy state.
"Don't you know X? As in Dope's girlfriend", he replied.
"Though Dope has many other girlfriends," he quickly added.
"Oh I see."
****
P shook her arm off Dope as his hand was still stuck in the pocket. A bus went between them and the friend. This gave them time to recompose themselves.
As always, the mutual friend was calculating. They exchanged pleasantries and he observed her face and asked about X. Dope replied she was well. Though the three have just been out to watch a cricket match the weekend before. And he continued with more small talk hoping to search for further clues from their expressions to confirm his sightings and suspicions. P continued to maintain her sociable public self while Dope did the same as he would. Then he decided to take leave as he was feeling embarrassed by now from his unnaturally prolonged conversation that led to the ensuing uneasiness in the air. As the two guys both live in the city, Dope decided to part with the friend, perhaps in mitigation of the friend's privately rapid postulations. So P bade the two farewell and took off in the opposite direction. She took a deep breath and stared ahead as she walked onwards, fists clenched and tears welling up her eyes.
****
Her face burnt a little with insolence. Her wonderful Dope fix session curtailed by the intrusion of unwanted coincidence. Where she would savour and sleep on the sweet memory of Dope walking her to the train station and planting her that kiss on her lips, with the occasional bonus peck of boyishly innocent affection on her forehead. There, she would wave at him slightly as they exchanged goodbyes, while he stood there watching her disappear down the flight of stairs...
