Restructure- on your own terms

The Meeting ( post “Rainchecks”)

We finally met up on a warm late Friday morning. I proposed meeting up at the Powerhouse Museum as my time in Sydney was short and I wanted to close in on some art appreciation time. There was a fashion exhibition on.

I arrived first at the lobby and a short while later after to-and-fro messages, he arrived, slightly flustered for having got lost. We smiled half warmly but tinged with a slight awkwardness like old friends do when they hadn't seen each other in ages and paid for our tickets (dutch, I insisted). We began wandering around in somewhat a disorganised manner, not paying much real attention to the exhibits whilst we tried to fill each other in about what both of us had been up to since we bade our farewells in May 2008.

I learnt that Dope had been made redundant since April 2009, got a not too bad redundancy payout package and took to travels around Europe with his girlfriend. He had recently returned back to Australia. I updated him about my pilgrimage in Nepal, failed partnership with the restaurant business and my impending business with DL.

Deep in our conversation, we were getting so lost in the museum. We tried to orientate ourselves using the map but as Dope is almost as bad with directions as I was, we were getting quite lost. We laughed and I joked that since we were both as broke, we might as well take our time and get our money's worth out of this exhibition as the fashion bits were mixed in with other exhibits on the history of locomotives. At some stage, we finally found the Lace Room that I was dying to see and as the old ladies curators were motivated to extend their education to a newbie lace aficionado like me, we ended up spending a good one hour in that room, be awestruck by the intricacy of handwork, whilst Dope stood around trying to take it all in. In between the “mini tours” by the curators, I sneaked glances at him and proffered my deepest apologies for making him wait whilst I perused through drawers and drawers of French, Spanish, Portuguese laces. As usual, he was cool about it in his aloof way and said it was interesting pieces of news for him and it was good for him to try everything out once in his life.

About two hours into the exhibition, we decided to call it quits as we were both ready for lunch. After that, we took a stroll to Darling Harbour where we sat by the water in warm-ish weather. The sun shone in our faces.

It was an absolutely lovely day. On a nice Friday afternoon, Dope and I were sitting by the harbour surrounded by skyscrapers enjoying a leisurely time. It was exactly the perfect type of day that I had used to wish for us to spend time together. He was never available and neither was I that that free- work demanded us from admiring the harbour views from our prime space offices that we never had time to even so glance out of the windows. We spoke candidly. I noticed he was less inhibited as a person and much more confident, almost showing that critical side of himself where he would have kept his views to himself in the past. For me, he found me more considered as a person, less flighty, looked heaps better and happier from my complexion. He commented I looked almost younger. My much better complexion, he commented was back to the same as when I was in first year university. I laughed and said it was probably the make up and blusher and he said, no, and pointed to my forehead area where the zits have cleared up from the last he saw me. I was in a really bad place, I admitted about last year but laughed in jest that I always had good skin back in university. Not really, he reminded me that there were years where it was a bit wonky. Funny he said that because I truly did forget I did have bad skin for awhile. I didn't realised Dope remembered so much about me-we were mere acquaintances back then.

We even talked about morbid things- like death. His father is 83 and his mum is only in her late 50s. He told me it was cool, when I decided maybe topics as such could be bothering on ultra sensitive.

Finally, the sun was getting too hot for my liking. Recently, my fair-skin has been developing some undesirable freckles. I wanted to get into shade as soon as we could. We move to the Home Bar for a drink and sat on nice tropical looking cane chairs in the cool confines of the establishment. I fancied drinking Pimms on such a warm winter day. Dope went to the bar and came back with two tall icy glasses.

Both of us were so much more relaxed than we used to be together. We talked about his ex-girlfriends, choices of gals and I confessed and laughed at myself on how I used to be so jealous with his choice of that girlfriend, my little scheming ploy to get him during that uni trip to the beach but alas, weeks later, he ended up with his then girlfriend- a relationship that ended quite badly two and half years ago. That girl was my classmate at uni and when Dope and I had our grey arrangement, she was still in the picture. Dope told me when he first got with her, he didn't care, just wanted a girlfriend after his previous grey arrangement of a Thai girlfriend lied to him. He flew to Thailand for her the previous summer and learnt that she always had a boyfriend back home and worst still, she lied about her age. She was two years older than him and had previously maintained that she was younger than him.

That was almost ten years ago. And here we were, aged 30 seated in a bar on a quiet Friday afternoon. We almost became pensive and remained quiet for some time.

Dope told me about how he is more confident now as a person, he felt. He was also trying to be less attached to things and people. I got the sense that he was suggesting why he could handle having an on the side affair now, more so than before.

My life had changed heaps too, I told him. I went through quite a fair bit emotionally so maybe that explained my change. I told him I am still trying to get better- Nepal helped but it is still an ongoing process. He could tell.

“I think... I think...,” I tried to find the right words. As with my more considered and quieter evolving persona, I constantly find myself at the loss of the right words to express myself. Like deep down somewhere, I meant to lose myself.

Dope tilted his head and smiled, waiting for me to complete my sentence.

“I meant to say something about myself and how I feel,” I replied.

Dope looked slightly amused, like duh, it was what he was expecting.

I gave a little laugh, knowing what he was thinking. Then I brightened up.

“Oh I know what I want to say to you now. I think over this year, I have learnt to let go off many things, namely fear... like say if, DL were to say he wants to leave me, I wouldn't have much fear to want to hang on for the sake of fear of letting go...”

Dope nodded, like he understood. A few times he mentioned how I looked less stressed and so much more at peace.

I meant to add too but stopped myself that perhaps I have stop fearing because my heart was truly shattered for the past year. So when one's heart is broken, how can it ever be broken twice right? There is nothing to guard because it has already been put out there and subjected to its utmost trials and tribulations.

When our first drinks ended, I headed for the bathroom. As I was returning to my seat, I saw Dope looking pensively and smiling.

“What are you thinking about Dopey?”

“It's the recession.”

“I know.”

“ And we are drinking...”

“At least we get to enjoy ourselves on a nice Friday afternoon. How often do we get time out like that?”

I was reminded of our past where time was never our friend.

“I would have gotten us another one if not for that..” he said.

Dope used to pay for everything when we went out. It was almost a given- he had always been a provider but more so, a generous person. When I offered to put in my share during lunch, he looked at me with that aiyah- you- don't- have- to- do- that- face but I knew every cent does count in an economic climate like this. Plus he had always been extravagant with money. Especially when he didn't know when he would be getting his next job within financial services. Later on, he did mentioned that by next month if he hadn't got a job, he would seriously be looking at selling some of his shares.

“Don't worry, we'll make do with just one drink,” I quipped in cheerfully.

“Let me get the next one,” I stood up to get to the bar later.

I fumbled through my wallet for change. From the corner, he saw and intercepted with some cash.

“Don't worry! I'm getting it!” I shoo-ed him away.

We had another drink and decided to leave.

I had another appointment to get to.

Dope offered for us to get back to his apartment nearby to get his car where he could then give me a lift.

So I did finally get to his apartment, except to quickly use his bathroom and then down to the garage where his new-ish s70 Volvo was parked. It was the first time I sat in his car.

I have forgotten how tall Dopey really is until he sat in the driver's seat and I noticed his super long legs.

A fast driver he was-whizzed through the city and through shortcuts he did and got me to my next appointment right on the dot.

It was a lovely day.

I got this nice, warm fuzzy feeling from our meeting.

Nothing sexual came out of it.

It was nice to catch up with a special, old friend again. In such a different context.

Pure bliss, I would say.

I will have this beautiful Friday afternoon etched in my mind for as long as I can remember even if we were never to catch each other again.