Wednesday, March 24, 2010
In a Matter of one year...
I notice that many things can change or eventuate.
The birth of a child is one, then a wedding anouncement, the change of one's heart or you could put on 10 kilos or you could become bankrupt. In some other cases, you become really rich and/or famous.
It is the time of the year that I become yet again aware of my own mortality. Another year of growing older- I turn 31 in less than a week.
I haven't done much thinking lately, simply because I have been way too busy. Doing twelve hour days of physical AND mental work is no joke, I come home feeling drained on a daily basis. I haven't have much of a night, let alone day off for as long as I could remember.
I must have had this blog for a good four years now. It was inspired by a certain Big Boy I once wrote about.
I remember that year quite vividly for a few reasons- it was the year M came to Singapore to visit me and we spent the new year gazing at the fireworks, and Big M came out for a drink (unbeknownst to me, he had some erotic designs on me), left disappointed and then we lost touch, only for me to track him down for work and thereafter he wrote me an email to suggest meeting me in that low cut halter neck lace dress I wore the last time we met. That was more than a year before. Then M left and B and I were out, me masking my sorrow by having a girly night out. I met the Big Boy, we kept in touch, some erotic electronic tennis we played and this blog was born...
Some of you have been following my blog for a long, long time, perhaps since the beginning of it... From 2006 till now, much have changed in my life- it has been a gradual metamorphosis of my disturbed life to something that seemed rather calm or I dare say, dull juncture that I am now in.
Today, I woke up and it dawned on me that I have known the Old Boy for a good three years now. Where was I at in my life 3 years ago, I wonder?
A string of affairs raced through my head like a strip of black and white film unrolling itself. The experiences seemed blurry, even a chore to recall, like I have let go, or rather, too ashamed to remember. My life is now, I feel.
I find myself less excitable these days. Being excitable takes too much out of me. I wonder if I could find myself in an adventurous state ever again or will life be one straight line from hereon?
Two years ago (2008), I was in Hanoi and then I went on to the United States for work. I recalled taking a short jaunt back home to Singapore. By then, the damage had already been done between the Old Boy and I. There was also the Koran on the side. Then there was my frail nerves and unbearable self that I felt trapped in. It was already two years ago, I marvel today.
One short year and what transformation there can be.
That same year of 2008, I went trekking up the Everest Base Camp. The meditation at the monastery and the trekking transformed my life beyond words I can describe. It was gradual but it changed the essence within my hitherto disturbed soul. I am less anxious, less tormented. I cope better with the world, or rather with myself.
That same year after this grand trip, I met the Koran when I got home to Singapore. He told me he was seeing someone and "it was the first time I...", he said.
"that you are serious?" I asked innocently.
He had a taken aback look and said "no, not really." He just didn't know how the long distance thing was going to work out, he said.
Two months later, he got married.
People told me it was pretty much out of the blue. Only eleven months before that, whilst we had our little affair, he wondered if he was ever going to get married.
How things can change in a matter of one year.
Or 52 weeks.
I often think about the Koran in a disturbed sort of way. I recall fondly his spontaneiety to hang out and party- company for that once insomniac in me was hard to come by. Koran helped me recapture one part of my youth during that dark part of my life. I did love holding hands with him and our kisses reminded me of my high school days. He was acually a rather sweet boy.
Oh yes, I digress. I meant to say I think of Koran quite a bit in a disturbed sort of way. I wonder about his vulnerability behind his funny persona. I wonder if he had been affected by my callousness in some way or another...
Last year when I was back home, I texted a long lost friend whom I heard got married (as with many others I caught up with over my high school reunion thanks to Facebook) and told her I heard about the good news and I was back. In the dark light of the disco, I must have accidentally sent to him instead of my friend since their names was next to the other in the alphabetical order of the phone book. I forgot about it.
The next day, I received a nasty text from the Koran at something along the lines:
"Do you not understand English???? Yes, I am a happily married man. Stop contacting me and I don't give a damn that you are back!!!!"
