Saturday, March 14, 2009
Unbalancing Act
I am in a growly mood.
Three club entry stamps within an hour, I find myself leaving my friends and going. The party have barely started. Prior, Daisy and I spent more than an hour putting on make up and her curling my hair.
Everything irritate the shits out of me. I cannot focus.
I started feeling emotionally unstable when we couldn't locate DL and gang at the first club. I was losing my patience and my irritation was betrayed over the phone. Shortly after a drink, we sojourned to a gay bar.
At the gay bar, for some reason, I got irritated that DL had to pay for Daisy's cover charge as she looked surprised at having to pay. Why should he when everyone in the group was going dutch? We aren't particularly rich of late. Somehow, the smallest thing irritated the shits out of me. His supposed virtue seems a vice to me now.
Then the group went to get drinks and again, people always seem too slow in reaching for their wallets and then DL always as alert will do the “right” thing. This generosity is pissing the shits out of me. It reminded me of our youth where he was still shouting drinks to friends when he was down to $12 in his bank account. I was losing it and so was he. I feel my deep seated anger for him re-surfacing.
So I left the club and hailed a cab home without even saying the necessary replies to the group and do the right social thing. Lately, I have run out of patience. I can't fucking focus to even do the socially appropriate thing. If I gotta go, I gotta go.
When I made my way to the taxi rank, two ladies cut my queue. I screamed at them and told them to get in the cue. Too bad, they got on too fast and think they heard me. As the taxi passed me by, I gave them the finger.
Of late, in my unbalanced mood, the littlelest thing DL does in conflict to my desires will see my temper rising. But no, I got to suppress it because he has a greater temper that could match mine. I would bite my tongue to say things that will become cutting.
These are days where I would feel like I have fucking no patience for him, or for anyone. Fuck off everyone! Fuck off! I am best to be left alone.
I am in a growly mood.
Three club entry stamps within an hour, I find myself leaving my friends and going. The party have barely started. Prior, Daisy and I spent more than an hour putting on make up and her curling my hair.
Everything irritate the shits out of me. I cannot focus.
I started feeling emotionally unstable when we couldn't locate DL and gang at the first club. I was losing my patience and my irritation was betrayed over the phone. Shortly after a drink, we sojourned to a gay bar.
At the gay bar, for some reason, I got irritated that DL had to pay for Daisy's cover charge as she looked surprised at having to pay. Why should he when everyone in the group was going dutch? We aren't particularly rich of late. Somehow, the smallest thing irritated the shits out of me. His supposed virtue seems a vice to me now.
Then the group went to get drinks and again, people always seem too slow in reaching for their wallets and then DL always as alert will do the “right” thing. This generosity is pissing the shits out of me. It reminded me of our youth where he was still shouting drinks to friends when he was down to $12 in his bank account. I was losing it and so was he. I feel my deep seated anger for him re-surfacing.
So I left the club and hailed a cab home without even saying the necessary replies to the group and do the right social thing. Lately, I have run out of patience. I can't fucking focus to even do the socially appropriate thing. If I gotta go, I gotta go.
When I made my way to the taxi rank, two ladies cut my queue. I screamed at them and told them to get in the cue. Too bad, they got on too fast and think they heard me. As the taxi passed me by, I gave them the finger.
Of late, in my unbalanced mood, the littlelest thing DL does in conflict to my desires will see my temper rising. But no, I got to suppress it because he has a greater temper that could match mine. I would bite my tongue to say things that will become cutting.
These are days where I would feel like I have fucking no patience for him, or for anyone. Fuck off everyone! Fuck off! I am best to be left alone.
