Monday, December 18, 2006
Dear readers (whoever who cares to read),
Something happened to my soul on Friday night going into the wee hours of Saturday morning.
It was stirred and I felt my soul alive again. My instinctive soul as a lover triggered by the dance with a Latino stranger. Frankly, he was a quite of a sleaze bag but he managed to invoke my soul and free it...
I am in the midst of writing a more considered piece. Somehow I feel the urge to put down my thoughts on blog immediately now although my thought process is still trying to take in what I felt and capture the essence by arranging them into coherent phrases. But I have been restless over the weekend over a few things. Today, I was bursting to share my thoughts with someone in further detail and I told Dope, of all people. Not because he was a grey arrangement that made him an inappropriate confidante but rather, I wonder if he understands what I might possibly mean. But I felt that night so strongly I have to tell someone and capture those raw feelings that was invoked within me in the plainest possible language I could describe. Anyway, here's a snippet of what happened, hastily written by the way.
Oh, and if those handful of you have been observant enough to realise that my last blog was written "really" in the first person narration for the first time about "my" feelings- no "quotation marks" , past journal exerpts lifted, you might like to know it has something to do with that night and the change in the aura of my soul...
I almost feel I can be bold again...
DilettanteP
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From: P
Sent: Monday, December 18, 2006 5:57 PM
To: Dope
Subject: RE: Tell you something...
Something happened to my soul the other night, Dopey.
I thought I found myself again.
As in the uninhibited free spirited self- I salsa-ed and did the meringue with 2 Latinos…
And I wasn’t even really drunk though I have been drinking for 12 hours. Like I was wide awake, conscious and not drunk… no nasty hangovers whatsoever…
From: Dope
Sent: Monday, December 18, 2006 6:02 PM
To: P
Subject: Re: Tell you something...
the meringue?
12 hours! impressive
doesn't sound that different from what you're normally like?
From: P
Sent: Monday, December 18, 2006 6:12 PM
To: Dope
Subject: RE: Tell you something...
No- I didn’t know I could meringue and dirty dance because since I was with DL, I stopped dancing really…and back then, it was more disco dancing…
But I did and I wasn’t even drunk.
Then the 2ndLatino was a bit of a sleaze bag and rubbed himself hard against me while we dance and tried to steal a kiss from my mouth with his tongue but I was quick to tilt by head and I teased him, allowing him to breathe the perfume along my neck and smother it with kisses…. He held my butt with both his hands and tried his hands also on my off-limit area (the bosom!) and I was quick to pull that away and twirled with him and what do you call that when the guy hold the girl and she bent backwards? Miss P is still quite flexible considering the lack of practice over so many years!!!
That pure game of seduction on the dancefloor while I twirled away from him and he spun me back to him and I felt his hard knob on pressed against my butt and slowly he ran his hands along my body to my hips and then trying to work his hands down my thighs and towards my centre as we swang from side to side in sync and went lower and lower to the dancefloor and back up..
But it was the essence of the art form, I got it! Like I think I have danced like that before and I enjoyed it because I felt there and then (though he was a stranger and what the heck) that I found my lover self again- the scent of a man on me… except he was not my real lover and I couldn’t look him in the eye that way when u feel the heat and the desire to f*** the person because you are in passion and in love…
I can’t quite tell you-it’s been a while…
It’s like the way I should have danced with J in Cuba or the Chilean ex- lover in Paris… which never happened…
I never used to drink, I went to the clubs for the music and to dance. But somehow it all changed over the past years and I was relegated to a drink in hand and being an observer of merry-making at bars and clubs…
That nite, I found me again and I went home at 3.30am and I couldn’t sleep from a sense of revelation… and I rang B...
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