Restructure- on your own terms

Manila Reflection

One week into my holidays and I feel like I have been back in Asia for a long time. Note, for the
first time, my feel for the longevity of this one week period does not stem from my being bored or dread that one normally feels for having to sit out for a duration of time for something one is not inclined to do. Rather, it has something to do with my use of time.

First off, I have slept for an average of only 4 hours. In addition, I have developed the habit of not wearing a watch so I do not keep time. Confining social activities to no more than two girlfriends with flexibility of time also meant that I could rock up to meet them as and when I please. Hence, life is less hurried and has taken on a new meaning...

So having felt that my holidays have thus been stretched longer than my imagination of span could take me, I am still revelling in this mind and soul changing experience. I do not look forward to returning to work where a new set of challenges await me...

Now, that will be faced at another time in another place...

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I have lots to fill my readers in on my well spent time for the one week. I am now in sunny Manila, living graciously in the best part of town in an island style retro home where I blog in the confines of a tastefully and yet spartanly decorated living room that overlooks a long and reflective pool. Again, as fashion and business bantering ensues within the fashion studio of the lady of the house and also at the dining table with the man of the house (another prominent society man in the property development and casino business), I felt once again in touch with my creative and entreprenuerial faculties.

Like I have earlier proposed to DL some one year ago, I think I could live in Manila. There is much money in that region to be made, Daddy, I would encourage.

Everyone I have met so far has been linked to everybody. So and so owned the entire village or mall or have street named after the family name.

Then I have been asked to go on a date by a socially respected real estate developer (which I have politely declined to do so one to one and hence I have the window period to be blogging before I head out to party tonight with my hosts) and there are also the brat packs (one with the face and aura of Random George and Malc) who offered to spend time with me on Sunday and asked when I was to return next and even considering a trip Down Under to visit.

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Back to last Friday, B and I were back at the Chatterbox. She said she missed her chicken rice and I said I've got to finish the untouched Hokkien prawn mee from the year before with the big boys. You see, we were nostalgic.

Then B asked me the question.

"Say, if things doesn't work out for DL and yourself, do you suppose that the Big Boy is someone that is within your serious consideration?"

That was before the saga (notwithstanding its myopic-ness that fast escalated to something unexpected for both parties) .

"Why, of course."

And that was despite his Cassanova ways. I think I could make him quite happy if he could peel away that self-consciousness with me (as I came to realise has little variation from Dope's prior behaviour with me). I wonder what is it about my confidence that appears to have an unwitting impact on a man's self-esteem. I never meant to insult anyone's manhood. I am just being comfortable with myself. Is there something wrong?

*****

But now I know. I'll probably never make a good tai-tai as a doctor's or lawyer's wife.

I need an entreprenuerial partner like myself.

I'll never be that damsel the Big Boy seeks to feed his needy ego to be the Man.

Always living in a life of excesses as a laisseiz faire artist, I thrive on want and desires. Neediness is a sad and pathetic emotion.

Ironically, it is my masculine character that makes me wanting and being DL's damsel. Forever, I'll be his poor baby who is in constant want of his domestic attention and care where I could throw my girlish tantrums to wheedle a lullaby kiss or to carry me into our love bed when the going in that big sharkey world gets tough.