Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Whatever
Today, I was in a self-indulgent whingeing mood (and I can now hear the Old Boy say when are you ever not in an "I", "I", "I" mood)...Nevertheless, I was in good enough spirits.
I kept repeating to him that I hated Nano. I couldn't help it, I told him. So he let me go on and on about it.
"Poor P, he used you as a cum bucket!"
"Heh, that's too funny!"
"I don't think its funny. It's sad. Fat Bastard! "
I didn't think it was funny funny. But tragic comedy funny that the OB chose to perceive me as this poor, vulnerable petite damsel being made used of by a chubby guy. But I knew what he meant (thanks, I did appreciate your protectiveness over me).
But then I also allowed it. Stupid P!
****
In other works, I have just finished reading"Catcher in the Rye". I can quite identify myself with Holden Caulfield, the narrator. Interesting book and I am still wondering why it is a book of such great literary merit that it is taught as a Literature text. Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy the book but I am just wondering about the criteria for a book to be chosen as a text used in English class.
****
The past few days I received bad news of 2 people being in the advanced stages of lung cancer and liver cancer. Both news delivered by my two best friends. One being B's father.
The good news is she has decided to get married in 3 months' time. No big deal or any great excitement. News cooly delivered in her usual style. She has begged me not to trouble myself and come back just for her sake. In fact, she almost wishes she doesn't have to turn up at her own party. I'm wondering if she would mind if I suggest that we should have a hens' night? Just to celebrate the end of her bachelorettehood (not that she cares- nothing will really change, she kindda assured me). Just for old times' sake since I guess we would never conquer the world together again (I wish not for her sake too. Like I always said to her if one is a lucky girl, she only needs to be a bride once in her life. I never cared to get married but if I do, I pray it better just be once.)
Ironically, B always wanted to get married and have kids (though kids irritate the hell out of her but she gotta have them). I am the opposite (though I don't like children either but I sure would love my own as well if I decide to finally hatch my eggs!) but I always wanted a big wedding and always know how it's going to be like. She never wanted a wedding party of any kind. Right from the start even when we were seventeen (some things never change I guess). She just wants to bloody get on with her life, find the right man, stick to it(and not have to bloody re-invent the wheel as she puts it when I play the Devil's Advocate and asked perhaps she could wait a bit longer cos there might be bigger, better deals out there for her- she, being still young and beautiful looking).
I'm beginning to wonder if I am a hardcore romanticizer at heart. I still believe in having a fairy tale wedding- party of my life I tell ya if it ever happens and a blissful family life if I should make bold my life's step and walk down the aisle (thought actually gives me heart palpitations of the worst kind- I still view myself too much of a kid to labour over the idea of being someone else's wife! Shivers!). If not, I'll have none. Just like kids- if I couldn't afford to send them to private schools, they aren't coming out from my womb. Nano was highly amused about me and my "private school" bullcrap- he loved it he said and (what he liked about me he) quoted me again before we departed! I'm too afraid to lead that "imperfect" life. If I can't have it complete, I am better off existing alone!
Another good news this morning. A new leash of life! A colleague just had a baby girl. He now has a boy and a girl. How complete!
*****
I missed my last psychologist appointment. I was on my way to see him and then I forgot that I needed to do something for DL and cancelled it. Naturally, the psychologist wasn't too pleased.
I will be going to him this Friday. Let's see what he has got to say.
*****
I am in a fairly great mood today. Lots of jumbled thoughts and actually feeling very ego bruised with the Nano incident. Something to do with last night's online conversation but I wouldn't want to dwell on that since I have managed to contain it.
Bottom line is I am going to chuck him at the furtherest end of my mind. That idiot!
*****
Outstanding Pieces that I have been meaning to write since the start of 2007:
1) Manila Rendezvous Part III (!!!)
2) Being Ready (thoughts are coming together what with B's impending marriage and a no. of wedding news that I received to date plus my relationship wit DL)
3) Finding Ben (coming real soon!)
