Friday, December 22, 2006
Tis the Season...
to be reflecting, I think. The year 2006 came and went just like that. By that, I mean the zero working days left for the year in this part of the world where I live. I have lots to reflect on...
Outstanding work from last year still lies on my desk undone (didn't help that the database was down; only the problem on my PC remained unresolved when the system went up and running again), then there is career progression and opportunities to think about, the skeletons of my unfinished emotional love affairs left unexorcised, the bargain deal that needs to be had in our (DL and I) quest for our own little love nest or rather, adult investment...
The Life of Young P and adulthood.
I don't know- so much have happened within these 365 days.
A year and a bit ago, I was left jobless. Down but not out. I am a lot well placed financially now. But really worse off, if I were to examine my own balance sheet at the moment.
Two years ago, I was recovering from Paris. Recovering because I nearly had that big break, working with the best of the best. The man who made Claudia Schiffer famous- to be his apprentice or assistant. Watching "The Devil wears Prada" makes me somewhat nostalgic. I was nearly there. As far as one could enter into the realm of fashion royalty. Then there were the heartaches that shook up my dormant soul, only to make it somewhat wretched...
Today, I met up for lunch with Dope. I wonder if he realises that perhaps we are a thing of the past. We were at it for a year or so since October 2005. And today when we parted, he took the initiative to kiss me. Well, that requires a fair bit of initiative from a restrained Dope. I think he meant to aim for my forehead but I didn't expect the kiss coming and tilted my head to look up and hit him on his mouth. You see, he is a lot taller than my short self and I would normally tiptoe for our mouths to reach. Today, I didn't. I blew him a kiss back instead and say we'll see each other next year...
During lunch, I told him that I went the cocktail party of The Big Man (of the i-bank he works for) last week. I actually felt bad for not taking him along for this gig. It would have given him a bit of a lift and exposure to his career, being found to socialise with the MDs of the organisation. He could have possibly been viewed more favourably in the big boysy world of his organisation and join that "in" club through this association with the CEO and his wife, having already been given some recognition for his good work. I did once promised that we'll do our "flesh" out together to give him a leg up in his career. The CEO was once told by my colleagues and his wife that he is my "part-time" boyfriend. After all, he did also put in a fair bit of effort to help me to get back on my feet when I was down and jobless. And isn't it the duty of a headhunter to best place the interests of professional welfare for the selected few, especially one that one really does care for as a person?
The one good thing that I have learnt from fashion school is always to remember the kindness of people who helped you along the way. Call it professional integrity or plain integrity, that is something that has been deeply ingrained in me.
But my bad conscience was somewhat allayed by the knowledge that Dope, too has been approached by a headhunter and has been given some other opportunities. So at least his name is now in the market. He also updated me that his rankings have gone up and did I see that on the BRW? That was self-affirming for him and I recognised that tone, not of arrogance but one that was seeking some self conscious form of approval and recognition from me.
Yesterday, I was summoned for my second round of interview with the headhunter who approached me. I will see the Managing Director and his team when we return to work on the second week. They are very keen to meet up and resume talks. I have been doubting myself at work for the good 4 months or so now. I have no real skills and am really a charlatan. How did I manage to make a name for myself out in the market, I wonder? My previous postulations of ex-colleagues and mentors with an axe to grind with the firm, thus proffering my name have turned out to be incorrect and I was revealed the name of the mysterious headhunter who have worked for my interviewer to track "talents" like me down. I happened to be one of the four shortlisted candidate who is reputedly to be "good" at what I do. But really, I have done naught and rode previously on the coat tails on The King and a super elite team, led by supposedly the best leader in what we do within our space in the Asia Pacific region.
Being with the best team and working in one of the largest firm of its kind in the world, is this all there is for one to expect in one's career? I have been stagnated in what I do for a while now and I questioned my own tenacity and weighed it with the fast diminishing opportunities that I hope to seek to progress in my job. I am indeed the least valued member of the team, I feel and I know as I have paced my own expectations for my work progress and could see that the gap is fast widening and I must be behind by at least six months now. I almost feel that I am done with the financial ride if things do not shake up on my end.
There are only these many teams that one could map out and it has been ironic that I, of all people got landed a job like this by sheer accident (ie. responding to a job ad under the impression of doing something else and was broke and penniless at that time and was this close to working as a stockbroker with four big men). Because you must know that I have the biggest phone phobia.
"You need to be in the mood", many research gurus of my industry has told me regarding our frequent extraction of information exercise. I know what they meant and can relate that to writers' block. But then these days, I don't seem to be "in the mood" and often go in with a detectable bravado and exited knowing that I have been busted and would have to lie low for a while, perhaps re-visiting the site again with yet a different pseudonym, persona and an altered accent. Then there are sudden deadlines to be made that does not allow for research tantrums as such to act up. The seniority of this corporate food chain is dependent on my abilities. I do the hunting in the wilderness with some or little clues and save it for them to do the killing. That is how the deal goes- I do the shit job.
