Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Sad Town
There is something about Sad Town, a certain beauty that I have taken for granted for a good part of my twenty something years living there before I left it in exchange for a faster paced and energetic city in Sydney. And now I re-visit Sad Town with refreshed eyes…
Sad Town holds a lot of bitter sweet memories and pretty much summed up the emotional and financial struggle of that earlier part of my life living in Australia. It was first jointly shared with my then best friend Gina for the first year and then gradually taken over by DL. I associated this place with a lot of the pain, anxiety and angst I felt trapped in during those dark years living with DL. Then there was also the small minded, government type mentality where people work the routine 9am-5pm hours that I wanted to break out off. I was ambitious and thought this was no place for a career-minded young lady like me.
It’s been six months since I last visited Sad Town. The last time, I returned to the place with the Older Sibling to do a quick pack up of my belongings following my break up with DL. Again, it was a half-hearted attempt where between intervals of sieving through seven years worth of photos representing our joint existences, I stopped to hide my tears and blew my nose. I noticed too from the corner of my eye that DL’s feeble attempt at lightening the situation (again for my benefit) with his face turned from me was also to conceal his brim of tears.
****
This time, I grew a tad nostalgic. For the first time, I didn’t have to worry about not having a job for myself or for DL. Sad Town really looks quite beautiful.
I appreciate Sad Town’s consistency- ever so well planned a small city, the parks, the lake and the government buildings. I have left, changed and returned; the city has developed rapidly over the last few years but the people living here hardly changed. I see the same strangers that I saw in the cafes and shops that I go to since I first lived here in 1999. The soul of this place remains consistent.
Ironically, Sad Town is the only place that I have lived in my life that I could safely say that I actually know the geography well from one suburb to another. I could actually tell you which direction each suburb is located and I wouldn’t have a clue about a small island country like Singapore. In Sad Town, DL and I live on the main avenue which also made everything accessible- I have the Asian Town just across the other side of the avenue and the city a short 3 minutes drive away.
The other day, I returned to Sad Town for the big markets held on the first Sunday of each month. DL hadn’t been there for years since I left for the big city and asked me just to confirm it was indeed the first Sunday and not the last of the month. “Of course,” I replied without a shadow of doubt- Sad Town has a way of making me feel confident. We sometimes linked arms and then held hands lightly (perhaps to rekindle what we had before but just short of kissing) and stopped to buy a giant straw of flavoured licorice to share and chew on and the little home made snacks between looking at dogs, cats and poultry for sale. Then we headed to the wet markets to stock up on fresh and cheap groceries for the next few days, just like how we used to spend our Sundays as poor students before the hardening of our financial situations meant that DL had little choice but to work on that supposed rest day of the week.
****
It’s a typical peaceful late morning like any other day in Sad Town.
I sit before DL’s laptop now as I type this up and my Fluffball sleeps languidly on the bed-sitter next to me.
My heart feels at peace for the most part and I am beginning to fall in love with Sad Town again and living that simple life.
It’s not too bad really- a conducive place to read and write and launch the little projects I had always yearned to in those years where the practicality of our situation meant I always needed a real job.
I am beginning to appreciate the routine in Sad Town (which DL has used to highlight to me that it would do some good in restoring some order to our chaotic and cluttered lives).
I love waking up when DL’s alarm clock rings at 7.30am as I lay lazily in bed to bid him a great day at work. Then I fall back to sleep restlessly for another hour whilst the Fluffball sits patiently at my right leg on the bed to await me to take her on her daily morning walks. After that, I return home to feed the Fluffball and contemplate whether to give her a bath (which is a long affair given the length of her hair and the state of her matted-ness). Then I sit before the computer for a bit before deciding what to prepare for lunch as DL returns home at 1pm each day without fail to eat and take a short siesta.
I usually have the whole afternoon free to read and write, not unless my best friend Daisy comes to “disturb” me with a visit. Yesterday, we spent the entire afternoon at the beauty salon where we had our facial, body wrap and massage. Last week, she visited me in Sydney and we too sat naked in the day spa contemplating on our future paths post readings with a clairvoyant. On Monday night, we successfully pulled our other best friend, Tina out for a girls’ night at the Karaoke and she got so drunk, high and happy. Tina who is our age, has 3 kids and hasn’t been able to go out in years. She said she would really miss me when I am gone. Tonight, we’ll have yet another girls’ night out. Heh, heh…
So yeah, Sad Town has its charms. I feel a sense of domestic bliss from the rather simple life I lead here. I never had time to smell the roses in those years I lived here, always struggling to make ends meet. Today, I feel a sense of inner peace.
“Can I come and live with you for free until I find my footing again?” I asked DL teasingly.
“Of course. See I told you Sad Town is a great place to live. We knock off at 5.30pm and I am home in 2 minutes.”
*****
Last week and the week before seems like eons away.
I am so used to the idea now that I don’t have a job and almost think I could do with not returning to the corporate world again.
I almost feel amazed that my inner fear to constantly want to maintain a tight grip on my life is dissipating. For once, I might just take a punt at living the journey and not worry too much about the destination.
*****
Before I came last Saturday, I bought myself a one way ticket home in Sydney. I fly out in early July. For good.
But I reckon I might well be back. If so, Sad Town it would be.
We’ll see. Que sera sera.
