Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Nice Letters
I swear that some days when I think it's the end of my somewhat "colourful" (read distracting) existence and that that young-ish life of P is about to head down the track of social boredom, fate has a hand at handing down a few nice surprises...
This morning as I was rushing out of the train station for the zillionth time slightly late for work, I thought I heard his voice. My Dopey. Well, not really mine except for addressing him by that pet name (and I was P to him). But I was in a such a hurry, I turned my head quickly but not far enough to see if it was really him as I continued brisk walking on. We haven't met since the last day of work before Christmas...
Not long after I got into the office, I received an email. It was Dopey.There were apologies for being rude i.e missing in action and then the usual how are you.
We crossed checked our times at the train station. It wasn't him. I didn't really think it was either, given that the mysterious man had a loud voice and Dopey has a very discreet voice, except that the man has a similar tone to Dopey.
I replied we should catch up next week given that the best friend B would be here and perhaps we could revive that night!
*****
I just read another letter that brought tears to my eyes.
You see, it was Cuban J's 32nd birthday last week and I sent him an email. We have not written for a good nine months now. It was really my fault- I let the communication drop off.
Cuban J and my nights in Havana changed me.
I was never the same person again. I often wonder if it was really him or the nature of my soul that betrayed me?
I was a monogamous one boyfriend type of girl before I met Cuban J. But being with DL in those years always felt like that me trudging on in long march in a dark tunnel, looking for light that never came. And then quite suddenly, I found passion again when I met Cuban J- that historian and intellect. I thought I loved him. I wonder now but I think more accurately, I was in passion with him- no, I don't mean carnally but in spirit. We had so much to talk about and then there were the long passionate, fiery emails exchanged (in spite my being busted that led to the opening of the Pandora's box with DL that forever marred a part of my personal history and that element of self destructiveness and anger spilled over to give rise to my private life of affairs, heartaches and pain)about his "third- world" Communist views as opposed to my "worldly" views.Those love letters exchanged with a lot of angst and passion- I thought I found my old self again…
I guess I did but then reality hit me and once again that spark got extinguished. It was a long year thereafter…
Then there were those emphatic moments where I was driven by my emotions that took a free rein over my actions. I made him promises to get him out of the country- all at the expense of DL’s feelings. I was a struggling university graduate when I returned from that trip and had spent some time washing dishes in a kitchen to make ends meet in my joint existence with DL.
It was a first for me- me letting my heart rule my head and in doing so, I have hurt the one who loves me ever so deeply till today. I guess I have grown slightly wiser, or shall I say emotionally cautious or responsible to know better.
That dark moment and thereafter tainting my life a hue deeper- I shall forever carry the burden of pain for DL and for me.
****
Hi P:
First of all, I’m sorry for not writing you in so long. It’s really busy around here. I got operated last March and I passed 45 bored and stupid days at home, resting and eating a lot. Now everybody tell me that I’ve gained some weight! That’s why I couldn’t be able to write you in so long. Plus, we have a new secretary and I don’t have the same opportunities of some months ago. So, it’s a little bit difficult to send mails. Please, forgive me for forgetting your birthday: I always forget birthdays and have to ask my friends about theirs so I can fulfill my friend duties.
Girl, it was great to remember all those memories again! You don’t know how many things passed before my eyes when I read your email. Of course I remember all those days. Yes, the Bin Bon is still there but the loveliest memory I have comes from the Gato Tuerto, the bolero restaurant we visited. Do you remember it?
It’s good to know about your life. It seems you have worked everything out. I hope you have a good position in your job and you’re getting some money. So, I think Dubai could be a nice place to live, don’t you? Why didn’t you accept the job? Was it bad? I have a question (I’m sorry but our circumstances and lives aren’t like yours and it’s very interesting what you told me. Anyway, I think we have share some moments and if you don’t want to answer it’s ok then): how’s living far away from your couple and see him only once or twice a week? Is it hard?
Things are ok with me now. I’ve just broke up with a girl three months ago. She went to China to study last September and we tried to keep the relation but it was so hard to do…well, I don’t want to talk about it. I’m not seeing anyone now but I hope someone will appear sooner or later.
I want you to know that I already left the cigarette two years and two months ago. It feels so good! I’ve lived a lot of good things since the last bloody cigarette. Now I feel better and have a new perspective of life. We (my coworker and I) are moving to another department. We’ll have better work conditions but we lose some privacy. Anyway, I think it’s ok. I’ve got some music lately and I’m hearing everything (rock –hard, soft, heavy-, blues, Cuban folk music, pop, all of the highest quality). The more important: I’ve just got some Cuban vanguard music (something like Dylan, Tracy Chapman, in the case of the U.S., but more political). I love this music.
Regarding Yashu, she went to Mexico to live there. I’ll send her your bests and let’s see how you can communicate with her ‘cause she doesn’t speak or write English at all.
Well, girl, it’s been great having news from you again. I hope we don’t lose communication again. I swear you I won’t do it! Ok, by now, please write me back. Muchos besos,
J
*****
Guess it is all water under the bridge now with those men.
That's all it matters now, isn't it?
