Wednesday, August 16, 2006
How did that happen?
Six years have passed just like that.
More downs than ups in their joint lives together.
It seemed the storm has calmed down and settled, inevitably leaving its mark.
But well, they did survived each other alright.
And again, another year gone by for them to reminisce privately their lives without each other.
It wouldn't do for her. And she knows for him too. And for their little fluff ball.
They are just good for each other. Like yin and yang.
But again, she has her own demons to exorcise first. After all, the Pandora's box is opened and there requires great will to keep shut...
The course of true love never did run smooth. That thought spoken ironically in her mind and that dark half smile re-surfaced once more.
****
But lately, she is experiencing that "high" again in their relationship. Like she feels that finally they might come together and be in sync. She looks forward to spending her weekend with him and back at their joint abode like never before. Suddenly, she understands the notion of "home is where the heart" is.
She never had a heart before. In that way. She never missed anyone real. Real, as in people who formed the daily fabric of her life. She always lived with that instinctive selfishness to go about life surviving because people dear to her could only bring her disappointment, pressure and unwanted negative energy. So she came and go as people do in her life. But DL is always there for her despite all their imperfections and misgivings. So she learnt to stay and learnt to be consistent, like he is to her. For once, she made her own choice and will not bow down to the challenges thrown by fate...
His loyalty, integrity and his ability to love unconditionally is paramount and like a worshipper, she sees him in the light of a Higher Being. She must be one hell of a lucky bitch. After all, every dog has its day. Hers must have come earlier than she expected.
****
So guess it's exactly six years today and they are still counting...
That first day , she remembered was a Wednesday and it was raining when their emotions were hinted in the open. Like the shades thathas dominated her entire life and state of mind, she became his grey arrangement. Then they became official because he walked away from his six years with her.
****
"Happy Anniwersary, Darling" she declared to him today cheekily and endearingly in the worst possible English.
She is quite fond of butchering languages and distorting words when she speaks to him. And him and only him have that privilege to enjoy her in disgust, much to their great delight.
As she count the days where she would return home for the weekend, she looks forward to their usual episode of them three playing catch, doing a jumpy forward roll into bed to "crush" the other, being disgusted by her behaviour and expressions and laughing uncontrollably at her bawdy jokes and for the nth time, knows that she would once again wish that she never left. They can make each other extremely happy and she reasoned, hence, just as sad. It takes one to know the other to make and break each other.
They must still be in love then. Don't you think?
Six years have passed just like that.
More downs than ups in their joint lives together.
It seemed the storm has calmed down and settled, inevitably leaving its mark.
But well, they did survived each other alright.
And again, another year gone by for them to reminisce privately their lives without each other.
It wouldn't do for her. And she knows for him too. And for their little fluff ball.
They are just good for each other. Like yin and yang.
But again, she has her own demons to exorcise first. After all, the Pandora's box is opened and there requires great will to keep shut...
The course of true love never did run smooth. That thought spoken ironically in her mind and that dark half smile re-surfaced once more.
****
But lately, she is experiencing that "high" again in their relationship. Like she feels that finally they might come together and be in sync. She looks forward to spending her weekend with him and back at their joint abode like never before. Suddenly, she understands the notion of "home is where the heart" is.
She never had a heart before. In that way. She never missed anyone real. Real, as in people who formed the daily fabric of her life. She always lived with that instinctive selfishness to go about life surviving because people dear to her could only bring her disappointment, pressure and unwanted negative energy. So she came and go as people do in her life. But DL is always there for her despite all their imperfections and misgivings. So she learnt to stay and learnt to be consistent, like he is to her. For once, she made her own choice and will not bow down to the challenges thrown by fate...
His loyalty, integrity and his ability to love unconditionally is paramount and like a worshipper, she sees him in the light of a Higher Being. She must be one hell of a lucky bitch. After all, every dog has its day. Hers must have come earlier than she expected.
****
So guess it's exactly six years today and they are still counting...
That first day , she remembered was a Wednesday and it was raining when their emotions were hinted in the open. Like the shades thathas dominated her entire life and state of mind, she became his grey arrangement. Then they became official because he walked away from his six years with her.
****
"Happy Anniwersary, Darling" she declared to him today cheekily and endearingly in the worst possible English.
She is quite fond of butchering languages and distorting words when she speaks to him. And him and only him have that privilege to enjoy her in disgust, much to their great delight.
