Wednesday, July 21, 2010
You know your Heart never lies...
when you feel that quick pulsate of your heart, that sweet lump in your throat as you swallow your saliva the upmteeth time as you try to contain that adrenalin rush that keeps your excitment running sky high...
You feel like you have just chanced upon the best kept secret of the world and that you need to share to someone QUICKLY except you don't know who because no one would ever share your elation except yourself.
You have a Eureka moment! Your thoughts racing a zillion miles a second!
You feel the slight nervousness of your compulsion as you attempted to draw out your nearly maxed out credit cards from the wallet and do a quick swipe, cash in on your euphoria and conquer your love there and then! Except you reach for your pocket and your wallet is nowhere to be found. You haven't got your handbag with you and haven't need to carry it for the longest while. You just remembered you haven't got money or credit...
Yes, that is me.
Fashion books have a way of capturing my imagination and excitment. So have fabrics and vintage fashion.
These days, I avoid looking at things too carefully as I wander through the malls. You see, I have a great imagination and draw inspiration to design a fashion piece faster (or a million times faster!) than I close a sale.
Ironically, they have always been a motivation to my desire to make shitloads of money. Well, simply because I could never afford to design and put together my fashion collection without a good amount of capital.
So today, DL and I had a day off (for the first time in yonks plus on a weekday which is a luxury] and were in a great mood. Our compliance meeting in the morning turned out great so we temporarily suspended our anxiety for our business and the day turned into a positive day.
We went to the mall. As usual, DL headed straight to Borders to check out car magazines and cookbooks. My first stop was to Spotlight. I have a habit of heading straight for the fabric section as I trawled through bales and bales of fabric, my hand running softly past them to feel their texture, followed by lace and trimmings. DL had asked me to take his wallet with me just in case I might chance upon something (which is very often) that I want to buy. I made the wiser decision of declining and promised him that I am just looking. Thankfully, nothing caught my eye.
Next stop, I headed for Dymocks Book Store. As a creature of habit, I would dive straight into the aisle that reads "Fashion". I squatted by the aisle (since "my" books were found at the bottom shelf) like a squatter and had an eye and mind feast on a myriad of fashion books covering illustration, design, patterns, inspiration, photography and sustainability.
I felt my pulse racing, my heart drumming and a thousand thoughts, words and ideas flashing past my head. I found my playground once again. I actually felt alive.
There began my compulsion, except I haven't got any money on me. I couldn't get my fix.
*****
A couple of weeks ago, DL and I were wandering in another Factory Outlet designer mall. We had an early day and by afternoon, had some time to kill.
In our blue collar workwear, I wandered into my favourite shop-Alannah Hill. I couldn't take my eyes and hands off the softness of rabbit fur handbags,racks of hand beaded dresses and shrugs, silk blouses, angora knits and bejewelled belts.As you know, I am a sucker for hand sewn embellishments (as often found in my own designs), natural and luxe fabris and real fur (which puts me in a dilemma with my humanitarian aspirations and Buddhist beliefs. Vintage, yes wearing vintage real fur is my current solution until I can find a better one!).Again, I felt that lump in my throat, quickened heartbeat and the need to conquer the world (and the entire shop there and then).
Naturally, no one served a dag like me. I wasn't in a mood to try anything on either-no money, feeling fat and daggy and no occasion to wear. So I was able to part exercise some self control thanks to my NOT dressing for the right occasion and hence NOT feeling like I should conquer the world in such a state.
Truth is even with these bargain past season collection, assuming all my desired items fit me to a tee and I must absolutely have each and everyone of them (which I will not compromise), I would probably still need to bomb at least two grand in that shop. Two grand, at the moment is something I haven't got.
I left the store still continue feeling the stirrings of excitement and strangely, I haven't quite felt like this about clothes for as long as I could remember. For more than a week, that feeling didn't leave me (I still feel its stirrings now)or wean off. I found a re-newed passion and motivation once more- I will close that sale, make some money, treat myself to a few items, fly home for my best friend's wedding and be back on the social scene wearing fabulous clothes as I have always been. I belong there.
For a long time with the problems in our lives, I have stopped dreaming, stopped having passion (in all aspects) and stopped thinking.
Time to get back in action.
It's a nice feeling, to feel excitement and anticipation that I am currently experiencing. That feeling so precariously balanced with caution for over optimism to remind me that the supposedly no brainer sale that I should have closed last week could (and seems) most likely to go under the table yet again. Another reminder that many things are not beyond my control.
Anyways, enough of sinking to dark, cloudy thoughts!
I want to hold on to this exciting feeling for the moment.