I swear that some days when I think it's the end of my somewhat "colourful" (read distracting) existence and that that young-ish life of P is about to head down the track of social boredom, fate has a hand at handing down a few nice surprises...
This morning as I was rushing out of the train station for the zillionth time slightly late for work, I thought I heard his voice. My Dopey. Well, not really mine except for addressing him by that pet name (and I was P to him). But I was in a such a hurry, I turned my head quickly but not far enough to see if it was really him as I continued brisk walking on. We haven't met since the last day of work before Christmas...
Not long after I got into the office, I received an email. It was Dopey.There were apologies for being rude i.e missing in action and then the usual how are you.
We crossed checked our times at the train station. It wasn't him. I didn't really think it was either, given that the mysterious man had a loud voice and Dopey has a very discreet voice, except that the man has a similar tone to Dopey.
I replied we should catch up next week given that the best friend B would be here and perhaps we could revive that night!
*****
I just read another letter that brought tears to my eyes.
You see, it was Cuban J's 32nd birthday last week and I sent him an email. We have not written for a good nine months now. It was really my fault- I let the communication drop off.
Cuban J and my nights in Havana changed me.
I was never the same person again. I often wonder if it was really him or the nature of my soul that betrayed me?
I was a monogamous one boyfriend type of girl before I met Cuban J. But being with DL in those years always felt like that me trudging on in long march in a dark tunnel, looking for light that never came. And then quite suddenly, I found passion again when I met Cuban J- that historian and intellect. I thought I loved him. I wonder now but I think more accurately, I was in passion with him- no, I don't mean carnally but in spirit. We had so much to talk about and then there were the long passionate, fiery emails exchanged (in spite my being busted that led to the opening of the Pandora's box with DL that forever marred a part of my personal history and that element of self destructiveness and anger spilled over to give rise to my private life of affairs, heartaches and pain)about his "third- world" Communist views as opposed to my "worldly" views.Those love letters exchanged with a lot of angst and passion- I thought I found my old self again…
I guess I did but then reality hit me and once again that spark got extinguished. It was a long year thereafter…
Then there were those emphatic moments where I was driven by my emotions that took a free rein over my actions. I made him promises to get him out of the country- all at the expense of DL’s feelings. I was a struggling university graduate when I returned from that trip and had spent some time washing dishes in a kitchen to make ends meet in my joint existence with DL.
It was a first for me- me letting my heart rule my head and in doing so, I have hurt the one who loves me ever so deeply till today. I guess I have grown slightly wiser, or shall I say emotionally cautious or responsible to know better.
That dark moment and thereafter tainting my life a hue deeper- I shall forever carry the burden of pain for DL and for me.
****
Hi P:
First of all, I’m sorry for not writing you in so long. It’s really busy around here. I got operated last March and I passed 45 bored and stupid days at home, resting and eating a lot. Now everybody tell me that I’ve gained some weight! That’s why I couldn’t be able to write you in so long. Plus, we have a new secretary and I don’t have the same opportunities of some months ago. So, it’s a little bit difficult to send mails. Please, forgive me for forgetting your birthday: I always forget birthdays and have to ask my friends about theirs so I can fulfill my friend duties.
Girl, it was great to remember all those memories again! You don’t know how many things passed before my eyes when I read your email. Of course I remember all those days. Yes, the Bin Bon is still there but the loveliest memory I have comes from the Gato Tuerto, the bolero restaurant we visited. Do you remember it?
It’s good to know about your life. It seems you have worked everything out. I hope you have a good position in your job and you’re getting some money. So, I think Dubai could be a nice place to live, don’t you? Why didn’t you accept the job? Was it bad? I have a question (I’m sorry but our circumstances and lives aren’t like yours and it’s very interesting what you told me. Anyway, I think we have share some moments and if you don’t want to answer it’s ok then): how’s living far away from your couple and see him only once or twice a week? Is it hard?
Things are ok with me now. I’ve just broke up with a girl three months ago. She went to China to study last September and we tried to keep the relation but it was so hard to do…well, I don’t want to talk about it. I’m not seeing anyone now but I hope someone will appear sooner or later.
I want you to know that I already left the cigarette two years and two months ago. It feels so good! I’ve lived a lot of good things since the last bloody cigarette. Now I feel better and have a new perspective of life. We (my coworker and I) are moving to another department. We’ll have better work conditions but we lose some privacy. Anyway, I think it’s ok. I’ve got some music lately and I’m hearing everything (rock –hard, soft, heavy-, blues, Cuban folk music, pop, all of the highest quality). The more important: I’ve just got some Cuban vanguard music (something like Dylan, Tracy Chapman, in the case of the U.S., but more political). I love this music.
Regarding Yashu, she went to Mexico to live there. I’ll send her your bests and let’s see how you can communicate with her ‘cause she doesn’t speak or write English at all.
Well, girl, it’s been great having news from you again. I hope we don’t lose communication again. I swear you I won’t do it! Ok, by now, please write me back. Muchos besos,
J
*****
Guess it is all water under the bridge now with those men.
That's all it matters now, isn't it?