4) Windsor Boy (maybe- haven't done much justice in words to him)
5) Tears (major emotional breakthrough between DL and I)
Ok, will work through them as mini writing projects for the rest of 2007.
Today, I was in a self-indulgent whingeing mood (and I can now hear the Old Boy say when are you ever not in an "I", "I", "I" mood)...Nevertheless, I was in good enough spirits.
I kept repeating to him that I hated Nano. I couldn't help it, I told him. So he let me go on and on about it.
"Poor P, he used you as a cum bucket!"
"Heh, that's too funny!"
"I don't think its funny. It's sad. Fat Bastard! "
I didn't think it was funny funny. But tragic comedy funny that the OB chose to perceive me as this poor, vulnerable petite damsel being made used of by a chubby guy. But I knew what he meant (thanks, I did appreciate your protectiveness over me).
But then I also allowed it. Stupid P!
****
In other works, I have just finished reading
****
The past few days I received bad news of 2 people being in the advanced stages of lung cancer and liver cancer. Both news delivered by my two best friends. One being B's father.
The good news is she has decided to get married in 3 months' time. No big deal or any great excitement. News cooly delivered in her usual style. She has begged me not to trouble myself and come back just for her sake. In fact, she almost wishes she doesn't have to turn up at her own party. I'm wondering if she would mind if I suggest that we should have a hens' night? Just to celebrate the end of her bachelorettehood (not that she cares- nothing will really change, she kindda assured me). Just for old times' sake since I guess we would never conquer the world together again (I wish not for her sake too. Like I always said to her if one is a lucky girl, she only needs to be a bride once in her life. I never cared to get married but if I do, I pray it better just be once.)
Ironically, B always wanted to get married and have kids (though kids irritate the hell out of her but she gotta have them). I am the opposite (though I don't like children either but I sure would love my own as well if I decide to finally hatch my eggs!) but I always wanted a big wedding and always know how it's going to be like. She never wanted a wedding party of any kind. Right from the start even when we were seventeen (some things never change I guess). She just wants to bloody get on with her life, find the right man, stick to it(and not have to bloody re-invent the wheel as she puts it when I play the Devil's Advocate and asked perhaps she could wait a bit longer cos there might be bigger, better deals out there for her- she, being still young and beautiful looking).
I'm beginning to wonder if I am a hardcore romanticizer at heart. I still believe in having a fairy tale wedding- party of my life I tell ya if it ever happens and a blissful family life if I should make bold my life's step and walk down the aisle (thought actually gives me heart palpitations of the worst kind- I still view myself too much of a kid to labour over the idea of being someone else's wife! Shivers!). If not, I'll have none. Just like kids- if I couldn't afford to send them to private schools, they aren't coming out from my womb. Nano was highly amused about me and my "private school" bullcrap- he loved it he said and (what he liked about me he) quoted me again before we departed! I'm too afraid to lead that "imperfect" life. If I can't have it complete, I am better off existing alone!
Another good news this morning. A new leash of life! A colleague just had a baby girl. He now has a boy and a girl. How complete!
*****
I missed my last psychologist appointment. I was on my way to see him and then I forgot that I needed to do something for DL and cancelled it. Naturally, the psychologist wasn't too pleased.
I will be going to him this Friday. Let's see what he has got to say.
*****
I am in a fairly great mood today. Lots of jumbled thoughts and actually feeling very ego bruised with the Nano incident. Something to do with last night's online conversation but I wouldn't want to dwell on that since I have managed to contain it.
Bottom line is I am going to chuck him at the furtherest end of my mind. That idiot!
*****
Outstanding Pieces that I have been meaning to write since the start of 2007:
1) Manila Rendezvous Part III (!!!)
2) Being Ready (thoughts are coming together what with B's impending marriage and a no. of wedding news that I received to date plus my relationship wit DL)
3) Finding Ben (coming real soon!)
4) Windsor Boy (maybe- haven't done much justice in words to him)
5) Tears (major emotional breakthrough between DL and I)
Ok, will work through them as mini writing projects for the rest of 2007.
