Restructure- on your own terms

Quickie

Yes! 2007 has passed with less than a resounding success and here comes 2008! As I partied on from last year into the new year, I realised that I haven't stopped drinking for a day. Oh well, yes I actually did take a break yesterday! On New Year's Eve, I spent my night with my best friend, V and our new ang moh beaus (V got a German and I got Norwegian, a cute M lookalike whom us girls met in Bintan)! I looked at V and said to her in Mandarin, "Damnit, we are a year older!" She nodded and said, "Yeah, we are both turning 29!" Then we laughed. Older and getting any wiser? I doubt it.

I've been missing in action for awhile, what with the lack of internet connection now that I am back at home in humid Singapore for a good three weeks, my previous emotional turmoil with DL (currently being suppressed and distracted from all my quick fix merry-making)and the endless nights of partying till the sun comes up... you see, I hate to waste time and any waking hours are spent with friends and family. When I fell sick a week and a half ago during Christmas Eve of all days, I wasted no time in drugging myself with Panadols and Chivas Regal and coke until I was up and dancing on my feet again...

Lots have happened since I returned- endless stream of social outings that spanned from the night till the wee hours of the morning, I have since lost count. I have cancelled my trip to Manila (where I was supposed to fly out tomorrow) at the insistence of my best friends and the Old Boy. You see, I couldn't quite justify spending a good $650 seeing Nano for just the one day in my eight day trip at HIS convenience. His lacklustre attitude is something that I could do without...

My new found singlehood status is something that I am finally getting used to. Guess the one positive thing that emerged from this experience is that I have since began to be in touch with friends of long ago-you know old friends whom you might know since you are 6 or 12 and people whom you could yak with till the sun comes up and pick up from where you have left many moons ago when life was a lot less complicated and you remember yourself as somewhat of an innocent girl... then there are also new acquaintainces that were made and the little romances on the side... B has since got married and I remembered still trying to pull a swift one as I walked up the stage unprepared to make my bridesmaid speech but the words flowed as I held the microphone with a half-shaking hand and let my heartfelt words flow and I saw those tears breaming in her eyes. For once, I felt my own tears of joy where before, I only understood tears of sadness...

On her hens' night, we inquired around for a ktv bar where I could open us a bottle and get men to "service" us. The idea of hired men pouring us our XO, whispering sweet nothings to us and smothering us with kisses or even allowing us to do whatever we please to them were fast spinning our wheels. For old times' flirting sake and to kiss bachelorette goodbye in "style" , we thought. But we couldn't find a male host bar unfortunately. We left home somewhat disappointed but I gave B my blessings and bestowed her with a gift pack I have earlier assembled in Australia to kickstart her life of marital bliss- a bottle of verve cliquot Pink Champagne, a naughty nurse outfit, a pair of my spare (unused) handcuffs (given by my beloved DL) and a nice fat dildo with the special function of perfoming some clit magic!;)

With one retired partner-in-crime, V the other best friend has ever so timely joined me to conquer the world. You see, she too has just broke up with the boyfriend and is finally enjoying the joys of bachelorettehood. We have all been dating some since we came back and it's been great. I have gathered a new experience or two. Yes, I tried having a quickie in the car with the Old Boy and then there were introductions to fuck hotels of the Hotel 81 variety.

*****

"You're the oldest man I've fucked."

The Old Boy is a sweetie. He reminded me to take him and our experience as the whole package- not just for the carnal pleasure but for everything that he would do for me at my whim and fancy.

He has been at my command, kindly doing my bidding. Each outing, his stipulated time to return home to the domestics was stretched into the wee hours of the morning until he could no longer delay going home. He bought me a bottle at the whiskey bar that we have been frequenting with friends so that I would have something to drink should he not be there. You must know that the Old Boy does not drink.

The other day, he bought a hamper of sashimi and more food and we checked into a fuck hotel. He massaged my tired back and smothered it with kisses as I laid there like a lazy fuck waiting to be serviced like a queen. Then he fed me with sashimi and pampered me (like how I thought only DL was capable of being)...

We laid next to each other as we finished our love making. The Old Boy thanked me and kissed me affectionately.

"This is always how I dreamt of us to be. Thank you.

I am going to miss you when you are gone."

"Don't worry. You'll have others.

Do not think about the future because it hasn't come, or the past as it is gone. Focus on the moment."

He nodded his head.

"It's a Buddhist teaching," I teased cheekily.

The Old Boy is a regular Sunday church goer.

****

We continued our foreplay and I propositioned another round. I was getting all hot and bothered.

He begged lightly to stop. He emphasised that I made him cum twice within 20 mins. He was all exhausted. It didn't help that I made him eat up the foot-long subway meatball sandwich he bought for us to share. He was exploding.

I pouted and got him to hold me in his arms instead.

"You are such an old man!"

At some stage, I got up to the bathroom. In my black lacy spaghetti top and black knickers and my white tiger print heels with gold chain, I sauntered before him and eyed him suggestively, "Do I look like a prostitute?"
*****

We laid down in bed for a bit. I rested on his chest.

"What do you like about me, Old Boy?"

"You are so bubbly."

At some stage, he mentioned that a girl like me would break his heart, his old heart.

I kept quiet. My heart has been broken too many times and I never thought myself capable of breaking anyone else's. I just asked that no one comes to tamper with mine.

****

We finally got up to get ready to leave. He spoke.

"Hey, we have spoken about this before remember? Don't ever fall for me, ok?"

"Don't worry. I won't." I smiled.

My heart has been battered too many times over the course of time.

It's 2008 and I hope it's not too late to learn that it's more emotionally merciful to live for the now-and-here moment.