Monday, March 16, 2009
Insomnia
I can't fucking sleep. It's 3am.
Slept too much in the afternoon. Now I am surrounded by me and my own thoughts. I am back in 2008 again. Another memory, another time.
Good thing, I don't have a day job to return to on Monday or else I will be getting a cardiac arrest for my lack of sleep and difficulty in waking up.
I don't fucking like this feeling. I am fucking unsettled by some thoughts.
I need to stop lazing and start working. Perhaps.
Well, not really. Don't fucking want to work.
By the way, we found a property yesterday. We have put in an offer. So maybe I might have a new house to distract me and put me to work as a home maker.
I am not en forme. Not in the game. Not being competitive. It's fucking unlike me.
My Manager calls me Miss Ditzy. He thinks I don't need to work. He wants me to step up and wants me to do his role so he could take some time out. It's a big gig if I could even excel in his role. Its a respectable dining establishment in town.
I am mildly excited in my unfocused and lacking in motivation state.
But I am aware that I am not ready. Emotionally and physically.
I am fucking unfocused these days. Yesterday, my team and I went to speak to a proprietor about buying over her business. First, I was late and missed half the conversation. Then I inquired about the price. $280k, I think it was. Fuck, I don't even remember exactly and I am not one to forget about numbers. I didn't even talk much. Usually, I am the leader of the pack with the hard questions.
I have no fucking interest. I was part drifting and I felt a mild irritation arising within me about why the fuck I was there?
Please, someone please tell me, this is not going to be it for my life? Please tell me I will get better.
I can't fucking sleep. It's 3am.
Slept too much in the afternoon. Now I am surrounded by me and my own thoughts. I am back in 2008 again. Another memory, another time.
Good thing, I don't have a day job to return to on Monday or else I will be getting a cardiac arrest for my lack of sleep and difficulty in waking up.
I don't fucking like this feeling. I am fucking unsettled by some thoughts.
I need to stop lazing and start working. Perhaps.
Well, not really. Don't fucking want to work.
By the way, we found a property yesterday. We have put in an offer. So maybe I might have a new house to distract me and put me to work as a home maker.
I am not en forme. Not in the game. Not being competitive. It's fucking unlike me.
My Manager calls me Miss Ditzy. He thinks I don't need to work. He wants me to step up and wants me to do his role so he could take some time out. It's a big gig if I could even excel in his role. Its a respectable dining establishment in town.
I am mildly excited in my unfocused and lacking in motivation state.
But I am aware that I am not ready. Emotionally and physically.
I am fucking unfocused these days. Yesterday, my team and I went to speak to a proprietor about buying over her business. First, I was late and missed half the conversation. Then I inquired about the price. $280k, I think it was. Fuck, I don't even remember exactly and I am not one to forget about numbers. I didn't even talk much. Usually, I am the leader of the pack with the hard questions.
I have no fucking interest. I was part drifting and I felt a mild irritation arising within me about why the fuck I was there?
Please, someone please tell me, this is not going to be it for my life? Please tell me I will get better.
