Thursday, May 29, 2008
C'est La Vie
Just before, the Old Boy cut me off online. I mean, for good.
I have incurred his wrath.
He vowed he would never speak to me again.
How our cyber argument escalated to arrive at this is almost comical.
Guess what? It was over a washing machine.
Perhaps, one would expect that our final parting shot would take off on a grander note.
Then again, we first met online so parting online we shall end.
Things must come full circle.
*****
This morning, the Old Boy mentioned that the household washing machine has broken down on him finally after eleven years. He would need a replacement.
Then we moved on to chat idly about other stuff.
Abruptly, he said he had to go. He needed to go buy a washing machine.
Why? I asked. I was aware of the time. It was only 10.30am on his end.
My mind was moving, thinking and churning at its usual lightning speed.
why so abrupt...10.30am...Not lunch time yet... he just got a new job... where is his boss... would he be getting into trouble for leaving...why the sudden hurry...
As usual, I skipped a few steps of rationalising my question to him.
Instead, I merely reiterated why and mentioned the time. Then I added that his maid could hand wash for the time being ( or not wash for a day) and added yeah (perhaps as assurance that it was ok without a day of washing) that even my mum handwashes most of the clothes except spin drying.
Then he got really mad and asked me why do I always asked him so many questions and why must his maid hand wash the clothes when she had to look after his two (precious) children and told me I am not his boss ok and he will go and buy his washing machine as and when he pleased.
The Old Boy told me at that point that he was really mad.
I said to him I was just concerned that he wouldn't get into trouble.
Stop it, stop it, stop it, he must be screaming on the other end.
Then he logged off on me.
*****
About 45 mins ago, he got back and logged on.
I'm back, he said.
Oh, you are back, I said.
He told me a little bit about his new washing machine and that was all good.
You are not angry anymore, I asked.
Guess not, he said.
Oh good.
I was boiling mad before with hot goose bumps rising that hurt me, he said.
Huh.
I get that when I am very angry, he said.
But why this angry? I was just concerned about your well-being and getting into trouble with the boss, I said.
Sometimes, you are so insensitive, he said.
I was just concerned about you, I said.
You should be more concerned about the washing machine, he said.
That's a dead object. I was worried about you to your boss. Or maybe your colleagues might tell on you for leaving work to do personal stuff, I said.
I am no. 2 in the office ok and I can say I am going out to do work stuff, he said.
Ok, I said.
Now apologise, he said.
I don't want to, I said.
And you said, you are not angry anymore, I added.
If you don't, I would NEVER speak to you again, he threatened.
I will count to 3, he said.
I am not your child. Hehehheheheeh, I said and attempted to lighten up the mood.
1
2
3
(Silence on my end. I always used to save the day in my favour and perhaps his. But I thought maybe if he did bite the bullet, it would be a merciful relief since my attempts at abstinence from the Old Boy has failed a number of times. Let someone do it to me instead so there would be no excuses. I wasn't about to chase after him to do the begging.)
Ok, goodbye, he said. Then he logged off.
I am sure he will deliver his promise and not speak again.
Well, c'est lah vie.
*****
The first time the Old Boy logged off on me, I recalled a distant memory of my dynamics with DL in the first couple of years we dated.
I gained an insight about my dynamics in my relationships.
DL and I used to quarrel like the above. Things I thought were trival like today and often, we had to trash it out and break it into parts as to why a conversation could go awry.
There were lots of frustration on both our ends. Mine was more hurt than anything else as I felt like a victim for overcaring someone but my intentions have been mis-intepreted.
Then DL would break it down for me and quizzed me hard until he arrived at a conclusion.
“Why the fuck do you always have to miss out on the steps?”
“I don't know. Because my mind has arrived at the conclusion before my words could take you through my intentions.”
So there laid the root of the miscommunication. Me, always ahead of myself and everyone else.
DL told me I got to take him through because he wasn't my brain and couldn't see the conclusion without seeing the thought process to lead me to my intentions.
So over the years, I tried to slow down but me being me, impatient, often heading for the destination and not the journey would still be a few steps faster to act or to speak my mind about my conclusions.
DL got used to me. I guess being in a long term relationship, we grew in sync. He had grown to trust what might sometimes to be my foresight of a situation. I have been big picture and he was process driven and in that sense, it complemented how we conducted our joint lives in decision-making. I
Perhaps, if I could so aptly sum up the dynamics between DL and myself, I was that smart alec with the assert approach which he hated to love but ironically, he grew reliant upon. For the most part, he ceased to question since his baby probably knew where she was heading for them and it would be a chore for her to have to be bogged down with going through those details of why. So therein lies his faith in me to decide for us and to believe I have every good intention in my often seemingly callous questions or comments.
Over the years,ironically I noted that DL was more concerned if I was not that callous and questioning P, that quality he initially abhorred which resulted in a lot of our eruptions but he had grown very fond of, simply because he knew it was my way to show that I cared.
*****
So today, it dawned on me that I have yet again taken a detail for granted.
Yeah, the Old Boy always said that I am demanding and asked too many questions. I think DL felt the same way too but then he stood the test I knew it was the way I cared.
They are both right- the Old Boy simply reminded me that I am hard to live with and bear as a person, especially as someone else's girlfriend. I almost forgot about that because DL got over that over the years and I am simply just familiar with the Old Boy as a friend and then a lover. So he already had insight to my character.
I am now single.
The notion of having to fine tune a person to be in sync of me will be arduous.
If the Old Boy who knows me so well cannot handle it leading to the break-down of this friendship, it will be tough with a new guy going forward.
It goes to show only true love, followed by faith could stand the test of one's idiosyncracies and lead to a certain mutual understanding.