There is something about Sad Town, a certain beauty that I have taken for granted for a good part of my twenty something years living there before I left it in exchange for a faster paced and energetic city in Sydney. And now I re-visit Sad Town with refreshed eyes…
Sad Town holds a lot of bitter sweet memories and pretty much summed up the emotional and financial struggle of that earlier part of my life living in Australia. It was first jointly shared with my then best friend Gina for the first year and then gradually taken over by DL. I associated this place with a lot of the pain, anxiety and angst I felt trapped in during those dark years living with DL. Then there was also the small minded, government type mentality where people work the routine 9am-5pm hours that I wanted to break out off. I was ambitious and thought this was no place for a career-minded young lady like me.
It’s been six months since I last visited Sad Town. The last time, I returned to the place with the Older Sibling to do a quick pack up of my belongings following my break up with DL. Again, it was a half-hearted attempt where between intervals of sieving through seven years worth of photos representing our joint existences, I stopped to hide my tears and blew my nose. I noticed too from the corner of my eye that DL’s feeble attempt at lightening the situation (again for my benefit) with his face turned from me was also to conceal his brim of tears.
****
This time, I grew a tad nostalgic. For the first time, I didn’t have to worry about not having a job for myself or for DL. Sad Town really looks quite beautiful.
I appreciate Sad Town’s consistency- ever so well planned a small city, the parks, the lake and the government buildings. I have left, changed and returned; the city has developed rapidly over the last few years but the people living here hardly changed. I see the same strangers that I saw in the cafes and shops that I go to since I first lived here in 1999. The soul of this place remains consistent.
Ironically, Sad Town is the only place that I have lived in my life that I could safely say that I actually know the geography well from one suburb to another. I could actually tell you which direction each suburb is located and I wouldn’t have a clue about a small island country like Singapore. In Sad Town, DL and I live on the main avenue which also made everything accessible- I have the Asian Town just across the other side of the avenue and the city a short 3 minutes drive away.
The other day, I returned to Sad Town for the big markets held on the first Sunday of each month. DL hadn’t been there for years since I left for the big city and asked me just to confirm it was indeed the first Sunday and not the last of the month. “Of course,” I replied without a shadow of doubt- Sad Town has a way of making me feel confident. We sometimes linked arms and then held hands lightly (perhaps to rekindle what we had before but just short of kissing) and stopped to buy a giant straw of flavoured licorice to share and chew on and the little home made snacks between looking at dogs, cats and poultry for sale. Then we headed to the wet markets to stock up on fresh and cheap groceries for the next few days, just like how we used to spend our Sundays as poor students before the hardening of our financial situations meant that DL had little choice but to work on that supposed rest day of the week.
****
It’s a typical peaceful late morning like any other day in Sad Town.
I sit before DL’s laptop now as I type this up and my Fluffball sleeps languidly on the bed-sitter next to me.
My heart feels at peace for the most part and I am beginning to fall in love with Sad Town again and living that simple life.
It’s not too bad really- a conducive place to read and write and launch the little projects I had always yearned to in those years where the practicality of our situation meant I always needed a real job.
I am beginning to appreciate the routine in Sad Town (which DL has used to highlight to me that it would do some good in restoring some order to our chaotic and cluttered lives).
I love waking up when DL’s alarm clock rings at 7.30am as I lay lazily in bed to bid him a great day at work. Then I fall back to sleep restlessly for another hour whilst the Fluffball sits patiently at my right leg on the bed to await me to take her on her daily morning walks. After that, I return home to feed the Fluffball and contemplate whether to give her a bath (which is a long affair given the length of her hair and the state of her matted-ness). Then I sit before the computer for a bit before deciding what to prepare for lunch as DL returns home at 1pm each day without fail to eat and take a short siesta.
I usually have the whole afternoon free to read and write, not unless my best friend Daisy comes to “disturb” me with a visit. Yesterday, we spent the entire afternoon at the beauty salon where we had our facial, body wrap and massage. Last week, she visited me in Sydney and we too sat naked in the day spa contemplating on our future paths post readings with a clairvoyant. On Monday night, we successfully pulled our other best friend, Tina out for a girls’ night at the Karaoke and she got so drunk, high and happy. Tina who is our age, has 3 kids and hasn’t been able to go out in years. She said she would really miss me when I am gone. Tonight, we’ll have yet another girls’ night out. Heh, heh…
So yeah, Sad Town has its charms. I feel a sense of domestic bliss from the rather simple life I lead here. I never had time to smell the roses in those years I lived here, always struggling to make ends meet. Today, I feel a sense of inner peace.
“Can I come and live with you for free until I find my footing again?” I asked DL teasingly.
“Of course. See I told you Sad Town is a great place to live. We knock off at 5.30pm and I am home in 2 minutes.”
*****
Last week and the week before seems like eons away.
I am so used to the idea now that I don’t have a job and almost think I could do with not returning to the corporate world again.
I almost feel amazed that my inner fear to constantly want to maintain a tight grip on my life is dissipating. For once, I might just take a punt at living the journey and not worry too much about the destination.
*****
Before I came last Saturday, I bought myself a one way ticket home in Sydney. I fly out in early July. For good.
But I reckon I might well be back. If so, Sad Town it would be.
We’ll see. Que sera sera.
