Monday, January 22, 2007
The Re-awakening
My planned trip of indulgence and excessiveness back home has taken a different turn. Just like the errant lugguage who decided to turn up fashionably late. I don't know how things graduated to become the way it is. Then there were signs and warnings...
I am a believer in signs- that voice in my head that always comes to warn me about things. The witchy karma that I always have and like a soothsayer myself, my friends have valued my views to seek direction for years. I have a vortex that way and I always get to know before anyone else.
Now I am trying to let go- of connections and bonds. Let things be... the state of muga...
For some reason, this trip has transpired to something else instead. I found myself re-awakening to the spirituality of my core. That place that I thought I have lost for good. I found it back in my own backyard.
For days, I have soaked myself up in philosophical banter with V. She said I always come back at the right time as her saviour to pull her out of her depths of darkness. She saw the light with my ability to make sense of our being and the suffering called Dukka that we get caught up into. And vice versa. V has since resumed her blog as she continues to heal from the damage of her disturbed soul. She is me two or three years ago and I have yet another challenge to proceed...
All day and night, we discuss buddhism which we both embrace as philosophy- our way of life. The karma, the six levels of the human realm, and our constant struggle in this Wheel with the onslaught of Samsara. Then there were also other interesting perspectives of the Singaporean society and government that I have since lost touch with. Again, I found my intellectual rigour from V but in a calming way.
It was last night. I think I saw the light of taking the Middle Way as I progressed from just being aware to the path of letting go and containing the egotiscal "I" in my existence. I have a long way to the path of Enlightenment because everytime I thought I have attained a certain level of spiritual containment to progress, I have temptations that would be thrown in my way. The constant spiritual struggle that makes it an arduous undertaking to proceed on to the next realm.
I have since lost track of time (that non-existence that cast a veil of reality of all that does not exist) though I know I sleep no more than 4 hours and I felt like I have done a lot and fast accelerated to a depth that I thought I was no longer capable of experiencing. This morning, V and I parted on the phone (despite our whole day's outing; we ate and walked and sat by the beach and we hung out at the cafes till we have nowhere to go) at 5.30a.m. I feel invigorated- my soul tries to move on into the other realm with much challenges and demons that continues to obstruct and sabotage. My spiritual will continues to fight against this wave of destruction.
I have long become aware of my being and my lot in life as one fraud with the karma of emotional fallacies. My time now is to move on in that journey to contain myself from that pain and suffering that only I and I could have been inflicted on me.
Last night, I had a revelation. But will keep that one for another day.
Think I have grown a little wiser since the last 24 hours. My soul is stirred again but in an enlightening way.
I have resumed my pacing habit since I got back home this time. That had been my distinct trademark as a child up till the point where I left home at 20. While I pace, I think and then the mental rigour overcomes me and then at a point, I arrive at a form of understanding of the human condition. It's coming back to me again.
This morning, I sat up to speak to Mum. More buddhist philosophical talk. I am surrounded by that spiritual karma once more.
Then along came his sms today. I thought that day was it- his signal for me.
And today, yet another headhunter's call.
At this stage, the suitcase of finery is fast losing its meaning and so is the fight for power and money.
I have just extracted my wisdom tooth early this morning. Perhaps I should have kept it a bit longer. For strength lest I get trapped in that dukka once more.
I am living by the day at this present moment as I take those baby steps to contain my disturbances and be aware.
But tomorrow, where would my path lead me?
My planned trip of indulgence and excessiveness back home has taken a different turn. Just like the errant lugguage who decided to turn up fashionably late. I don't know how things graduated to become the way it is. Then there were signs and warnings...
I am a believer in signs- that voice in my head that always comes to warn me about things. The witchy karma that I always have and like a soothsayer myself, my friends have valued my views to seek direction for years. I have a vortex that way and I always get to know before anyone else.
Now I am trying to let go- of connections and bonds. Let things be... the state of muga...
For some reason, this trip has transpired to something else instead. I found myself re-awakening to the spirituality of my core. That place that I thought I have lost for good. I found it back in my own backyard.
For days, I have soaked myself up in philosophical banter with V. She said I always come back at the right time as her saviour to pull her out of her depths of darkness. She saw the light with my ability to make sense of our being and the suffering called Dukka that we get caught up into. And vice versa. V has since resumed her blog as she continues to heal from the damage of her disturbed soul. She is me two or three years ago and I have yet another challenge to proceed...
All day and night, we discuss buddhism which we both embrace as philosophy- our way of life. The karma, the six levels of the human realm, and our constant struggle in this Wheel with the onslaught of Samsara. Then there were also other interesting perspectives of the Singaporean society and government that I have since lost touch with. Again, I found my intellectual rigour from V but in a calming way.
It was last night. I think I saw the light of taking the Middle Way as I progressed from just being aware to the path of letting go and containing the egotiscal "I" in my existence. I have a long way to the path of Enlightenment because everytime I thought I have attained a certain level of spiritual containment to progress, I have temptations that would be thrown in my way. The constant spiritual struggle that makes it an arduous undertaking to proceed on to the next realm.
I have since lost track of time (that non-existence that cast a veil of reality of all that does not exist) though I know I sleep no more than 4 hours and I felt like I have done a lot and fast accelerated to a depth that I thought I was no longer capable of experiencing. This morning, V and I parted on the phone (despite our whole day's outing; we ate and walked and sat by the beach and we hung out at the cafes till we have nowhere to go) at 5.30a.m. I feel invigorated- my soul tries to move on into the other realm with much challenges and demons that continues to obstruct and sabotage. My spiritual will continues to fight against this wave of destruction.
I have long become aware of my being and my lot in life as one fraud with the karma of emotional fallacies. My time now is to move on in that journey to contain myself from that pain and suffering that only I and I could have been inflicted on me.
Last night, I had a revelation. But will keep that one for another day.
Think I have grown a little wiser since the last 24 hours. My soul is stirred again but in an enlightening way.
I have resumed my pacing habit since I got back home this time. That had been my distinct trademark as a child up till the point where I left home at 20. While I pace, I think and then the mental rigour overcomes me and then at a point, I arrive at a form of understanding of the human condition. It's coming back to me again.
This morning, I sat up to speak to Mum. More buddhist philosophical talk. I am surrounded by that spiritual karma once more.
Then along came his sms today. I thought that day was it- his signal for me.
And today, yet another headhunter's call.
At this stage, the suitcase of finery is fast losing its meaning and so is the fight for power and money.
I have just extracted my wisdom tooth early this morning. Perhaps I should have kept it a bit longer. For strength lest I get trapped in that dukka once more.
I am living by the day at this present moment as I take those baby steps to contain my disturbances and be aware.
But tomorrow, where would my path lead me?
