Sunday, January 27, 2008
Past and Present
Sometimes the good old sentimental me like to dig up old emails to have a read through. Time has past and I just realised that the Old Boy and I have exchanged a good 400 emails or so in the past year.
*****
From: Old Boy
Sent: Monday, 4 June 2007 1:12:34 AM
To: DilettanteP
ok, sorry for being and saying hurtful things to you. perhaps not as
considerate about your feelings and emotions and i'm truly sorry. anyway,
you know that i do this so that you can evaluate yourself right, but this is
not an excuse to be insensitive towards you.
sometimes, i get frustrated too...i guess...again not an excuse ok?
frustrated in a sense that we haven't even met and we're only 'pen pals' and
yet so much is demanded from me...or perhaps from you too...and guess what,
we haven't even met. if either of us were to just not reply at all...and
shut down the email and the msn and the blogs...where would we be? how
would we be able to contact each other again? we can't right...at least
without betraying trust that has been bestowed to each other. and would it
be a good reason to betray that trust in confidential information just to
apologise or get back together again?
i have often wondered how i would get in touch with you again should i lose
contact with you. guess i could grovel to ex close fuck buddy and ask her to ask her sis
etc. i would probably explain everything to her and she'd understand.
hahaha...yeah, she'll understand me...and she'd help too...hahha
but once again, i am sorry for hurting you...in the past, the present and in
the future. becos i'm sure i would do it again...perhaps consciously but
perhaps sub consciously...please do not hesitate to let me know if i have
over stepped the lines and to the point where i am making you cry. geez...i
hate it when women cry...makes me damn vulnerable and would do anything (yes,
anything) to make them stop.
anyway, i'm sure you've forgiven me already...and a thousand times over and
over again. thanks for being so understanding...and perhaps it is the sign
i needed to fuel my 'satisfaction quotient' eh? that even though i have
hurt you, you're still there for me and with me. yes, our relationship has
stood the tests of many a tribulations eh? but we keep coming back for
more...perhaps words are enough to make a relationship last. words are
enough...aren't they?
best
Old Boy
*****
(An email excerpt)
From: Old Boy
Sent: Friday, 14 December 2007 1:47:01 AM
To: DilettanteP
dearest p,
…. …….
another thing i wrote this morning was how much i missed chatting with you. not that i am a glutton for punishment or i like the advice you dish out so freely but i just miss you as a friend. i miss chatting with you and our long letters that we used to write to each other. we should really publish the letters one of these days. they're good. thot about reading them again too...just for old times sake. we really used to communicate. guess everything is finite right? ran out of words to say to each other. so what's next?
……..
******
(One of the sms messages that came followed by the phone call)
19/1/08
"I said some things I wish I cud take back. Its becos i was hurt. Our tryst was not supposed 2 affect our online relationship. You're still my best friend. Miss u."
******
(An email excerpt)
From: DilettanteP
Sent: 23 January 2008
To: Old Boy
Dear Old Boy,
Go re-read your email to me below. Isn't it strange that that was some 6 or 7 weeks ago that you wrote me that prior to our meeting? Seems like eons ago. I have been thinking too that I am getting a tad nostalgic with our past communications. Its been a long while since we wrote each other, not because the words or things we got to say are finite but guess the lack of time and the sense of familiarity we have over the course of our friendship (graduating into msn and perhaps now post meeting and sex) have made us a little “lazy” in interacting in the old fashioned lyrical way of electronic correspondence. We stopped trying to make more effort. Believe you me I absolutely miss those days…
Last weekend, I took some time out to re-read our initial email correspondence during the March and April months. I must say that we were definitely more in sync as total strangers than anything else in being good at second-guessing each other. We were like long lost twins or the 2 missing jigsaws that fit together perfectly…;) Yes, one day I shall publish them like how in the olden days, love letters of some literary greats are published! heh!
….. …… …..
Which brings me to you- I could never be too mad at you btw no matter what… cos you are like a friend or brother to me… we quarrel and then we forget the next day…and that we’ll keep that affection for each other forever and the day… I was suffering so badly when we stopped talking last week and wished I could make it go away cos we never parted off sms/msn on bad terms (at least for too long ie 24hours) cos we’ll always come back and we did. I know I should never have promised you anything although when I did, I really meant it. I just wanted to let the whole thing off even tho you said those hurtful things to me and kept scores so I had to meditate until my Ego was being dispelled!
Funny thing was I was so trying to forget u. and its like fate wanted to play tricks on me. One of our PA was telling me abt the place she is going camping near the coast this long wkend and was all excited abt it. I asked her what this place was called. And guess what? She showed me the pamphlet and it said “(Old Boy’s real name)!” Then the other day last wk, my sis was driving and for the 1st time since we’ve travelled on the rd countless times, we passed a side street that said “(Old Boy’s real name) St”! I didn’t know that your name could be sooooooo commonplace… and near my hse where we enter from the next suburbs, the shopping area there is called “The (Old Boy’s Nickname)” which I pass without fail if I travel in the older sibling’s car to go home! Strange eh???
………..
*****
It’s true. Some things never change. We never get mad at each other for too long.
Not for fuck’s sake but old time friendship’s sake.
