Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Knitted Brows
Today, I woke up feeling that I don't know what to feel.
I feel a slight anxiety brewing beneath my seemingly calm composure.
My business is up in the air- to leave or not to leave?
A big part of me know the answer and points to the former. So what is stopping me?
I woke up feeling like I was transported to another dimension whilst I was asleep.
I recalled what seemed like a dream of Mr. London. I haven't give this person much thought at all. Here he was appearing in the dream. I think we kissed. I was lying on the bed and he was on top of me. We didn't talk and we stopped at the point where we should have proceeded on to do the real thing. But we just stopped and then we moved on in an abstract way. I mean I don't recall a parting shot but simply a feeling that we just moved on very naturally as with the rhythm of life...
This morning, when I recalled about Mr. London, I was reminded of the Dope.The essence of Mr. London in the dream could well be Dope. We have been in touch on sms and the sexual innuendos on sms have petered out but still we talk...
****
Last Friday, Soci had his farewell as he had taken a break from uni and was returning home.
I went to his room and we smoked up.
I hadn't smoked weed in years. The smell of it was pleasantly familiar. I examined the buds put in a mini ziplock bag and smelled it. It was no where near as "fragrant" as the ones we used to have in Paris smuggled from Amsterdam.
Soci and I were having this great conversation about the Law of Attraction. At some stage, I was getting higher and higher and I was reminded of fun times in Paris and then all the great late night conversations I had with V. I suddenly wished she was here smoking up with Soci and I. After all, we are of the kindred spirit. Well put Soci, the Philosopher and V, the Sociologist together, plus me a dilettante and we would have a great conversation and a great night.
*****
A few weeks ago, I met Soci for the first time in yonks... He was severely depressed but thankfully, decided to come out of his shell.
It has been a long year for me and it had been an emotionally tough time for him.
But we hung out and talked till the wee hours of the morning like never before.
What happen to that feeling of youth again? we asked.
He was getting better as we talked through the night.
Somehow Mr. London was brought into the conversation.
Coincidentally, Soci knows Mr. London back home. Soci told me Mr. London seemed jaded by Singaporean girls, he once mentioned in passing.
Anyhow, we were back to the topic of first love.
Mr. London was my first obsession- 8 years. I don't know how I managed to like someone for so long I told him. Our lives was one big coincidence and then I couldn't let go of his memory.
Anyways, the moment has passed.
Soci, as emotional as he was said- why did you not go online the next day the same time after Mr London told you he would be (when Mr L and I had this 6 hr conversation online on 2 diff time zones) many moons ago? He must have liked you since he asked for your photo!!!
I didn't want to disappoint myself I told Soci.
Then there was that meeting in Paris and walking along the Champs Elysee that amounted to nothing...
Ah well, c'est la vie.
I don't know where this post is heading... my thoughts and feelings are jumbled at the moment...
Oh, one more thing. Strangely positive things have been happening yesterday.
I got called for a job interview that I wanted. So far two out of the three jobs that I really wanted are interested in my background.
Then I received 2 unexpected calls from Singapore and one Facebook message from friends who cared but I wasn't expecting. One was Soci and the other was Bella. Bella told me she had been telling Shania on Sunday that she wanted to ring me. Shania had also written to me to see if I wanted to go to Taipei with her. I have known the girls since I was thirteen, It was super strange. I mean, no one ever rings me these days, perhaps B occasionally.
It's nice to know my old friends are still there for me. Funny, I have been away from home much longer now than the time I knew them when I was living in Singapore.
Anyhow, my attention span is short today.
Will write more coherently the next time...
Today, I woke up feeling that I don't know what to feel.
I feel a slight anxiety brewing beneath my seemingly calm composure.
My business is up in the air- to leave or not to leave?
A big part of me know the answer and points to the former. So what is stopping me?
I woke up feeling like I was transported to another dimension whilst I was asleep.
I recalled what seemed like a dream of Mr. London. I haven't give this person much thought at all. Here he was appearing in the dream. I think we kissed. I was lying on the bed and he was on top of me. We didn't talk and we stopped at the point where we should have proceeded on to do the real thing. But we just stopped and then we moved on in an abstract way. I mean I don't recall a parting shot but simply a feeling that we just moved on very naturally as with the rhythm of life...
This morning, when I recalled about Mr. London, I was reminded of the Dope.The essence of Mr. London in the dream could well be Dope. We have been in touch on sms and the sexual innuendos on sms have petered out but still we talk...
****
Last Friday, Soci had his farewell as he had taken a break from uni and was returning home.
I went to his room and we smoked up.
I hadn't smoked weed in years. The smell of it was pleasantly familiar. I examined the buds put in a mini ziplock bag and smelled it. It was no where near as "fragrant" as the ones we used to have in Paris smuggled from Amsterdam.
Soci and I were having this great conversation about the Law of Attraction. At some stage, I was getting higher and higher and I was reminded of fun times in Paris and then all the great late night conversations I had with V. I suddenly wished she was here smoking up with Soci and I. After all, we are of the kindred spirit. Well put Soci, the Philosopher and V, the Sociologist together, plus me a dilettante and we would have a great conversation and a great night.
*****
A few weeks ago, I met Soci for the first time in yonks... He was severely depressed but thankfully, decided to come out of his shell.
It has been a long year for me and it had been an emotionally tough time for him.
But we hung out and talked till the wee hours of the morning like never before.
What happen to that feeling of youth again? we asked.
He was getting better as we talked through the night.
Somehow Mr. London was brought into the conversation.
Coincidentally, Soci knows Mr. London back home. Soci told me Mr. London seemed jaded by Singaporean girls, he once mentioned in passing.
Anyhow, we were back to the topic of first love.
Mr. London was my first obsession- 8 years. I don't know how I managed to like someone for so long I told him. Our lives was one big coincidence and then I couldn't let go of his memory.
Anyways, the moment has passed.
Soci, as emotional as he was said- why did you not go online the next day the same time after Mr London told you he would be (when Mr L and I had this 6 hr conversation online on 2 diff time zones) many moons ago? He must have liked you since he asked for your photo!!!
I didn't want to disappoint myself I told Soci.
Then there was that meeting in Paris and walking along the Champs Elysee that amounted to nothing...
Ah well, c'est la vie.
I don't know where this post is heading... my thoughts and feelings are jumbled at the moment...
Oh, one more thing. Strangely positive things have been happening yesterday.
I got called for a job interview that I wanted. So far two out of the three jobs that I really wanted are interested in my background.
Then I received 2 unexpected calls from Singapore and one Facebook message from friends who cared but I wasn't expecting. One was Soci and the other was Bella. Bella told me she had been telling Shania on Sunday that she wanted to ring me. Shania had also written to me to see if I wanted to go to Taipei with her. I have known the girls since I was thirteen, It was super strange. I mean, no one ever rings me these days, perhaps B occasionally.
It's nice to know my old friends are still there for me. Funny, I have been away from home much longer now than the time I knew them when I was living in Singapore.
Anyhow, my attention span is short today.
Will write more coherently the next time...