Time to head back to the drawing room and sketch. Ciao!:)
when you feel that quick pulsate of your heart, that sweet lump in your throat as you swallow your saliva the upmteeth time as you try to contain that adrenalin rush that keeps your excitment running sky high...
You feel like you have just chanced upon the best kept secret of the world and that you need to share to someone QUICKLY except you don't know who because no one would ever share your elation except yourself.
You have a Eureka moment! Your thoughts racing a zillion miles a second!
You feel the slight nervousness of your compulsion as you attempted to draw out your nearly maxed out credit cards from the wallet and do a quick swipe, cash in on your euphoria and conquer your love there and then! Except you reach for your pocket and your wallet is nowhere to be found. You haven't got your handbag with you and haven't need to carry it for the longest while. You just remembered you haven't got money or credit...
Yes, that is me.
Fashion books have a way of capturing my imagination and excitment. So have fabrics and vintage fashion.
These days, I avoid looking at things too carefully as I wander through the malls. You see, I have a great imagination and draw inspiration to design a fashion piece faster (or a million times faster!) than I close a sale.
Ironically, they have always been a motivation to my desire to make shitloads of money. Well, simply because I could never afford to design and put together my fashion collection without a good amount of capital.
So today, DL and I had a day off (for the first time in yonks plus on a weekday which is a luxury] and were in a great mood. Our compliance meeting in the morning turned out great so we temporarily suspended our anxiety for our business and the day turned into a positive day.
We went to the mall. As usual, DL headed straight to Borders to check out car magazines and cookbooks. My first stop was to Spotlight. I have a habit of heading straight for the fabric section as I trawled through bales and bales of fabric, my hand running softly past them to feel their texture, followed by lace and trimmings. DL had asked me to take his wallet with me just in case I might chance upon something (which is very often) that I want to buy. I made the wiser decision of declining and promised him that I am just looking. Thankfully, nothing caught my eye.
Next stop, I headed for Dymocks Book Store. As a creature of habit, I would dive straight into the aisle that reads "Fashion". I squatted by the aisle (since "my" books were found at the bottom shelf) like a squatter and had an eye and mind feast on a myriad of fashion books covering illustration, design, patterns, inspiration, photography and sustainability.
I felt my pulse racing, my heart drumming and a thousand thoughts, words and ideas flashing past my head. I found my playground once again. I actually felt alive.
There began my compulsion, except I haven't got any money on me. I couldn't get my fix.
*****
A couple of weeks ago, DL and I were wandering in another Factory Outlet designer mall. We had an early day and by afternoon, had some time to kill.
In our blue collar workwear, I wandered into my favourite shop-Alannah Hill. I couldn't take my eyes and hands off the softness of rabbit fur handbags,racks of hand beaded dresses and shrugs, silk blouses, angora knits and bejewelled belts.As you know, I am a sucker for hand sewn embellishments (as often found in my own designs), natural and luxe fabris and real fur (which puts me in a dilemma with my humanitarian aspirations and Buddhist beliefs. Vintage, yes wearing vintage real fur is my current solution until I can find a better one!).Again, I felt that lump in my throat, quickened heartbeat and the need to conquer the world (and the entire shop there and then).
Naturally, no one served a dag like me. I wasn't in a mood to try anything on either-no money, feeling fat and daggy and no occasion to wear. So I was able to part exercise some self control thanks to my NOT dressing for the right occasion and hence NOT feeling like I should conquer the world in such a state.
Truth is even with these bargain past season collection, assuming all my desired items fit me to a tee and I must absolutely have each and everyone of them (which I will not compromise), I would probably still need to bomb at least two grand in that shop. Two grand, at the moment is something I haven't got.
I left the store still continue feeling the stirrings of excitement and strangely, I haven't quite felt like this about clothes for as long as I could remember. For more than a week, that feeling didn't leave me (I still feel its stirrings now)or wean off. I found a re-newed passion and motivation once more- I will close that sale, make some money, treat myself to a few items, fly home for my best friend's wedding and be back on the social scene wearing fabulous clothes as I have always been. I belong there.
For a long time with the problems in our lives, I have stopped dreaming, stopped having passion (in all aspects) and stopped thinking.
Time to get back in action.
It's a nice feeling, to feel excitement and anticipation that I am currently experiencing. That feeling so precariously balanced with caution for over optimism to remind me that the supposedly no brainer sale that I should have closed last week could (and seems) most likely to go under the table yet again. Another reminder that many things are not beyond my control.
Anyways, enough of sinking to dark, cloudy thoughts!
I want to hold on to this exciting feeling for the moment.
Time to head back to the drawing room and sketch. Ciao!:)