As she count the days where she would return home for the weekend, she looks forward to their usual episode of them three playing catch, doing a jumpy forward roll into bed to "crush" the other, being disgusted by her behaviour and expressions and laughing uncontrollably at her bawdy jokes and for the nth time, knows that she would once again wish that she never left. They can make each other extremely happy and she reasoned, hence, just as sad. It takes one to know the other to make and break each other.
They must still be in love then. Don't you think?
Comments:
<< Home
P,
I want that high too. Which i get from time to time. But I want it perpetual. I want a perpetual high with MY DL.
That's the only way the demons will be set free and I wil feel contented in our shared little life, away from creatures who are capable of making my head malfunction.
When is enough, enough P?
Happy Anniwersary doll :)
I sincerely wish you and DL that bliss you are in for the rest of your life (and his).
I want that high too. Which i get from time to time. But I want it perpetual. I want a perpetual high with MY DL.
That's the only way the demons will be set free and I wil feel contented in our shared little life, away from creatures who are capable of making my head malfunction.
When is enough, enough P?
Happy Anniwersary doll :)
I sincerely wish you and DL that bliss you are in for the rest of your life (and his).
Dear Danya,
Thanks.:)
I don't know about it being perpetual. The only constance in one's life is inconsistency, don't you think?
And yes, you are partly right about how that might be the way to exorcise those demons in your life. But again, it comes down to oneself. Maybe there is a deep seated reason why you are not 100% happy with your DL, like he fails to fill in on some of the emotional gaps you are facing? Perhaps being able to recognise that and find a way to resolve the situation or to move on might set you free?
Or maybe cos there is no spark and magic in your r/ship with D/L anymore and you want to seek the "high" from it again?
It's like how Dope feels for his D/L. Guess I part re-kindled that magic and "high" that he gets from me and closed some of those voids he feels...and vice versa...
I know why I have those demons and recognise why they exist. Mine did not arise from the lack of magic but somewhere along the way the real issues of our joint lives took over and did kill the magic big time and then things happened and it was never quite the same again...we did some permanent damage there...
And so like yourself, I am not fully inclined to hang up my sails yet so to speak...But I know I will in time. Guess you need to ask yourself if you and your DL might work that magic again...
Guess we'll all figure it out somehow.
Thank you once again for your well wishes. Really do appreciate that and I do wish that you too would find ultimate bliss, be it A, Z or M. But at the end of the day when you say yes, you know there could only be one. And I hope you would stay happy...:)
Sigh...the dilemma posed by monogamy...
but on a positive note, the decision to a full commitment is a test of one's will and ability to love and saccrifice for souls with too many hearts like us...;)
Thanks.:)
I don't know about it being perpetual. The only constance in one's life is inconsistency, don't you think?
And yes, you are partly right about how that might be the way to exorcise those demons in your life. But again, it comes down to oneself. Maybe there is a deep seated reason why you are not 100% happy with your DL, like he fails to fill in on some of the emotional gaps you are facing? Perhaps being able to recognise that and find a way to resolve the situation or to move on might set you free?
Or maybe cos there is no spark and magic in your r/ship with D/L anymore and you want to seek the "high" from it again?
It's like how Dope feels for his D/L. Guess I part re-kindled that magic and "high" that he gets from me and closed some of those voids he feels...and vice versa...
I know why I have those demons and recognise why they exist. Mine did not arise from the lack of magic but somewhere along the way the real issues of our joint lives took over and did kill the magic big time and then things happened and it was never quite the same again...we did some permanent damage there...
And so like yourself, I am not fully inclined to hang up my sails yet so to speak...But I know I will in time. Guess you need to ask yourself if you and your DL might work that magic again...
Guess we'll all figure it out somehow.
Thank you once again for your well wishes. Really do appreciate that and I do wish that you too would find ultimate bliss, be it A, Z or M. But at the end of the day when you say yes, you know there could only be one. And I hope you would stay happy...:)
Sigh...the dilemma posed by monogamy...
but on a positive note, the decision to a full commitment is a test of one's will and ability to love and saccrifice for souls with too many hearts like us...;)
lemme guess, you're working in an investment bank or a consulting firm in Sydney.
you dont have to answer me. :)
Post a Comment
you dont have to answer me. :)
<< Home
