Restructure- on your own terms

Giving up

on life is how I feel like at the moment.

Why can't I lead a normal life?

I get the sense that I have more trials and tribulations in my life enough to last some in a lifetime.

At age 31, I seriously feel like my life is over.

Game over. Literally.

I am tired.

You can do it, Della said. Because you are a strong person.

But I don't want to be a strong person, I told her.

I just want a normal life.

Like a fucking peaceful one not fraud with financial crisises or emotional crises most of the time.

Today, DL insisted I see a doctor, on one of my rare days off.

So we went and I had to enquire discreetly if there is enough money in his bank account for me to see one, bearing in mind it was Saturday plus the number of drugs and ointments the doctor had prescribed for me to buy at the chemist.

I am feeling sick and depressed at the moment.

Just feel like crying out loud.

This week we made around $1600. Most of the money gone to bills, bills and more bills.

So fucking over it.

Thing is I have nowhere to go or to run to.

Gotta face the issue squarely in the face.

Except the issue is money and there is only this much we can bring in at the moment.

Next week is a relatively quiet week. I have got DL to write and follow up with clients for extra services we could offer them. We need to make that budget to pay bills.

Shits me to no end.

I feel like I am losing control.

I am losing patience and I am about to give up.

I can't do this anymore.

I really can't.

Whilst the prospects wait for me to help change their lives (fuck them for not having the finances!), who's going to help turn my fortunes around?

I AM SO FUCKING OVER THEM AND MY LIFE AT THE MOMENT.

SHOW ME THE MONEY BEFORE U COME LOOK ME UP, DUMBASSES!!!!!

URRRRGHHHHH!!!!!!