Sunday, January 21, 2007
BACK
So I am back. The lugguage arrived only but 24 hours after. It was like a premonition that marked an over anticipated trip.
Never based your plans on other people's timing, the best friend always cautions. She calls me stupid.
She is right.
So I saw him. We stood at the rooftop watching the people below indulging in their merry making. When he stood next to me, I wanted to brush myself close to him. I felt the male pressence that made me get the tingles- it's been a while since I get a good cuddle. Lover cuddles, I call it and his aura next to me excited me. That night, I lost my charms and I surprised myself with my lacklustre behaviour.
I was quiet, like B-style. I lost my words. I am not one who lacks conversational topics. I have conditioned myself socially to do better but tonight. I wonder if it was because we have built up all this anticpation and then there are expectations....
Then there was also the situation. I didn't plan to be there that night anyways. Anyway, I was there. He had alternative female company that night and I was out with his friend before the best friend arrived and we sojourn elsewhere.
That night, B and I headed back to the place where we met the boys and reminisced. We didn't queue- one of the owners came over, introduced himself and ushered us through. Then we fended off a few male advances. We wanted to re-live that moment. And we headed off to chatterbox sober for that night again. B had the chicken rice and I ate up the Hokkien mee that I meant to finish but didn't touch the year before.
It's Sunday. We meant to have met but again, it didn't happened. Change of plans on his end.
See we are not meant to be.
That night, on our way home on the cab, with B sleeping one me, the cab driver starting talking to me. He is a fortune teller and for some reason, told me what he could see in my aura. Things that I've heard a number of times from different clairvoyants. Always about my work and my heart- the disturbances.
Guard your heart at all costs, he cautioned because there will always be these men that will be there to tempt you. Married or not.
He knew that I lie in bed at night weighing my options with DL- the man who didn't make as much money and not as commercially tenacious as me. I'll always be the stronger person who makes the husband prosperous but don't tell him or he'll grow even more laid back, he cautioned again.
You have a really kind heart. But you are stubborn in your speech. If your relationship with a guy didn't work, remember it's his loss not yours.
And your career, it'll pick up. Don't be rash.
That didn't take a clairvoyant to know. Josie said the same to me that night while we caught up on the rooftop as he gave me some brotherly advice. I like Josie as a friend very much and the lack of correspondence didn't do much to affect my level of comfort with him that night.
****
"Can you please play Miss Sunshine today and I'll be you- Miss Ice Queen tonight?" I sulked, caught up in my own mental disturbances. That was last night.
Ah well, just as well that I lost my suitcase of confidence and style. My costumes, I would used to say jokingly to Bern. She knows what those things mean to me.
Don't think I need it anymore than I need it on most days back home.
And I'm only 4 days into my 2.5 weeks' holidays.
Tomorrow's going to be a better day, I hope- me pulling that mock smile again now as I type these words away.
Well, at least I have spent some quality time with the girls and have maximised my time with no more than 4 hours' sleep.
So I am back. The lugguage arrived only but 24 hours after. It was like a premonition that marked an over anticipated trip.
Never based your plans on other people's timing, the best friend always cautions. She calls me stupid.
She is right.
So I saw him. We stood at the rooftop watching the people below indulging in their merry making. When he stood next to me, I wanted to brush myself close to him. I felt the male pressence that made me get the tingles- it's been a while since I get a good cuddle. Lover cuddles, I call it and his aura next to me excited me. That night, I lost my charms and I surprised myself with my lacklustre behaviour.
I was quiet, like B-style. I lost my words. I am not one who lacks conversational topics. I have conditioned myself socially to do better but tonight. I wonder if it was because we have built up all this anticpation and then there are expectations....
Then there was also the situation. I didn't plan to be there that night anyways. Anyway, I was there. He had alternative female company that night and I was out with his friend before the best friend arrived and we sojourn elsewhere.
That night, B and I headed back to the place where we met the boys and reminisced. We didn't queue- one of the owners came over, introduced himself and ushered us through. Then we fended off a few male advances. We wanted to re-live that moment. And we headed off to chatterbox sober for that night again. B had the chicken rice and I ate up the Hokkien mee that I meant to finish but didn't touch the year before.
It's Sunday. We meant to have met but again, it didn't happened. Change of plans on his end.
See we are not meant to be.
That night, on our way home on the cab, with B sleeping one me, the cab driver starting talking to me. He is a fortune teller and for some reason, told me what he could see in my aura. Things that I've heard a number of times from different clairvoyants. Always about my work and my heart- the disturbances.
Guard your heart at all costs, he cautioned because there will always be these men that will be there to tempt you. Married or not.
He knew that I lie in bed at night weighing my options with DL- the man who didn't make as much money and not as commercially tenacious as me. I'll always be the stronger person who makes the husband prosperous but don't tell him or he'll grow even more laid back, he cautioned again.
You have a really kind heart. But you are stubborn in your speech. If your relationship with a guy didn't work, remember it's his loss not yours.
And your career, it'll pick up. Don't be rash.
That didn't take a clairvoyant to know. Josie said the same to me that night while we caught up on the rooftop as he gave me some brotherly advice. I like Josie as a friend very much and the lack of correspondence didn't do much to affect my level of comfort with him that night.
****
"Can you please play Miss Sunshine today and I'll be you- Miss Ice Queen tonight?" I sulked, caught up in my own mental disturbances. That was last night.
Ah well, just as well that I lost my suitcase of confidence and style. My costumes, I would used to say jokingly to Bern. She knows what those things mean to me.
Don't think I need it anymore than I need it on most days back home.
And I'm only 4 days into my 2.5 weeks' holidays.
Tomorrow's going to be a better day, I hope- me pulling that mock smile again now as I type these words away.
Well, at least I have spent some quality time with the girls and have maximised my time with no more than 4 hours' sleep.