I wonder what has happened to my socially tenacious self. My friends were so happy when they first learnt that I have finally secured a suitable job. After all, I am supposed to have the best memories in remembering people's backgrounds and scoured the Tatler pages in my youthful late teenage years and could single out the Who's who quite easily in a club or at the race course (when the best friend and I watched the races in the horse owners' exclusive stands) and when I was child, the Spy Guidebook was my bible. The best friend still gets me to check people out and to provide her with a quick download of profiles (which I have said to her that I no longer live and operate in that part of the world and hence, have not been as up to speed with the social scene; besides, her "espionage-y" background would provide her with some wily ways to find things out). Then I am told that I have this larger- than- life personality and I have this special intuition and insight to people that attracted people to me as their confidante. I suit a consulting role like this. But I have not seemed to have applied my natural talents so well to my profession. I think before I know it, the practice would run out of their ever supportive patience for me. I almost feel it coming...
My best friend in the firm is the accountant. I really treat him like an older brother and he is the only man that I ever partied with in this great big, lonely city apart from Dope. And there are advantages in having the accountant as your best buddy. I get an insight about the financials of people there.
The accountant told me what to expect for my bonus today- ballpark figure (we tend not talk in real figures but we could possibly reach a mutual understanding and not compromise on anybody's professional integrity). It was within my expectation but somewhat disappointing. Disappointing because it was not enough to pay my debts but also because I think I could have gotten more if I was being able to take on higher responsibilities (there are only this many times you could "take the initiative" and get subtly rejected or get pushed sideways) and possibly be of better use to the team.
Also, really, I think there are better ways to make money.
I wonder again should I move or not. After all, I was to expect lesser frequency of bonuses after this one and do I want to sit out till February 2008 for the next?
The dates for my overseas conference is confirmed today. I would be flown overseas for six days and was told by colleagues who have been here longer that everyone gets their own room with a good view. Then there is the training in the conference that would benefit in the longer term for me to extend myself in my career.
Timing again is an issue, given that the other end might look to hiring the right person early in the year. I will need to buy much time...
Ah well, so much to think about.
I am glad I have till the end of this year to gather my thoughts and strategy for 2007. If ever I am a failure at managing my soul and emotional grip, well, at least, I better be good at bringing in the money. Just in case, I have no harbour to return to at the end of the day...
(Oh as an aside, my colleague asked how was my lunch with Dope. I said good- he kissed me but I blew him one.
"So you don't like him no more? Well, that's good. DL is a good guy."
"So is Dope. But no, I think I must agree DL is better for me."
"Well P, at the end of the day, all a girl wants is to return home to a man who can cook."
"AND hopefully, do the tax returns and planning. Yes, we'll help him get there and then I'll be a lucky girl...")
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year for readers who trudged on to finish reading this post!
to be reflecting, I think. The year 2006 came and went just like that. By that, I mean the zero working days left for the year in this part of the world where I live. I have lots to reflect on...
Outstanding work from last year still lies on my desk undone (didn't help that the database was down; only the problem on my PC remained unresolved when the system went up and running again), then there is career progression and opportunities to think about, the skeletons of my unfinished emotional love affairs left unexorcised, the bargain deal that needs to be had in our (DL and I) quest for our own little love nest or rather, adult investment...
The Life of Young P and adulthood.
I don't know- so much have happened within these 365 days.
A year and a bit ago, I was left jobless. Down but not out. I am a lot well placed financially now. But really worse off, if I were to examine my own balance sheet at the moment.
Two years ago, I was recovering from Paris. Recovering because I nearly had that big break, working with the best of the best. The man who made Claudia Schiffer famous- to be his apprentice or assistant. Watching "The Devil wears Prada" makes me somewhat nostalgic. I was nearly there. As far as one could enter into the realm of fashion royalty. Then there were the heartaches that shook up my dormant soul, only to make it somewhat wretched...
Today, I met up for lunch with Dope. I wonder if he realises that perhaps we are a thing of the past. We were at it for a year or so since October 2005. And today when we parted, he took the initiative to kiss me. Well, that requires a fair bit of initiative from a restrained Dope. I think he meant to aim for my forehead but I didn't expect the kiss coming and tilted my head to look up and hit him on his mouth. You see, he is a lot taller than my short self and I would normally tiptoe for our mouths to reach. Today, I didn't. I blew him a kiss back instead and say we'll see each other next year...
During lunch, I told him that I went the cocktail party of The Big Man (of the i-bank he works for) last week. I actually felt bad for not taking him along for this gig. It would have given him a bit of a lift and exposure to his career, being found to socialise with the MDs of the organisation. He could have possibly been viewed more favourably in the big boysy world of his organisation and join that "in" club through this association with the CEO and his wife, having already been given some recognition for his good work. I did once promised that we'll do our "flesh" out together to give him a leg up in his career. The CEO was once told by my colleagues and his wife that he is my "part-time" boyfriend. After all, he did also put in a fair bit of effort to help me to get back on my feet when I was down and jobless. And isn't it the duty of a headhunter to best place the interests of professional welfare for the selected few, especially one that one really does care for as a person?
The one good thing that I have learnt from fashion school is always to remember the kindness of people who helped you along the way. Call it professional integrity or plain integrity, that is something that has been deeply ingrained in me.