Just before, the Old Boy cut me off online. I mean, for good.
I have incurred his wrath.
He vowed he would never speak to me again.
How our cyber argument escalated to arrive at this is almost comical.
Guess what? It was over a washing machine.
Perhaps, one would expect that our final parting shot would take off on a grander note.
Then again, we first met online so parting online we shall end.
Things must come full circle.
*****
This morning, the Old Boy mentioned that the household washing machine has broken down on him finally after eleven years. He would need a replacement.
Then we moved on to chat idly about other stuff.
Abruptly, he said he had to go. He needed to go buy a washing machine.
Why? I asked. I was aware of the time. It was only 10.30am on his end.
My mind was moving, thinking and churning at its usual lightning speed.
why so abrupt...10.30am...Not lunch time yet... he just got a new job... where is his boss... would he be getting into trouble for leaving...why the sudden hurry...
As usual, I skipped a few steps of rationalising my question to him.
Instead, I merely reiterated why and mentioned the time. Then I added that his maid could hand wash for the time being ( or not wash for a day) and added yeah (perhaps as assurance that it was ok without a day of washing) that even my mum handwashes most of the clothes except spin drying.
Then he got really mad and asked me why do I always asked him so many questions and why must his maid hand wash the clothes when she had to look after his two (precious) children and told me I am not his boss ok and he will go and buy his washing machine as and when he pleased.
The Old Boy told me at that point that he was really mad.
I said to him I was just concerned that he wouldn't get into trouble.
Stop it, stop it, stop it, he must be screaming on the other end.
Then he logged off on me.
*****
About 45 mins ago, he got back and logged on.
I'm back, he said.
Oh, you are back, I said.
He told me a little bit about his new washing machine and that was all good.
You are not angry anymore, I asked.
Guess not, he said.
Oh good.
I was boiling mad before with hot goose bumps rising that hurt me, he said.
Huh.
I get that when I am very angry, he said.
But why this angry? I was just concerned about your well-being and getting into trouble with the boss, I said.
Sometimes, you are so insensitive, he said.
I was just concerned about you, I said.
You should be more concerned about the washing machine, he said.
That's a dead object. I was worried about you to your boss. Or maybe your colleagues might tell on you for leaving work to do personal stuff, I said.
I am no. 2 in the office ok and I can say I am going out to do work stuff, he said.
Ok, I said.
Now apologise, he said.
I don't want to, I said.
And you said, you are not angry anymore, I added.
If you don't, I would NEVER speak to you again, he threatened.
I will count to 3, he said.
I am not your child. Hehehheheheeh, I said and attempted to lighten up the mood.
1
2
3
(Silence on my end. I always used to save the day in my favour and perhaps his. But I thought maybe if he did bite the bullet, it would be a merciful relief since my attempts at abstinence from the Old Boy has failed a number of times. Let someone do it to me instead so there would be no excuses. I wasn't about to chase after him to do the begging.)
Ok, goodbye, he said. Then he logged off.
I am sure he will deliver his promise and not speak again.
Well, c'est lah vie.
*****
The first time the Old Boy logged off on me, I recalled a distant memory of my dynamics with DL in the first couple of years we dated.
I gained an insight about my dynamics in my relationships.
DL and I used to quarrel like the above. Things I thought were trival like today and often, we had to trash it out and break it into parts as to why a conversation could go awry.
There were lots of frustration on both our ends. Mine was more hurt than anything else as I felt like a victim for overcaring someone but my intentions have been mis-intepreted.
Then DL would break it down for me and quizzed me hard until he arrived at a conclusion.
“Why the fuck do you always have to miss out on the steps?”
“I don't know. Because my mind has arrived at the conclusion before my words could take you through my intentions.”
So there laid the root of the miscommunication. Me, always ahead of myself and everyone else.
DL told me I got to take him through because he wasn't my brain and couldn't see the conclusion without seeing the thought process to lead me to my intentions.
So over the years, I tried to slow down but me being me, impatient, often heading for the destination and not the journey would still be a few steps faster to act or to speak my mind about my conclusions.
DL got used to me. I guess being in a long term relationship, we grew in sync. He had grown to trust what might sometimes to be my foresight of a situation. I have been big picture and he was process driven and in that sense, it complemented how we conducted our joint lives in decision-making. I
Perhaps, if I could so aptly sum up the dynamics between DL and myself, I was that smart alec with the assert approach which he hated to love but ironically, he grew reliant upon. For the most part, he ceased to question since his baby probably knew where she was heading for them and it would be a chore for her to have to be bogged down with going through those details of why. So therein lies his faith in me to decide for us and to believe I have every good intention in my often seemingly callous questions or comments.
Over the years,ironically I noted that DL was more concerned if I was not that callous and questioning P, that quality he initially abhorred which resulted in a lot of our eruptions but he had grown very fond of, simply because he knew it was my way to show that I cared.
*****
So today, it dawned on me that I have yet again taken a detail for granted.
Yeah, the Old Boy always said that I am demanding and asked too many questions. I think DL felt the same way too but then he stood the test I knew it was the way I cared.
They are both right- the Old Boy simply reminded me that I am hard to live with and bear as a person, especially as someone else's girlfriend. I almost forgot about that because DL got over that over the years and I am simply just familiar with the Old Boy as a friend and then a lover. So he already had insight to my character.
I am now single.
The notion of having to fine tune a person to be in sync of me will be arduous.
If the Old Boy who knows me so well cannot handle it leading to the break-down of this friendship, it will be tough with a new guy going forward.
It goes to show only true love, followed by faith could stand the test of one's idiosyncracies and lead to a certain mutual understanding.