I was on the train when I received this shocker of a text. Strong and harsh message he was trying to get across to me, like I have been stalking him.
What have I done to him for such great spite, I wonder?
So yeah, I do think of him every so often in a strange, disturbed way. If I have ever hurt him with my callousness, I am truly sorry.
I hope he is happy-he seems to be though- his wife looks gorgeous on his Facebook profile and actually, they do make a cute and compatible couple.
I often wonder about him and his strong comeback smses and his hasty marriage.
Is he afraid of loneliness, I wonder?
As with many other people, both male and female I met in my life.
Then I start to wonder about me- am I afraid of loneliness?
Not really, I don't think.
Now that I have overcome my phobia, I just need my own car and I reckon I would be just as happy taking a leisurely drive around Sad Town. A nice book sitting at the cafe with my dog or even without- I would still be contented.
So in a matter of a year, there were a few transformations that took place in our lives. The Koran and I shagged, had some fun, then I got crazy and couldn't bear working in the corporate world any longer, in the meantime, he met someone he fancied getting serious with, I quit my job and went to search for myself in the mountains of Nepal, he got more serious with his girlfriend and his job got busier, then I suddenly had the opportunity to head back to Sad Town to start a restaurant and reunite with DL and then he got happily married and went to the Middle East for work and then I left the restaurant partnership.... whilst all this was going, I was still waiting for my broken heart with the Old Boy to heal, I thought it never would and god knows how many new girls the Old Boy made acquaintances with and shagged, I didn't want to know then... I couldn't bear to know...
(Deep breath out)... it was a full on year-that 2008. In a matter of a year, so much have taken place. I haven't even begin to talk about 2009 and it's already 2010.
Koran has been already married for more than a year. The Old Boy and I are a thing the past (two years). I had gone from a corporate rat wearing rich rags to a daggy housewife to someone running two businesses, trying my darnest to make ends meet with a good honest living.
My oh my, what a difference a year makes.
You should check out the new number of freckles on my nose. Going on 31, I realise that sunscreen is my new, absolute best friend.
I notice that many things can change or eventuate.
The birth of a child is one, then a wedding anouncement, the change of one's heart or you could put on 10 kilos or you could become bankrupt. In some other cases, you become really rich and/or famous.
It is the time of the year that I become yet again aware of my own mortality. Another year of growing older- I turn 31 in less than a week.
I haven't done much thinking lately, simply because I have been way too busy. Doing twelve hour days of physical AND mental work is no joke, I come home feeling drained on a daily basis. I haven't have much of a night, let alone day off for as long as I could remember.
I must have had this blog for a good four years now. It was inspired by a certain Big Boy I once wrote about.
I remember that year quite vividly for a few reasons- it was the year M came to Singapore to visit me and we spent the new year gazing at the fireworks, and Big M came out for a drink (unbeknownst to me, he had some erotic designs on me), left disappointed and then we lost touch, only for me to track him down for work and thereafter he wrote me an email to suggest meeting me in that low cut halter neck lace dress I wore the last time we met. That was more than a year before. Then M left and B and I were out, me masking my sorrow by having a girly night out. I met the Big Boy, we kept in touch, some erotic electronic tennis we played and this blog was born...
Some of you have been following my blog for a long, long time, perhaps since the beginning of it... From 2006 till now, much have changed in my life- it has been a gradual metamorphosis of my disturbed life to something that seemed rather calm or I dare say, dull juncture that I am now in.
Today, I woke up and it dawned on me that I have known the Old Boy for a good three years now. Where was I at in my life 3 years ago, I wonder?
A string of affairs raced through my head like a strip of black and white film unrolling itself. The experiences seemed blurry, even a chore to recall, like I have let go, or rather, too ashamed to remember. My life is now, I feel.
I find myself less excitable these days. Being excitable takes too much out of me. I wonder if I could find myself in an adventurous state ever again or will life be one straight line from hereon?
