Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Late in the night...
where here I am sitting on my couch, my laptop on my lap.
I feel a deep anxiety arising like my days in Sydney.
I don't fancy going to work the next day.
I have been falling sick for quite a bit and judging from me being at work for only 7 months, I have taken sick leave for at least 4 days.
The anxiety is unbearable and I feel trapped again once more.
Trapped,stifled, restless and wanting to break free.
This is how I feel NOW.
I fear the dawn of a new work day.
The anxiety is more delibitating than the time I was trapped in my financial woes from a failing business.
I can't explain why although it is illogical.
At least, I did not experience that feeling-like-a-train-wreck anxiety that I feel at the moment.
Tomorrow is the day that never ends where we are made to work for a good 11 hours with no extra pay of course. Doesn't help that the boss is in town to talk about targets and reviews.
With or without the boss, life as a salaried employee sucks for me. I live for the weekends.
Life shouldn't be all about weekends, shouldn't it? I long for the day where everyday is going to be a GREAT day and I know what a GREAT day looks like for me.
I wake up, walk my dog, jump straight into work of the creative sort in my PJs. I never have to leave my home unless I feel like it. I play music as I work and sometimes I work in solitude with my dog at my feet. I stop to take a break whenever I want or not. I throw myself into what I love- I breathe and live my work. Work becomes play. Play becomes work.
Once upon a time when I was dealing with my failing business, I did a lot of that when I wasn't out doing presentations. And I liked that bit about my life. Yes, I did work round the clock but I still had some control over my mobility. I wore a uniform too in that business so I never had to worry about what to wear to work because I am a lazy dresser. I don't see the need to dress unless I am socialising. I hate all outfits relating to office work. That isn't my true style and I loathe the thought that my wadrobe is filled out with oufits that isn't true to my individualism and choking up my limited storage space.
So there...
Am feeling a little repressed for a while and since I have been a recluse for a long while, I have even lost my writing voice and have accumulated this inertia to write and vent.
I figured I must as well download it here on the blog in one breath in this small window of opportunity which I can so much move my fingers a bit longer to type.
Do drop me a line or two you all, it can be quite lonely here in Sad Town (am down to 2 friends whom I hardly meet)...
where here I am sitting on my couch, my laptop on my lap.
I feel a deep anxiety arising like my days in Sydney.
I don't fancy going to work the next day.
I have been falling sick for quite a bit and judging from me being at work for only 7 months, I have taken sick leave for at least 4 days.
The anxiety is unbearable and I feel trapped again once more.
Trapped,stifled, restless and wanting to break free.
This is how I feel NOW.
I fear the dawn of a new work day.
The anxiety is more delibitating than the time I was trapped in my financial woes from a failing business.
I can't explain why although it is illogical.
At least, I did not experience that feeling-like-a-train-wreck anxiety that I feel at the moment.
Tomorrow is the day that never ends where we are made to work for a good 11 hours with no extra pay of course. Doesn't help that the boss is in town to talk about targets and reviews.
With or without the boss, life as a salaried employee sucks for me. I live for the weekends.
Life shouldn't be all about weekends, shouldn't it? I long for the day where everyday is going to be a GREAT day and I know what a GREAT day looks like for me.
I wake up, walk my dog, jump straight into work of the creative sort in my PJs. I never have to leave my home unless I feel like it. I play music as I work and sometimes I work in solitude with my dog at my feet. I stop to take a break whenever I want or not. I throw myself into what I love- I breathe and live my work. Work becomes play. Play becomes work.
Once upon a time when I was dealing with my failing business, I did a lot of that when I wasn't out doing presentations. And I liked that bit about my life. Yes, I did work round the clock but I still had some control over my mobility. I wore a uniform too in that business so I never had to worry about what to wear to work because I am a lazy dresser. I don't see the need to dress unless I am socialising. I hate all outfits relating to office work. That isn't my true style and I loathe the thought that my wadrobe is filled out with oufits that isn't true to my individualism and choking up my limited storage space.
So there...
Am feeling a little repressed for a while and since I have been a recluse for a long while, I have even lost my writing voice and have accumulated this inertia to write and vent.
I figured I must as well download it here on the blog in one breath in this small window of opportunity which I can so much move my fingers a bit longer to type.
Do drop me a line or two you all, it can be quite lonely here in Sad Town (am down to 2 friends whom I hardly meet)...