We have always been there for each other.
Sometimes the good old sentimental me like to dig up old emails to have a read through. Time has past and I just realised that the Old Boy and I have exchanged a good 400 emails or so in the past year.
*****
From: Old Boy
Sent: Monday, 4 June 2007 1:12:34 AM
To: DilettanteP
ok, sorry for being and saying hurtful things to you. perhaps not as
considerate about your feelings and emotions and i'm truly sorry. anyway,
you know that i do this so that you can evaluate yourself right, but this is
not an excuse to be insensitive towards you.
sometimes, i get frustrated too...i guess...again not an excuse ok?
frustrated in a sense that we haven't even met and we're only 'pen pals' and
yet so much is demanded from me...or perhaps from you too...and guess what,
we haven't even met. if either of us were to just not reply at all...and
shut down the email and the msn and the blogs...where would we be? how
would we be able to contact each other again? we can't right...at least
without betraying trust that has been bestowed to each other. and would it
be a good reason to betray that trust in confidential information just to
apologise or get back together again?
i have often wondered how i would get in touch with you again should i lose
contact with you. guess i could grovel to ex close fuck buddy and ask her to ask her sis
etc. i would probably explain everything to her and she'd understand.
hahaha...yeah, she'll understand me...and she'd help too...hahha
but once again, i am sorry for hurting you...in the past, the present and in
the future. becos i'm sure i would do it again...perhaps consciously but
perhaps sub consciously...please do not hesitate to let me know if i have
over stepped the lines and to the point where i am making you cry. geez...i
hate it when women cry...makes me damn vulnerable and would do anything (yes,
anything) to make them stop.
anyway, i'm sure you've forgiven me already...and a thousand times over and
over again. thanks for being so understanding...and perhaps it is the sign
i needed to fuel my 'satisfaction quotient' eh? that even though i have
hurt you, you're still there for me and with me. yes, our relationship has
stood the tests of many a tribulations eh? but we keep coming back for
more...perhaps words are enough to make a relationship last. words are
enough...aren't they?
best
Old Boy
*****
(An email excerpt)
From: Old Boy
Sent: Friday, 14 December 2007 1:47:01 AM
To: DilettanteP
dearest p,
…. …….
another thing i wrote this morning was how much i missed chatting with you. not that i am a glutton for punishment or i like the advice you dish out so freely but i just miss you as a friend. i miss chatting with you and our long letters that we used to write to each other. we should really publish the letters one of these days. they're good. thot about reading them again too...just for old times sake. we really used to communicate. guess everything is finite right? ran out of words to say to each other. so what's next?
……..
******
(One of the sms messages that came followed by the phone call)
19/1/08
"I said some things I wish I cud take back. Its becos i was hurt. Our tryst was not supposed 2 affect our online relationship. You're still my best friend. Miss u."
******
(An email excerpt)
From: DilettanteP
Sent: 23 January 2008
To: Old Boy
Dear Old Boy,
Go re-read your email to me below. Isn't it strange that that was some 6 or 7 weeks ago that you wrote me that prior to our meeting? Seems like eons ago. I have been thinking too that I am getting a tad nostalgic with our past communications. Its been a long while since we wrote each other, not because the words or things we got to say are finite but guess the lack of time and the sense of familiarity we have over the course of our friendship (graduating into msn and perhaps now post meeting and sex) have made us a little “lazy” in interacting in the old fashioned lyrical way of electronic correspondence. We stopped trying to make more effort. Believe you me I absolutely miss those days…
Last weekend, I took some time out to re-read our initial email correspondence during the March and April months. I must say that we were definitely more in sync as total strangers than anything else in being good at second-guessing each other. We were like long lost twins or the 2 missing jigsaws that fit together perfectly…;) Yes, one day I shall publish them like how in the olden days, love letters of some literary greats are published! heh!
….. …… …..
Which brings me to you- I could never be too mad at you btw no matter what… cos you are like a friend or brother to me… we quarrel and then we forget the next day…and that we’ll keep that affection for each other forever and the day… I was suffering so badly when we stopped talking last week and wished I could make it go away cos we never parted off sms/msn on bad terms (at least for too long ie 24hours) cos we’ll always come back and we did. I know I should never have promised you anything although when I did, I really meant it. I just wanted to let the whole thing off even tho you said those hurtful things to me and kept scores so I had to meditate until my Ego was being dispelled!
Funny thing was I was so trying to forget u. and its like fate wanted to play tricks on me. One of our PA was telling me abt the place she is going camping near the coast this long wkend and was all excited abt it. I asked her what this place was called. And guess what? She showed me the pamphlet and it said “(Old Boy’s real name)!” Then the other day last wk, my sis was driving and for the 1st time since we’ve travelled on the rd countless times, we passed a side street that said “(Old Boy’s real name) St”! I didn’t know that your name could be sooooooo commonplace… and near my hse where we enter from the next suburbs, the shopping area there is called “The (Old Boy’s Nickname)” which I pass without fail if I travel in the older sibling’s car to go home! Strange eh???
………..
*****
It’s true. Some things never change. We never get mad at each other for too long.
Not for fuck’s sake but old time friendship’s sake.
We have always been there for each other.
