Wednesday, April 09, 2008
About a Boy
There was this guy that I had an intimate affair with. There was something nice about that arrangement. We really had this laisseiz faire attitude towards our joint arrangement. I hung out at his place, like how you would in high school with a schoolmate of the opposite sex- the usual official context (to seek permission from parents) being to do project or discuss assignments together but really, the objective was just to hang out and play. Play in those good old days often meant watching a video, playing computer games, listening to music or just lying in bed side by side and staring at the ceiling while the both of you chatted away. Everything then would be so platonic or innocent- the mere notion of hanging out at someone’s place was exactly what it meant and where the word “sex” has not made bold its debut on the vocabulary of your hormonal development.
Of course, this guy and I would have engaged in intimacy since we were now way past our age of innocence. But there was something about the mere essence of our relationship. In hindsight, I do not for a shadow of doubt think that we were ever physically attracted to each other instantly when we first met. It had arisen out of the mere flirty playfulness and light-heartedness of our outer personas. Our eventual affections for the other had gradually transpired from the camaraderie of our friendship. After all, we were both of the free spirit dispositions in our attitude towards romance, well or at least for each other. Yes, following that, we did develop a healthy dose of attraction and liking for each other. Nothing too intense or emotionally draining, like anything I have since experienced to date. It was quite a liberating experience.
Whenever we met, the notion of lust was of the least priority on my mind. I like the light-heartedness and playfulness of our relationship. We held hands, kissed and laughed a lot. His kisses are always affectionate and passionate like how I must have found myself to be with a boy in the days of my teens. Somehow, his aura emanated a sense of familiarity of what I think I had once experienced many moons ago at a time where I must be between the age of 15 and 19 which I couldn’t quite place except that I know it embodies the notion of youth and boldness…
When we ran out of places to go, he would suggest either taking me home or hanging out at his place to watch a DVD or whatever. For some strange reason, I have developed a nocturnal habit. If I weren’t tipsy sleepy enough to knock myself to sleep in the late of the night, I would rather hang out till I exhausted myself so that I could avoid the cruel company of my insomniac thoughts that often have an adept way at raising my anxiety levels to perform that unbearable and painful constriction on my heart. So I appreciated his company and accepted the offer of chilling out at his place like how my friends would often do at my house when I am back home in Singapore.
At his place, we surfed the Internet on his laptop whilst we perched on his bed. We would recite funny or interesting paragraphs of web articles or quotes, which we have found to each other. We listened to music and lay in bed together and chatted. I would fall asleep at some stage and later found myself awake with the boy still beside me typing away on his laptop in the wee hours of the morning. I would then re-joined him at the laptop as we continued our banter.
Being somewhat physically at ease in his company given that we are about the same age and since I viewed him as very much a big child as I am, I often find myself not very mindful of the way I rested. My languid and relaxed body often found comfort from lying on the stomach where my legs were drawn slightly apart, unwittingly pulling a Lolita-esque pose. My short dress by now had ridden up my thighs, with my pert butt naked cheeks wearing a girly lacy thong half peeking out at him suggestively. The Boy would indicate somewhat sheepishly that my resting style wasn’t doing very much to assist him from abstinence as I continued lying there as a lazy tease, eyeing him with the come hither look and mocking him for his weakening will until he caved in and dived onto the bed to indulge us in merry-making…
I remembered my favourite Cuban bolero “Besame Mucho” playing away repeatedly on his laptop. When we finished our love-making, I would continue lying on the bed, spacing out into the ceiling and singing “Besame Mucho” away. The Boy would sit up and lit his Dunhills, taking long drags at it and falling into a pensive mood. I involuntarily took in the smell of his cigarette and noted the upwards spiral of the smoke.
“Don’t grow too fond of me,” he once said.
“Don’t worry. I won’t."
I have heard this all too familiar line one too a many time. So there.
****
We once touched on the topic of how callous we have become towards handling relationships with the coming of age.
****
When the sky brightened to indicate the arrival of a new day, I found that I could no longer sleep. By now, the Boy has fell into a deep, blissful slumber as our conversation trailed off.
I kissed him lightly on his lips and quietly unlocked the front door behind me and took leave.
****
We never quite fixed dates to meet up and if we do, we never quite keep to our appointed times. It was all rather ad hoc.
Neither of us gets too upset with the arrangement either.There was something unassuming about his views of the world. He was easy going, which made the process of picking things up from where we left every so often rather straightforward. He was never bogged down with my inconsistencies and that certain callous, demanding behaviour that I was ever so capable of inflicting on a guy. He was quick to take me back as I was quick to dispel my sudden dramatic outbursts. We were both quick to forget and held a mutual understanding to not cram each other's lifestyles.
Our expectation of each other is really having no expectations. Our arrangement caused no real grief to each other. That’s the beauty of it.
Que sera sera- he must have mentioned that to me at least twice in regards to us.
Some words of wisdom there. Then again, he has always been quite the brain between us.
