Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Not Well
Feeling very depressed and jittery today.
I am back in Kathmandu but tomorrow a big and arduous trip awaits me early in the morning. I fly to Lukla and trek to Everest Base Camp for the next two weeks.
I don't feel like I am emotionally equipped to do it tomorrow.
Few things are plaguing me still. The Old Boy fills up my thoughts persistently and it's feeling me with angst and pain.
I am depressed. Very. The littlelest things bother me.
I just got back from the jungle safari today which was relief since my eczema has flared up so badly. Weather was foul and I spent my first day cooped up in my room lying in bed thinking of the Old Boy and my thoughts, combined with my cabin fever was overwhelming me so badly I lost my appetite. This morning, I was scared shitless out of bed as I spotted a mouse in my room and I packed at the earliest instant and was at the reception by 6.30am before the others awaken. The only positive thing that came from that little adventure were the people I met, the elephant rides and the village dance.
I haven't been sleeping well and have been losing my appetite big time...
Lats week, I was very sick and since then I haven't been able to eat. I was staying at a luxurious resort where dignitaries like Prince Charles and other royalties have stayed. That must be the highlight of my trip except that I was really sick and once at night where I had some time to myself as my own dedicated guide and driver left me to my own devices, I got lost at night and walked into some unknown village in the pouring rain and got sicker! Met two interesting guys, one French and one Thai. The former in precious stone trade who supply precious gems to the lights of Cartier and his Thai ex-classmate in the business of designing hotel lobbies. I invited the gentlemen to join me with my private car with my guide and driver while their driver followed us. Later in the afternoon, they invited me to join them out on the lake where the gentlemen promised to row the boat while i get to relax. A typically socially tenacious P would have been thrilled with a social invitation except that I was to sick for any outdoor activities and instead, I declined and retreated to rest. We exchanged contact details and the French guy (who reminded me of my very first French lover, except this guy is more sophisticated and clean cut and slightly younger than me) invited me to stay at his empty apartment in the 14th arrondissment if I were to visit Paris or his family home in the form a castle a little way out of Paris. The Thai who is based in Florida (and has always lived abroad and is also of thee boarding school gentility) was also very helpful and suggested that if I run into trouble in Bangkok next month, please ring him up as he still has family there. The French smiled and insisted yeah, his friend is definitely someone good to know. The French who is based in Jaipur suggested that I take a trip to India sometime where he would have a good spa place to recommend me and coincidentally enough, we both realised that we wanted to trek to Mustang the next time we are in Nepal. So we promised to keep in touch.
But enough said! Let me see how I go tomorrow with Everest base camp. I am still jittery! So wish me luck!
Right now, I feel like a coward and wish that I could hop on the next plane home.
Bangkok's supposed to be my next stop after Kathmandu. Earlier, Big M suggested he might meet me there as he could potentially be there for a business trip.
Who knows- anyways he is now happily having his overdue honeymoon in some far flung safari in Africa with his wife. Maybe that might work its magic to enhance some domestic bliss...
I just remember my weekend in Bangkok would also happen to be Nano's big 30th birthday. Then a few weeks after, he comes to Singapore to visit. I haven't seen him in a year now. Time flies.
Somehow, nothing matters anymore to me. I am still stuck in January 2008.
For a long while now, I had wished that it would be the Old Boy waiting for me and welcoming me from the end of my pilgrimage in Bangkok.
Wishful thinking.
It's a lost cause but I indulge in moments of stupidity in hoping...
For the most part, I allow my thoughts to overwhelm me in pain...
Feeling very depressed and jittery today.
I am back in Kathmandu but tomorrow a big and arduous trip awaits me early in the morning. I fly to Lukla and trek to Everest Base Camp for the next two weeks.
I don't feel like I am emotionally equipped to do it tomorrow.
Few things are plaguing me still. The Old Boy fills up my thoughts persistently and it's feeling me with angst and pain.
I am depressed. Very. The littlelest things bother me.
I just got back from the jungle safari today which was relief since my eczema has flared up so badly. Weather was foul and I spent my first day cooped up in my room lying in bed thinking of the Old Boy and my thoughts, combined with my cabin fever was overwhelming me so badly I lost my appetite. This morning, I was scared shitless out of bed as I spotted a mouse in my room and I packed at the earliest instant and was at the reception by 6.30am before the others awaken. The only positive thing that came from that little adventure were the people I met, the elephant rides and the village dance.
I haven't been sleeping well and have been losing my appetite big time...
Lats week, I was very sick and since then I haven't been able to eat. I was staying at a luxurious resort where dignitaries like Prince Charles and other royalties have stayed. That must be the highlight of my trip except that I was really sick and once at night where I had some time to myself as my own dedicated guide and driver left me to my own devices, I got lost at night and walked into some unknown village in the pouring rain and got sicker! Met two interesting guys, one French and one Thai. The former in precious stone trade who supply precious gems to the lights of Cartier and his Thai ex-classmate in the business of designing hotel lobbies. I invited the gentlemen to join me with my private car with my guide and driver while their driver followed us. Later in the afternoon, they invited me to join them out on the lake where the gentlemen promised to row the boat while i get to relax. A typically socially tenacious P would have been thrilled with a social invitation except that I was to sick for any outdoor activities and instead, I declined and retreated to rest. We exchanged contact details and the French guy (who reminded me of my very first French lover, except this guy is more sophisticated and clean cut and slightly younger than me) invited me to stay at his empty apartment in the 14th arrondissment if I were to visit Paris or his family home in the form a castle a little way out of Paris. The Thai who is based in Florida (and has always lived abroad and is also of thee boarding school gentility) was also very helpful and suggested that if I run into trouble in Bangkok next month, please ring him up as he still has family there. The French smiled and insisted yeah, his friend is definitely someone good to know. The French who is based in Jaipur suggested that I take a trip to India sometime where he would have a good spa place to recommend me and coincidentally enough, we both realised that we wanted to trek to Mustang the next time we are in Nepal. So we promised to keep in touch.
But enough said! Let me see how I go tomorrow with Everest base camp. I am still jittery! So wish me luck!
Right now, I feel like a coward and wish that I could hop on the next plane home.
Bangkok's supposed to be my next stop after Kathmandu. Earlier, Big M suggested he might meet me there as he could potentially be there for a business trip.
Who knows- anyways he is now happily having his overdue honeymoon in some far flung safari in Africa with his wife. Maybe that might work its magic to enhance some domestic bliss...
I just remember my weekend in Bangkok would also happen to be Nano's big 30th birthday. Then a few weeks after, he comes to Singapore to visit. I haven't seen him in a year now. Time flies.
Somehow, nothing matters anymore to me. I am still stuck in January 2008.
For a long while now, I had wished that it would be the Old Boy waiting for me and welcoming me from the end of my pilgrimage in Bangkok.
Wishful thinking.
It's a lost cause but I indulge in moments of stupidity in hoping...
For the most part, I allow my thoughts to overwhelm me in pain...
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Hey babe, please hang in there! If you see this message, chances are you probably survived Base Camp, but if you haven't gone up yet, don't do anything unless you feel strong ok! I'm with you in spirit. See you home in Singapore soon. Remember you always have somewhere to come back to and friends you can count on.
i dont want to be mean. since you have gone on this trip, surely you know what karma is. AND why do you keep looking for another wife's husband??
you sound like an intelligent woman and i'm sure in the future, you will have another man to call your own. do you like it if someone more youthful or different comes along and starts having an affair with your husband? no, right?
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you sound like an intelligent woman and i'm sure in the future, you will have another man to call your own. do you like it if someone more youthful or different comes along and starts having an affair with your husband? no, right?
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