Two years ago (2008), I was in Hanoi and then I went on to the United States for work. I recalled taking a short jaunt back home to Singapore. By then, the damage had already been done between the Old Boy and I. There was also the Koran on the side. Then there was my frail nerves and unbearable self that I felt trapped in. It was already two years ago, I marvel today.
One short year and what transformation there can be.
That same year of 2008, I went trekking up the Everest Base Camp. The meditation at the monastery and the trekking transformed my life beyond words I can describe. It was gradual but it changed the essence within my hitherto disturbed soul. I am less anxious, less tormented. I cope better with the world, or rather with myself.
That same year after this grand trip, I met the Koran when I got home to Singapore. He told me he was seeing someone and "it was the first time I...", he said.
"that you are serious?" I asked innocently.
He had a taken aback look and said "no, not really." He just didn't know how the long distance thing was going to work out, he said.
Two months later, he got married.
People told me it was pretty much out of the blue. Only eleven months before that, whilst we had our little affair, he wondered if he was ever going to get married.
How things can change in a matter of one year.
Or 52 weeks.
I often think about the Koran in a disturbed sort of way. I recall fondly his spontaneiety to hang out and party- company for that once insomniac in me was hard to come by. Koran helped me recapture one part of my youth during that dark part of my life. I did love holding hands with him and our kisses reminded me of my high school days. He was acually a rather sweet boy.
Oh yes, I digress. I meant to say I think of Koran quite a bit in a disturbed sort of way. I wonder about his vulnerability behind his funny persona. I wonder if he had been affected by my callousness in some way or another...
Last year when I was back home, I texted a long lost friend whom I heard got married (as with many others I caught up with over my high school reunion thanks to Facebook) and told her I heard about the good news and I was back. In the dark light of the disco, I must have accidentally sent to him instead of my friend since their names was next to the other in the alphabetical order of the phone book. I forgot about it.
The next day, I received a nasty text from the Koran at something along the lines:
"Do you not understand English???? Yes, I am a happily married man. Stop contacting me and I don't give a damn that you are back!!!!"
I was on the train when I received this shocker of a text. Strong and harsh message he was trying to get across to me, like I have been stalking him.
What have I done to him for such great spite, I wonder?
So yeah, I do think of him every so often in a strange, disturbed way. If I have ever hurt him with my callousness, I am truly sorry.
I hope he is happy-he seems to be though- his wife looks gorgeous on his Facebook profile and actually, they do make a cute and compatible couple.
I often wonder about him and his strong comeback smses and his hasty marriage.
Is he afraid of loneliness, I wonder?
As with many other people, both male and female I met in my life.
Then I start to wonder about me- am I afraid of loneliness?
Not really, I don't think.
Now that I have overcome my phobia, I just need my own car and I reckon I would be just as happy taking a leisurely drive around Sad Town. A nice book sitting at the cafe with my dog or even without- I would still be contented.
So in a matter of a year, there were a few transformations that took place in our lives. The Koran and I shagged, had some fun, then I got crazy and couldn't bear working in the corporate world any longer, in the meantime, he met someone he fancied getting serious with, I quit my job and went to search for myself in the mountains of Nepal, he got more serious with his girlfriend and his job got busier, then I suddenly had the opportunity to head back to Sad Town to start a restaurant and reunite with DL and then he got happily married and went to the Middle East for work and then I left the restaurant partnership.... whilst all this was going, I was still waiting for my broken heart with the Old Boy to heal, I thought it never would and god knows how many new girls the Old Boy made acquaintances with and shagged, I didn't want to know then... I couldn't bear to know...
(Deep breath out)... it was a full on year-that 2008. In a matter of a year, so much have taken place. I haven't even begin to talk about 2009 and it's already 2010.
Koran has been already married for more than a year. The Old Boy and I are a thing the past (two years). I had gone from a corporate rat wearing rich rags to a daggy housewife to someone running two businesses, trying my darnest to make ends meet with a good honest living.
My oh my, what a difference a year makes.
You should check out the new number of freckles on my nose. Going on 31, I realise that sunscreen is my new, absolute best friend.
