Restructure- on your own terms

As usual, I am one of the last to leave the office. Today I was the second last and the lights at the corridor and the bathroom were already dimmed automatically by the time I left the office.

There was an impending storm and the sky was looking to rain anytime.

I stepped out of the Tower of Power and am glad that my day is done. It was a bonus that it’s Thursday night, meaning it’s late night shopping and the shops close at 9.00 p.m. Plus tomorrow is Friday. The week has sure flown by.

I strolled along the street towards the main shopping strip, with the breeze blowing softly in my face. I knew that tonight I was to give my gym a miss yet again since I was too tired for further physical exertion. I must have been to the gym once in three months and is still paying hundreds of dollars for the membership at the hotel. I wondered how I used to have that mental will to clock in four hours a day at the gym split into two sessions, eating virtually nothing until DL came into my life to extract me from my destruction...

I walked past numerous pubs, bars and restaurants with young professionals like myself winding down for the week. I felt semi envious because I could do with a glass of wine at this stage. The only problem was that I did not have any company.

I did a quick mental combing through of my social address book and could single out no more than 3 people that I could possibly round up for a drink but even then, I need to give these people warning. First off, they are all male and are mostly married with a kid. So the Mrs. needs to be informed in advance. Then there is Dope, my first choice for an evening out but I am conscious that he too is taken by X and since the abandonment of our grey arrangement, neither of us has made a big conscious effort to catch up. Work has since taken predominance over my life and any pre-arrangements between us have become somewhat tentative and often, not followed up.

The problem here is that I lack close girlfriends in this big city that I live where I could do girly nights out, shopping trips, wine and dine or a visit to the beauty parlour. My only closest girlfriend is the older sibling who does not embrace the nightlife and where we have both proved to be bad influences with each other in the spending department. Each self-pledged window-shopping trips on the weekend has often end up otherwise, us each blowing at less a good couple of hundred bucks on vintage dresses and what not, followed by an expensive meal at the restaurant. No wonder we have had difficulty losing weight and getting back to our exercise regime.

Tonight she works the night shift in emergency and I wouldn’t see her for a good couple of days. That means I eat alone.

I became aware of my own mortality- it's me against the world. While I still deem myself mentally and physically fit to party, everyone seems to be settling down. A slight panic attack set in once more that I am fast exiting my twenties and I will slowing be losing more friends to settling down and no one to party with. What am I doing in this city with all the interesting nightlife, finally some disposable income but no mates to have fun with? I almost feel like I am in golden handcuffs.

I walked past the Men’s Gallery and was half hoping to see a Women’s Gallery for the upwardly mobile class of females like myself to unwind for the night… this is not to mention also, that a thousand phalluses has been assaulting my imagination while I was working hard away at my desk today. I felt them especially in my mouth and then the numerous imaginary hands feeling, touching and covering my body. Crazy eh!

I walked on and tried on some suits. I have the urge to buy something today, given that I feel a need to reward myself for my hard day’s work. I figured buying work related clothes would justify the expenditure outlay.

I trawled through a number of shops, looking to stock up some knitwear or business shirts for the season but found nothing that I really fancy. I felt the fabric of the knit in my hand and checked the labels to ensure that they were made of 100% natural fibre. You see, I am quite serious about the knits that I don. Cashmere, silk, wool (preferably merino over lamb) and cotton (even better, if it’s grass cotton) are what whets my clothing appetitie.

As my eyes combed the clothing racks, I suddenly recalled how I would use to buy a piece of knitwear almost every week (mainly because I was too lazy to do the laundry- can you believe it?) from Country Road when the new arrivals get merchandised. I would have preferred to wear Pringle anytime but my meagre salary of AUD$30,000 per annum as a retail store manager meant that that was all I could afford. Even then, I wonder how I managed to afford them. The girls in my shop cannot believe the serious amount of money I spent there (we were selling similar merchandise albeit a slightly lesser price point) when I could easily get my knits from our store at half price or for free (where I was given a $1000 clothing allowance each season). But still the knits there were not 100% natural fibre.

How did I survive those days, I wondered as I walked out of Country Road today, my mind still pressed on the issue of my extravagant spending in those days. Funny how I could even have savings as well. Then I remember! I had Dad’s credit card and sometimes it came in handy for me to pay for the groceries and the dining out! I was such a lucky bitch! But even then life was lived ever so precariously, especially when there were the two of us (DL and I) that I had to make a conscious effort to ensure the books were balanced. I was ever so afraid to pick up that call from home and be confronted with my financial irresponsibility…

Now, all that is over! Finally, I tell myself.

But today although I felt I had some money to burn, I couldn’t find the goods. I figured I was just feeling empty- the phenomenon of young professional working class who is constantly overworked and in need of a quick fix!

Then I was reminded of my last week’s purchases. Again for the past few consecutive weekends, I have spent money on clothes. Each item entails an outlay of at least AUD$150. A shirt here, a silk blouse there and another vintage dress or blouse, not to mention matching accessories and throw in another pair of shoes, they all add up… Oh, and yesterday, I coolly drew out AUD$1500 to pay up some credit card debts. More to come and pay in full comes pay day before the nasty interest expenses sets in and starts pinching my bank account. Then there is that long anticipated property that needs to be bought by this year. DL and I have been contemplating about buying a land and building our dream house of late, which means more money needs to be put out. So I figured enough of perving at useless, depreciable items in the shops and time to think about dinner.

Like a typical night in the week, I then sojourned to my usual Korean eatery across from my gym and have dinner solo, observing the laughing dining crowd drinking soju and sharing hot pots with their hearty company…

Then I would head home, looking forward to my date with the laptop, typing away what I please and am comforted by this creative outlet of blogging where I can vent and stay connected to the world while I remain" safe" within the confines of my four walls…

# posted by DilettanteP @ 11:38 pm