Monday, June 23, 2008
State of the Soul
I have been feeling like a high roller since the wee hours of Friday morning despite my persistent cold virus . You see, my girlfriends and I got inspired to embark on a business venture at 2a.m in the morning as we sat at the casino and chatted excitedly of how we could best take off our plans. I got home at 4.30a.m in the morning and lamented at the untimeliness of our discussions, taking place on my last day in Sad Town. At 8.am that morning, I was to board the bus back to Sydney.
We didn't waste anytime. Tina has been scouting for a suitable location whilst I have been a busy bee on the internet trying to work on researching for ideas, typing up communication to interested parties and keeping everyone committed and excited at the plan. It's only Day three and our ideas looks like it is taking shape in good form. Give it a few more months, hopefully, we would get it right and ready to launch once we get the paperwork, discussions underway and iron out any potential glitches from our initial optimism of our grand plans.
So you see, keeping me busy and on my toes (for things with a self motivated agenda) have kept my spirit up, on top of juggling on how freaking best to pack and look for a new apartment for the Older Sibling....
I am even beginning to hate myself for having to leave Australia soon. Naturally, I should have headed back to Sad Town and settle there when I handed in the letter.
*****
Times like this I feel almost invincible.
Perhaps, the more appropriate description is feeling in control.
P taking the lead in the discussion, forefront of ideas and friends who believe in your abilities and would like to follow your lead to jointly build your dreams together.
The week couldn't have ended any better.
*****
Have you ever felt that slight pinch in your heart triggered by a visual image or provoked by what you might possibly infer from things you hear or see?
That discomfort sticks out like a sore thumb or rather, alarm bells you wish your ears could be deaf and be shielded from hearing.
House of cards tumbling.
It instantaneously makes the soul very unbearable.
Just that split second of information taken in by your senses, processed by your brain and digested by your heart.
It has a way of tipping your emotional balance.
Some days, the heart squeeze becomes all too painful, your hand physically holds on tight to your chest.
Then it dawned upon you.
You always found excuses, citing your job as the main culprit. Then you recall worser days of your life from that distant past working and feeling like shit and being treated like shit. But you took the punches and blows resiliently.
With your last job, it wasn't all too bad if you weren't so emotionally wretched and affected by your private life. No wonder your colleagues see you as a bit of a Dr. Jekyll & Hyde. One moment all fiesty and motivated, another heavy and depressed. You have always been a bit of an odd-ball that way; your team couldn't quite figure out what you were thinking. They initially took you because you were the brightest spark of the unspiring lot that they picked out to interview. You were supposed to be sharp and intelligent.
Now- you have no job. You have only you to deal with.
Wherein lies your misery, you ask?
Much as you always hate to think that you could let your emotions in your personal life affect your career, you did let it fuck you up alright.
There is no escaping this time.
Tonight, you felt that dark shadow of your heart rising post your one second of chancing upon a visual image of something. You hold your breath to prevent it from seizing you.
You have no job to worry about.
You know what's getting you- that frail nerves of yours.
Still not invincible. No. You definitely need time off to retreat- the pilgrimage you mustn't do without.
Maybe you will learn to let go and forget.
I have been feeling like a high roller since the wee hours of Friday morning despite my persistent cold virus . You see, my girlfriends and I got inspired to embark on a business venture at 2a.m in the morning as we sat at the casino and chatted excitedly of how we could best take off our plans. I got home at 4.30a.m in the morning and lamented at the untimeliness of our discussions, taking place on my last day in Sad Town. At 8.am that morning, I was to board the bus back to Sydney.
We didn't waste anytime. Tina has been scouting for a suitable location whilst I have been a busy bee on the internet trying to work on researching for ideas, typing up communication to interested parties and keeping everyone committed and excited at the plan. It's only Day three and our ideas looks like it is taking shape in good form. Give it a few more months, hopefully, we would get it right and ready to launch once we get the paperwork, discussions underway and iron out any potential glitches from our initial optimism of our grand plans.
So you see, keeping me busy and on my toes (for things with a self motivated agenda) have kept my spirit up, on top of juggling on how freaking best to pack and look for a new apartment for the Older Sibling....
I am even beginning to hate myself for having to leave Australia soon. Naturally, I should have headed back to Sad Town and settle there when I handed in the letter.
*****
Times like this I feel almost invincible.
Perhaps, the more appropriate description is feeling in control.
P taking the lead in the discussion, forefront of ideas and friends who believe in your abilities and would like to follow your lead to jointly build your dreams together.
The week couldn't have ended any better.
*****
Have you ever felt that slight pinch in your heart triggered by a visual image or provoked by what you might possibly infer from things you hear or see?
That discomfort sticks out like a sore thumb or rather, alarm bells you wish your ears could be deaf and be shielded from hearing.
House of cards tumbling.
It instantaneously makes the soul very unbearable.
Just that split second of information taken in by your senses, processed by your brain and digested by your heart.
It has a way of tipping your emotional balance.
Some days, the heart squeeze becomes all too painful, your hand physically holds on tight to your chest.
Then it dawned upon you.
You always found excuses, citing your job as the main culprit. Then you recall worser days of your life from that distant past working and feeling like shit and being treated like shit. But you took the punches and blows resiliently.
With your last job, it wasn't all too bad if you weren't so emotionally wretched and affected by your private life. No wonder your colleagues see you as a bit of a Dr. Jekyll & Hyde. One moment all fiesty and motivated, another heavy and depressed. You have always been a bit of an odd-ball that way; your team couldn't quite figure out what you were thinking. They initially took you because you were the brightest spark of the unspiring lot that they picked out to interview. You were supposed to be sharp and intelligent.
Now- you have no job. You have only you to deal with.
Wherein lies your misery, you ask?
Much as you always hate to think that you could let your emotions in your personal life affect your career, you did let it fuck you up alright.
There is no escaping this time.
Tonight, you felt that dark shadow of your heart rising post your one second of chancing upon a visual image of something. You hold your breath to prevent it from seizing you.
You have no job to worry about.
You know what's getting you- that frail nerves of yours.
Still not invincible. No. You definitely need time off to retreat- the pilgrimage you mustn't do without.
Maybe you will learn to let go and forget.
