Monday, February 18, 2008
Telepathy
My sixth sense is back.
Since December.
It is back.
With a vengeance.
The bully taunted me.
Announced that I was pregnant.
My face flushed
With anger and shame.
Watch me, I swore quietly.
In December
We were in a cab
The bully piqued me again.
I cursed her.
Pregnant.
Just watch me, I said.
Indeed she has.
I felt in my guts.
As I do.
Like how I knew
The nasty things I went through.
******
Did I tell you that as a child I had a certain pensiveness about me?
I was pretty as a Japanese doll with a melancholic soul.
Obsessed with death since I was five- it was the year I nearly attempted suicide because I was angry.
You will never guess if you were to see the now live wire P to know she is that same quiet girl.
But I’m still that same girl.
I still love being alone-that quiet time for my soul to meditate.
At five, I would look out of the window in my classroom every Friday afternoon and I knew that one day when I grow up, I would live in a faraway land. My mind kept reiterating, “when I become sixteen…”
At twenty-eight going twenty-nine, my childhood revelations of the worst kind have come true and unfolded before my very life.
Things I tried avoiding with a vengeance lest my “imagined” life became one hell of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I had to be smart for me.
I went through some tough shit between age 21 to 25. Those images that have plagued my youth as I often lie in bed till the wee hours of the morning, the reason why I always have difficulty rising from my bed- because my mind is yet again thinking…
One more story that became more and more prominent in my head as I got older. I tried to dispel it. It is the pathetic story of my adult life- I am to fall for a married and polygamous man. He never loves me the way I do for him. I would love him beyond loving myself, he will always take me for granted and I will allow him time and again to do it to me.
I didn’t see how it could happen since I had DL. DL loved me to bits and I thought we would eventually get married. I still do.
Besides, I reasoned that I am too smart to let this happen to me.
But my story has happened.
****
Recently, I conducted small self-tests to confirm my karmaic finesse since I felt it coming back.
I lost my ability in those dark years with DL because my soul was distracted.
The clairvoyants I have been to all said, “P, you got to trust your instincts…”
Every so often now,I would think of a person, stranger or friend and sure enough, I’ll see or get contacted by that same person. Or I would think of a question about someone and the answer will somehow find its way and unfold before me.
Funny eh?
****
That year must be 2004. I was at Zouk members’ bar. A stranger came up to me to chat me up.
I looked straight at him.
“17th November.”
“What?”
“Your birthday.”
“Yeah. How do you know?”
“I just do.”
I made him show me his identification card to verify my wild punt. Voila- struck the jackpot.
He was the second person in that year that I made a correct guess.
****
A couple of times in the past few months when I was checking up on Nano’s friends in his Facebook account, I noticed one particular girl. She is Chinese and looks very plain amongst his other female babes who are hot and glamorous. My instincts marked her.
Nano had earlier mentioned when I got back to Sydney that he didn’t know what I have done to him but he likes Chinese girls now. I must leave a legacy behind. Whatever, I told him.
His latest hook up is Chinese, he said.
What was her name I asked.
“Ruby.”
“Ruby Shoes”
“You know her?”
“No, but I saw her on your Facebook and guess as much.”
“How come?”
“I don’t know. I just felt it when I saw her face.”
****
When the Old Boy and I first met each other’s acquaintance, there was something truly magical about our friendship. We read each other’s mind spot on.
The day we chatted online via his phone, we had a mini tiff. He was coming out of one of his sordid haunts on a rainy afternoon and going to a funeral. He spent that entire afternoon chatting to me on his phone in one corner as his male friends gallivanted away.
I don’t even remember what we argued about, except that I knew, I saw and I felt in my gut that he was sulking.
“Now, stop sulking, will you!” I told him.
“How do you know?”
“I just do. I can see you now.”
He was amazed and appeased.
As we got to know each other better, we began to make descriptions of our personal facial features. We had a code of honour to never seek out each other’s picture.
I was slowly seeing his face…
One day, when I was in a foul mood, the Old Boy sent me a picture of his baby boy to cheer me up. I stared at the picture and again that gut feeling overcame me once again.
I told him that Little Baby looks like him-nose down. Those eyes belong to his mother.
Spot on.
Finally when we arranged to meet at St James, I must’ve caught sight of his face in the crowd. I turned around again and I thought I lost him.
He did came up to me eventually because I have told him what I would wear- you can never miss P in the crowd with her fair skin and her pearls. The Old Boy said he knew it was me-it was my nose ever distinctively sharp.
****
Today after we have spoken online when I got home, I had a niggling feeling (that unshakeable feeling) that I am to find something very interesting in that electronic shady alleyway of his life.
It was a very affirmative gut feeling that I am to find what I think I would find there.
I clicked on the site and for some reason, the site took a while to load. My chest tightened because I felt that presence of the material that I was expecting. True enough, it was there…
****
I recall those magical days of mind-reading each other. We wrote some lyrical letters- perhaps I did bring that spring of hope to the Old Boy that maybe soul mates do exist…
During one of those intense moments of our interactions still as semi strangers, I recall entering the ladies at work and a thought struck me.
Would the Old Boy ever take courage to leave his lifeless marriage if he were to find true love and give his life a second chance and meaning again?
That same day later, I received an email from him wondering out loud the same question.
To which, I gave him my detailed take on his actions and his train of thought.
Again, spot on.
We did have a fair bit of chemistry going there.
