Wednesday, April 07, 2010
Sad News
I was so broke today. It's not funny.
DL informs me that we haven't got enough to pay for rent plus all the bills due at the end of the week.
I found myself taking a long hot shower and thinking. Thinking.
I remember my very good friend, Goof. He is the only one in Sad Town with savings and a trusted confidante who witnessed my old life in Paris. He is the only one I can barely tear my face down and remotely asked if I could borrow some money. Bearing in mind he is due to go on a big World Cup trip in South Africa that cost him $10k and more, a new girlfriend whom he has been spending shitloads of money and an outstanding amount he had lent to Daisy who takes forever to return. I would be an unexpected financial outlay to him. Goof is a careful man who plans and budgets.
So I sent him a text. Told him I was in dire straits and I seriously don't know who to turn to so I have this massive favour to ask of him. $1200 is the sum (ironically, it used to be what it would have easily cost for my get up to look chic on my nights out).
Within seconds, he replied to my sms. Ok, when would you like it? he asked.
I started crying. I don't know why. I feel so touched and at the same time, embarrassed with myself for being in the state we are in.
I have never felt so low in my life. No matter how broke we are, we always managed to find food on the table and Fluffball always had the best. This week she ran out of her Science Diet canned food. We are too afraid to even buy the usual carton that we typically buy because every cent counts. Literally. She could only have her Royal Canin biscuits for fussy breeds mixed with My Dog gourmet food. No science diet in the mix, definitely no sashimi in her diet. She had lived better days.
"The only happy thing in our lives," DL would declare each day we get home and straight to the Fluffball he would embrace and cradle her in his arms, like a baby.
Indeed, she is the only happy little thing in our lives that gives us this warm fuzzy feeling of home and warmth.
It's hard to describe.
*****
In other news, my heart was shattered 2 days ago when I officially come to the conclusion that my entire collection of fashion creations (some 20 or more pieces of outfit) has gone missing. AWOL.
They are nowhere to be found and last seen in my last last residence and which I thought was stuffed into some old bags and left in a friend's storeroom. Only that we have finally gone to retrieve all our old stuff and not a sight of that bag to be found. Ironically, just that bag.
In such desperate times and with an upcoming opportunity in Sad Town to showcase and sell my fashion creations in a retail shop set up for handmade designers, I am in need of stock. Suddenly, parting with my ware becomes a necessity. Those old stock must be worth a couple of grand, at least.
I try not to dwell to hard because my heart is unable to undergo anymore stress tests. I am careful and mindful that I am not heading into my own state of high anxiety levels. I simply can't allow myself to.
If not, what is left of my fighting spirit?
I am tired of struggling but it seems to be the story of my life.
At age 31, my life feels like a landslide.
I was so broke today. It's not funny.
DL informs me that we haven't got enough to pay for rent plus all the bills due at the end of the week.
I found myself taking a long hot shower and thinking. Thinking.
I remember my very good friend, Goof. He is the only one in Sad Town with savings and a trusted confidante who witnessed my old life in Paris. He is the only one I can barely tear my face down and remotely asked if I could borrow some money. Bearing in mind he is due to go on a big World Cup trip in South Africa that cost him $10k and more, a new girlfriend whom he has been spending shitloads of money and an outstanding amount he had lent to Daisy who takes forever to return. I would be an unexpected financial outlay to him. Goof is a careful man who plans and budgets.
So I sent him a text. Told him I was in dire straits and I seriously don't know who to turn to so I have this massive favour to ask of him. $1200 is the sum (ironically, it used to be what it would have easily cost for my get up to look chic on my nights out).
Within seconds, he replied to my sms. Ok, when would you like it? he asked.
I started crying. I don't know why. I feel so touched and at the same time, embarrassed with myself for being in the state we are in.
I have never felt so low in my life. No matter how broke we are, we always managed to find food on the table and Fluffball always had the best. This week she ran out of her Science Diet canned food. We are too afraid to even buy the usual carton that we typically buy because every cent counts. Literally. She could only have her Royal Canin biscuits for fussy breeds mixed with My Dog gourmet food. No science diet in the mix, definitely no sashimi in her diet. She had lived better days.
"The only happy thing in our lives," DL would declare each day we get home and straight to the Fluffball he would embrace and cradle her in his arms, like a baby.
Indeed, she is the only happy little thing in our lives that gives us this warm fuzzy feeling of home and warmth.
It's hard to describe.
*****
In other news, my heart was shattered 2 days ago when I officially come to the conclusion that my entire collection of fashion creations (some 20 or more pieces of outfit) has gone missing. AWOL.
They are nowhere to be found and last seen in my last last residence and which I thought was stuffed into some old bags and left in a friend's storeroom. Only that we have finally gone to retrieve all our old stuff and not a sight of that bag to be found. Ironically, just that bag.
In such desperate times and with an upcoming opportunity in Sad Town to showcase and sell my fashion creations in a retail shop set up for handmade designers, I am in need of stock. Suddenly, parting with my ware becomes a necessity. Those old stock must be worth a couple of grand, at least.
I try not to dwell to hard because my heart is unable to undergo anymore stress tests. I am careful and mindful that I am not heading into my own state of high anxiety levels. I simply can't allow myself to.
If not, what is left of my fighting spirit?
I am tired of struggling but it seems to be the story of my life.
At age 31, my life feels like a landslide.
