Restructure- on your own terms

Yet another post

As you can tell, I must have had loads of time on my hand in humid Manila. Today is Sunday.

I have just finished puking from last night's overdrinking. Finally, letting some out. Boy, am I feeling somewhat better.

Having politely declined my hosts to have lunch with the in-laws, I am pretty much left to my own devices in this big spacious house where there are more cars than inhibitants and the hired helps are always at my service.

One particular big boy in question (from last night) has phoned the residence to pick me up for more fun tonight. He has found out from my hosts that I have lost my mobile phone and all my money. He feels bad. I told him that's cool (as always- what can I say right?).

*****

I was just re-reading Milos Sadik's blog entry, "Cunt" and the related comments and have noticed some comments debating about what distincts the identity of a "The Sarong Party Girl".

Heh, it all seems to heavy for a dilettante to get bogged down by. But it does makes me question part of my identity.

You see, most of my carnal experiences involve white men.

I suspect it has something to do with my need to compartmentalize my private, secret life from my joint wholesome life with DL. DL is as Chinese and traditional as a Chinese man could be. And although I love him, I am one fraught with the emotional inconsistences of a lover and I can be quite a horny bitch.

I think the choice of my infidelities deeply stems from wanting to make DL special and distinct him from the rest of the other guys that I have slept with. I rarely notice Asian guys, especially Chinese ones anymore. I don't know.

Then I also have this persona of east meets west.

Hmm, I am also thinking about my appearance. I do not have tanned skin- in fact, I shunned the sun for the most part and am fairer than the average Australian. I speak with an accent that comes naturally because I always had a somewhat neutral accent growing up and has been highly adaptable to cater to all beings from the gamut of Asian to Caucasian.

I do not shun my Chinese roots. In fact, I have a Bachelor degree in Chinese and am very proud to be bilingual. No yellow inferiority complex here.

Also, guess what? I am such a Buddhist and I am highly superstitious. No inclination to westernise myself here. Heh!

So I don't know where I belong. I notice that the caucasian men gravitate towards me more than the average Asian man and sometimes I wonder if I come across as too strong. I look dainty but am no damsel and perhaps that doesn't quite sit well with man who might have confidence issues. Once, they start talking to me, I give myself away that way. You see, I am also very upfront.

My flirtatiousness and playfulness have also been balanced off with my seriousness (especially when it comes to making money).

I just realised upon bantering with V that it takes a very confident man (barring DL who got lucky; heh) to want to seriously consider me.

You see, although I fit in well with the first wives' club (as I did so last night with the Manila social belles who spent much time discussing frivolous things like couteriers and celebrity make-up artistes), I find myself more comfortable sitting with the big boys talking about money-making plans and their investments. I once made it to the final round to become a stockbroker with four big men. You see, I was the only girl and I so wanted to challenge myself to be in that big battle ground and play and fight alongside with the big boys. I love to see how far I could stretch myself.

Ironically, I led a semi charmed life studying fashion designing from the fashion greats. But I have no interest in watching TV, fashion magazines to learn about the latest trends. I'm into my own style because I have my own philosophical ideas about fashion and its art form that I do not care to discuss with the average Jane. And after all, aren't the clothes I have acquired from the stores already a result of the mass production of the current season's fashion trends inspired by haute couture? Think I do not need to further succumb to my herd instincts.

Ok, yet another crap post that sounds like "look at me" and "it's about me", "I....". Think I better start thinking about what to wear and get ready for my date who had a field day sliding his hand between my legs last night in the chauffered 4wd where we sat in the middle row and I had my full length spreaded across, his fly unzipped and one buddy sitting in the last row and another at the passenger seat.

By the way, I don't foresee any hanky panky business re-enacting tonight.