Or was it telepathy?
My sixth sense is back.
Since December.
It is back.
With a vengeance.
The bully taunted me.
Announced that I was pregnant.
My face flushed
With anger and shame.
Watch me, I swore quietly.
In December
We were in a cab
The bully piqued me again.
I cursed her.
Pregnant.
Just watch me, I said.
Indeed she has.
I felt in my guts.
As I do.
Like how I knew
The nasty things I went through.
******
Did I tell you that as a child I had a certain pensiveness about me?
I was pretty as a Japanese doll with a melancholic soul.
Obsessed with death since I was five- it was the year I nearly attempted suicide because I was angry.
You will never guess if you were to see the now live wire P to know she is that same quiet girl.
But I’m still that same girl.
I still love being alone-that quiet time for my soul to meditate.
At five, I would look out of the window in my classroom every Friday afternoon and I knew that one day when I grow up, I would live in a faraway land. My mind kept reiterating, “when I become sixteen…”
At twenty-eight going twenty-nine, my childhood revelations of the worst kind have come true and unfolded before my very life.
Things I tried avoiding with a vengeance lest my “imagined” life became one hell of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I had to be smart for me.
I went through some tough shit between age 21 to 25. Those images that have plagued my youth as I often lie in bed till the wee hours of the morning, the reason why I always have difficulty rising from my bed- because my mind is yet again thinking…
One more story that became more and more prominent in my head as I got older. I tried to dispel it. It is the pathetic story of my adult life- I am to fall for a married and polygamous man. He never loves me the way I do for him. I would love him beyond loving myself, he will always take me for granted and I will allow him time and again to do it to me.
I didn’t see how it could happen since I had DL. DL loved me to bits and I thought we would eventually get married. I still do.
Besides, I reasoned that I am too smart to let this happen to me.
But my story has happened.
****
Recently, I conducted small self-tests to confirm my karmaic finesse since I felt it coming back.
I lost my ability in those dark years with DL because my soul was distracted.
The clairvoyants I have been to all said, “P, you got to trust your instincts…”
Every so often now,I would think of a person, stranger or friend and sure enough, I’ll see or get contacted by that same person. Or I would think of a question about someone and the answer will somehow find its way and unfold before me.
Funny eh?
****
That year must be 2004. I was at Zouk members’ bar. A stranger came up to me to chat me up.
I looked straight at him.
“17th November.”
“What?”
“Your birthday.”
“Yeah. How do you know?”
“I just do.”
I made him show me his identification card to verify my wild punt. Voila- struck the jackpot.
He was the second person in that year that I made a correct guess.
****
A couple of times in the past few months when I was checking up on Nano’s friends in his Facebook account, I noticed one particular girl. She is Chinese and looks very plain amongst his other female babes who are hot and glamorous. My instincts marked her.
Nano had earlier mentioned when I got back to Sydney that he didn’t know what I have done to him but he likes Chinese girls now. I must leave a legacy behind. Whatever, I told him.
His latest hook up is Chinese, he said.
What was her name I asked.
“Ruby.”
“Ruby Shoes”
“You know her?”
“No, but I saw her on your Facebook and guess as much.”
“How come?”
“I don’t know. I just felt it when I saw her face.”
****
When the Old Boy and I first met each other’s acquaintance, there was something truly magical about our friendship. We read each other’s mind spot on.
The day we chatted online via his phone, we had a mini tiff. He was coming out of one of his sordid haunts on a rainy afternoon and going to a funeral. He spent that entire afternoon chatting to me on his phone in one corner as his male friends gallivanted away.
I don’t even remember what we argued about, except that I knew, I saw and I felt in my gut that he was sulking.
“Now, stop sulking, will you!” I told him.
“How do you know?”
“I just do. I can see you now.”
He was amazed and appeased.
As we got to know each other better, we began to make descriptions of our personal facial features. We had a code of honour to never seek out each other’s picture.
I was slowly seeing his face…
One day, when I was in a foul mood, the Old Boy sent me a picture of his baby boy to cheer me up. I stared at the picture and again that gut feeling overcame me once again.
I told him that Little Baby looks like him-nose down. Those eyes belong to his mother.
Spot on.
Finally when we arranged to meet at St James, I must’ve caught sight of his face in the crowd. I turned around again and I thought I lost him.
He did came up to me eventually because I have told him what I would wear- you can never miss P in the crowd with her fair skin and her pearls. The Old Boy said he knew it was me-it was my nose ever distinctively sharp.
****
Today after we have spoken online when I got home, I had a niggling feeling (that unshakeable feeling) that I am to find something very interesting in that electronic shady alleyway of his life.
It was a very affirmative gut feeling that I am to find what I think I would find there.
I clicked on the site and for some reason, the site took a while to load. My chest tightened because I felt that presence of the material that I was expecting. True enough, it was there…
****
I recall those magical days of mind-reading each other. We wrote some lyrical letters- perhaps I did bring that spring of hope to the Old Boy that maybe soul mates do exist…
During one of those intense moments of our interactions still as semi strangers, I recall entering the ladies at work and a thought struck me.
Would the Old Boy ever take courage to leave his lifeless marriage if he were to find true love and give his life a second chance and meaning again?
That same day later, I received an email from him wondering out loud the same question.
To which, I gave him my detailed take on his actions and his train of thought.
Again, spot on.
We did have a fair bit of chemistry going there.
Or was it telepathy?