There was this guy that I had an intimate affair with. There was something nice about that arrangement. We really had this laisseiz faire attitude towards our joint arrangement. I hung out at his place, like how you would in high school with a schoolmate of the opposite sex- the usual official context (to seek permission from parents) being to do project or discuss assignments together but really, the objective was just to hang out and play. Play in those good old days often meant watching a video, playing computer games, listening to music or just lying in bed side by side and staring at the ceiling while the both of you chatted away. Everything then would be so platonic or innocent- the mere notion of hanging out at someone’s place was exactly what it meant and where the word “sex” has not made bold its debut on the vocabulary of your hormonal development.
Of course, this guy and I would have engaged in intimacy since we were now way past our age of innocence. But there was something about the mere essence of our relationship. In hindsight, I do not for a shadow of doubt think that we were ever physically attracted to each other instantly when we first met. It had arisen out of the mere flirty playfulness and light-heartedness of our outer personas. Our eventual affections for the other had gradually transpired from the camaraderie of our friendship. After all, we were both of the free spirit dispositions in our attitude towards romance, well or at least for each other. Yes, following that, we did develop a healthy dose of attraction and liking for each other. Nothing too intense or emotionally draining, like anything I have since experienced to date. It was quite a liberating experience.
Whenever we met, the notion of lust was of the least priority on my mind. I like the light-heartedness and playfulness of our relationship. We held hands, kissed and laughed a lot. His kisses are always affectionate and passionate like how I must have found myself to be with a boy in the days of my teens. Somehow, his aura emanated a sense of familiarity of what I think I had once experienced many moons ago at a time where I must be between the age of 15 and 19 which I couldn’t quite place except that I know it embodies the notion of youth and boldness…
When we ran out of places to go, he would suggest either taking me home or hanging out at his place to watch a DVD or whatever. For some strange reason, I have developed a nocturnal habit. If I weren’t tipsy sleepy enough to knock myself to sleep in the late of the night, I would rather hang out till I exhausted myself so that I could avoid the cruel company of my insomniac thoughts that often have an adept way at raising my anxiety levels to perform that unbearable and painful constriction on my heart. So I appreciated his company and accepted the offer of chilling out at his place like how my friends would often do at my house when I am back home in Singapore.
At his place, we surfed the Internet on his laptop whilst we perched on his bed. We would recite funny or interesting paragraphs of web articles or quotes, which we have found to each other. We listened to music and lay in bed together and chatted. I would fall asleep at some stage and later found myself awake with the boy still beside me typing away on his laptop in the wee hours of the morning. I would then re-joined him at the laptop as we continued our banter.
Being somewhat physically at ease in his company given that we are about the same age and since I viewed him as very much a big child as I am, I often find myself not very mindful of the way I rested. My languid and relaxed body often found comfort from lying on the stomach where my legs were drawn slightly apart, unwittingly pulling a Lolita-esque pose. My short dress by now had ridden up my thighs, with my pert butt naked cheeks wearing a girly lacy thong half peeking out at him suggestively. The Boy would indicate somewhat sheepishly that my resting style wasn’t doing very much to assist him from abstinence as I continued lying there as a lazy tease, eyeing him with the come hither look and mocking him for his weakening will until he caved in and dived onto the bed to indulge us in merry-making…
I remembered my favourite Cuban bolero “Besame Mucho” playing away repeatedly on his laptop. When we finished our love-making, I would continue lying on the bed, spacing out into the ceiling and singing “Besame Mucho” away. The Boy would sit up and lit his Dunhills, taking long drags at it and falling into a pensive mood. I involuntarily took in the smell of his cigarette and noted the upwards spiral of the smoke.
“Don’t grow too fond of me,” he once said.
“Don’t worry. I won’t."
I have heard this all too familiar line one too a many time. So there.
****
We once touched on the topic of how callous we have become towards handling relationships with the coming of age.
****
When the sky brightened to indicate the arrival of a new day, I found that I could no longer sleep. By now, the Boy has fell into a deep, blissful slumber as our conversation trailed off.
I kissed him lightly on his lips and quietly unlocked the front door behind me and took leave.
****
We never quite fixed dates to meet up and if we do, we never quite keep to our appointed times. It was all rather ad hoc.
Neither of us gets too upset with the arrangement either.There was something unassuming about his views of the world. He was easy going, which made the process of picking things up from where we left every so often rather straightforward. He was never bogged down with my inconsistencies and that certain callous, demanding behaviour that I was ever so capable of inflicting on a guy. He was quick to take me back as I was quick to dispel my sudden dramatic outbursts. We were both quick to forget and held a mutual understanding to not cram each other's lifestyles.
Our expectation of each other is really having no expectations. Our arrangement caused no real grief to each other. That’s the beauty of it.
Que sera sera- he must have mentioned that to me at least twice in regards to us.
Some words of wisdom there. Then again, he has always been quite the brain between us.
Labels: THE P-oignant Moments