But my bad conscience was somewhat allayed by the knowledge that Dope, too has been approached by a headhunter and has been given some other opportunities. So at least his name is now in the market. He also updated me that his rankings have gone up and did I see that on the BRW? That was self-affirming for him and I recognised that tone, not of arrogance but one that was seeking some self conscious form of approval and recognition from me.
Yesterday, I was summoned for my second round of interview with the headhunter who approached me. I will see the Managing Director and his team when we return to work on the second week. They are very keen to meet up and resume talks. I have been doubting myself at work for the good 4 months or so now. I have no real skills and am really a charlatan. How did I manage to make a name for myself out in the market, I wonder? My previous postulations of ex-colleagues and mentors with an axe to grind with the firm, thus proffering my name have turned out to be incorrect and I was revealed the name of the mysterious headhunter who have worked for my interviewer to track "talents" like me down. I happened to be one of the four shortlisted candidate who is reputedly to be "good" at what I do. But really, I have done naught and rode previously on the coat tails on The King and a super elite team, led by supposedly the best leader in what we do within our space in the Asia Pacific region.
Being with the best team and working in one of the largest firm of its kind in the world, is this all there is for one to expect in one's career? I have been stagnated in what I do for a while now and I questioned my own tenacity and weighed it with the fast diminishing opportunities that I hope to seek to progress in my job. I am indeed the least valued member of the team, I feel and I know as I have paced my own expectations for my work progress and could see that the gap is fast widening and I must be behind by at least six months now. I almost feel that I am done with the financial ride if things do not shake up on my end.
There are only these many teams that one could map out and it has been ironic that I, of all people got landed a job like this by sheer accident (ie. responding to a job ad under the impression of doing something else and was broke and penniless at that time and was this close to working as a stockbroker with four big men). Because you must know that I have the biggest phone phobia.
"You need to be in the mood", many research gurus of my industry has told me regarding our frequent extraction of information exercise. I know what they meant and can relate that to writers' block. But then these days, I don't seem to be "in the mood" and often go in with a detectable bravado and exited knowing that I have been busted and would have to lie low for a while, perhaps re-visiting the site again with yet a different pseudonym, persona and an altered accent. Then there are sudden deadlines to be made that does not allow for research tantrums as such to act up. The seniority of this corporate food chain is dependent on my abilities. I do the hunting in the wilderness with some or little clues and save it for them to do the killing. That is how the deal goes- I do the shit job.
I wonder what has happened to my socially tenacious self. My friends were so happy when they first learnt that I have finally secured a suitable job. After all, I am supposed to have the best memories in remembering people's backgrounds and scoured the Tatler pages in my youthful late teenage years and could single out the Who's who quite easily in a club or at the race course (when the best friend and I watched the races in the horse owners' exclusive stands) and when I was child, the Spy Guidebook was my bible. The best friend still gets me to check people out and to provide her with a quick download of profiles (which I have said to her that I no longer live and operate in that part of the world and hence, have not been as up to speed with the social scene; besides, her "espionage-y" background would provide her with some wily ways to find things out). Then I am told that I have this larger- than- life personality and I have this special intuition and insight to people that attracted people to me as their confidante. I suit a consulting role like this. But I have not seemed to have applied my natural talents so well to my profession. I think before I know it, the practice would run out of their ever supportive patience for me. I almost feel it coming...
My best friend in the firm is the accountant. I really treat him like an older brother and he is the only man that I ever partied with in this great big, lonely city apart from Dope. And there are advantages in having the accountant as your best buddy. I get an insight about the financials of people there.
The accountant told me what to expect for my bonus today- ballpark figure (we tend not talk in real figures but we could possibly reach a mutual understanding and not compromise on anybody's professional integrity). It was within my expectation but somewhat disappointing. Disappointing because it was not enough to pay my debts but also because I think I could have gotten more if I was being able to take on higher responsibilities (there are only this many times you could "take the initiative" and get subtly rejected or get pushed sideways) and possibly be of better use to the team.
Also, really, I think there are better ways to make money.
I wonder again should I move or not. After all, I was to expect lesser frequency of bonuses after this one and do I want to sit out till February 2008 for the next?
The dates for my overseas conference is confirmed today. I would be flown overseas for six days and was told by colleagues who have been here longer that everyone gets their own room with a good view. Then there is the training in the conference that would benefit in the longer term for me to extend myself in my career.
Timing again is an issue, given that the other end might look to hiring the right person early in the year. I will need to buy much time...
Ah well, so much to think about.
I am glad I have till the end of this year to gather my thoughts and strategy for 2007. If ever I am a failure at managing my soul and emotional grip, well, at least, I better be good at bringing in the money. Just in case, I have no harbour to return to at the end of the day...
(Oh as an aside, my colleague asked how was my lunch with Dope. I said good- he kissed me but I blew him one.
"So you don't like him no more? Well, that's good. DL is a good guy."
"So is Dope. But no, I think I must agree DL is better for me."
"Well P, at the end of the day, all a girl wants is to return home to a man who can cook."
"AND hopefully, do the tax returns and planning. Yes, we'll help him get there and then I'll be a lucky girl...")
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year for readers who trudged on to finish reading this post!
