Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Waiting
It seems like P spent a good part of her life waiting- for people who matter to her.
As she writes now, she is waiting on Dope. It's been exactly four weeks the last time they met. In fact, during that last meeting, they literally just met for a good fifteen minutes and then they parted. To fit in time for his busy schedule, he has agreed to meet her for a "quickie" (as she calls it mischievously). His entourage (consisting of his Designated Love and her "baby" brother) awaited him at home for dinner.
So then she decided to walk him home.
Now she is kept waiting yet again and she wonders by the time she finally sees him, if she would once again be granted only half an hour of his time (conscious of his schedule on a Wednesday with the entourage waiting for him)?
She wonders why she even subjects herself to this?
When she too, has an ever loyal and loving Designated Love awaiting for her to return to.
****
Life is all about doing time, isn't it? she wonders.
Even her Designated Love is a growth investment- one she needs to hold out and do the hard yards long enough before she could possibly reap her returns. Or rather, get her peace of mind.
So she continues working on it. And she waits for that day to come. When luck and opportunities would have it that this wandering ship would finally decide to hang up her sails and return forever to the security of her designated harbour.
****
P is working her way back to Paris. She needs to "touch base" with her soul and re-capture those lost moments that she had lived recklessly but very much on her own terms .
So she continues counting the days that have passed between now and her time in Paris, the skeletons in her closet that would continue to haunt her till the very end of her time, but she would have never have given up a single day of re-living those painful memories just once more....
And hopefully, she might cross romantic paths with her funny boy yet again. Being third time lucky.
****
M came and went in P's life. From Paris to Singapore and she wonders where next. At the start of the year, he visited her for the weekend when P returned home. She gave him very short notice and was surprised when he turned up.
Currently based in Hong Kong, he is hoping for P to visit.
Hong Kong trip 2006 is high on her agenda and she awaits, doing time at work before she could be granted time off to see her beautiful boy again. And then god knows, where fate and opportunities would take her Chilean/ English boy to?
But then she wonders (everytime her heart aches with that last memory), what's the point?
It seems like P spent a good part of her life waiting- for people who matter to her.
As she writes now, she is waiting on Dope. It's been exactly four weeks the last time they met. In fact, during that last meeting, they literally just met for a good fifteen minutes and then they parted. To fit in time for his busy schedule, he has agreed to meet her for a "quickie" (as she calls it mischievously). His entourage (consisting of his Designated Love and her "baby" brother) awaited him at home for dinner.
So then she decided to walk him home.
Now she is kept waiting yet again and she wonders by the time she finally sees him, if she would once again be granted only half an hour of his time (conscious of his schedule on a Wednesday with the entourage waiting for him)?
She wonders why she even subjects herself to this?
When she too, has an ever loyal and loving Designated Love awaiting for her to return to.
****
Life is all about doing time, isn't it? she wonders.
Even her Designated Love is a growth investment- one she needs to hold out and do the hard yards long enough before she could possibly reap her returns. Or rather, get her peace of mind.
So she continues working on it. And she waits for that day to come. When luck and opportunities would have it that this wandering ship would finally decide to hang up her sails and return forever to the security of her designated harbour.
****
P is working her way back to Paris. She needs to "touch base" with her soul and re-capture those lost moments that she had lived recklessly but very much on her own terms .
So she continues counting the days that have passed between now and her time in Paris, the skeletons in her closet that would continue to haunt her till the very end of her time, but she would have never have given up a single day of re-living those painful memories just once more....
And hopefully, she might cross romantic paths with her funny boy yet again. Being third time lucky.
****
M came and went in P's life. From Paris to Singapore and she wonders where next. At the start of the year, he visited her for the weekend when P returned home. She gave him very short notice and was surprised when he turned up.
Currently based in Hong Kong, he is hoping for P to visit.
Hong Kong trip 2006 is high on her agenda and she awaits, doing time at work before she could be granted time off to see her beautiful boy again. And then god knows, where fate and opportunities would take her Chilean/ English boy to?
But then she wonders (everytime her heart aches with that last memory), what's the point?
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Ah. sounds all too familiar. we ask what's the point yet we prolong the journey to find the answer. Beats me.
Dear Danyanova,
thanks for the comment. You summed it aptly and beautifully.
Guess humans being humans will always be caught up in that earthly suffering of what is called "dukka" in Buddhism...
dilettanteP
thanks for the comment. You summed it aptly and beautifully.
Guess humans being humans will always be caught up in that earthly suffering of what is called "dukka" in Buddhism...
dilettanteP
dukka...too fatalistic. we can choose, yet we choose to be a willing prisoner of our "sinful desires", so we blame ourselves willingly and hoplessly.
i've been there, maybe I'm still there. i think we like to contemplate the "implausible", because they are not quite ours, not quite real. In the mystery and uncertainty lies our desire to know and to possess and conquer. Once we've overcome that, we realise there is nothing else to unravel and to discover.
The ship will not return to harbour, only when the winds stop blowing, and it's run out of ports to call at. And by then, who will welcome it home?
i've been there, maybe I'm still there. i think we like to contemplate the "implausible", because they are not quite ours, not quite real. In the mystery and uncertainty lies our desire to know and to possess and conquer. Once we've overcome that, we realise there is nothing else to unravel and to discover.
The ship will not return to harbour, only when the winds stop blowing, and it's run out of ports to call at. And by then, who will welcome it home?
To vivienwon
"Perhaps the human soul needs excursions, and must not be denied them. But the point of an excursion is that you come home again."
- "Lady Chatterley's Lover", D.H. Lawrence
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"Perhaps the human soul needs excursions, and must not be denied them. But the point of an excursion is that you come home again."
- "Lady Chatterley's Lover", D.H. Lawrence
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