Wednesday, January 02, 2013
2004
So just moments before, I was in my relatively empty garage post DL's departure looking through boxes of my books as I was searching for a journel and I chanced upon a Miffy the Bunny card stucked in The 7 Habits Journal by Stephen R. Covey. No, this wasn't the journal I was looking for.
The card has two Miffy bunnies- a boy and a girl on skates. How apt, I thought since it was during our rollerblading sessions as friends that we got closer and led us to our relationship. I opened the card and it read like this (my handwriting still look very much the same):
DEAR DARLING,
Reckon this Valentine's Day/ 31/2-year-anniversary present has arrived a little too late. Nonetheless, here it is...
Over the past few years or so, we have braved many a turbulence together in our relationship, often sharing more bad times than good times together. But I reckom this is what holds our relationship together and I hope with time, we can brave all the storms and tests together that may be ahead of us.
For the past six months, mistakes were made in this relationship, pretty poisonous ones in fact that is enough to break us up. But still, we've weathered the storms. Upon introspection, I notice that we haven't ben putting the whole relationship in perspective as the weariness that has been plaguing our lives has bogged us down. We need to find the committment and bring the magic back to us and make the relationship alive again.
So I hope all is not lost after the battle/challenges that we have fought to remain being together. I want to seize the opporutnity to renew my faith in our relationship and work towards a fruitful future. I hope you will feel the same way too...
Given my current new-found national status (hee, hee :) ) and the excitment and hope I have for myself (with regards to Paris & the opportunities ahead) and you having graduated and possibly finding a real estate job, I must say that the relationship is now entering into another realm of challenge. Wit this new leash of life and hope awaiting us, I hope we can keep the faith together and work towards a greater partnership.
With that said, I hope we can start improving on our commitment to each other via quality communication I have taken the first step to pen down my thoughts in our communal journal and I am waiting for you to also start dropping a few lines.
I have chosen the "7 Habits Journal" as a choice of my gift for you cos I want you to first start communicating your thought and fear into this journal if you feel uncomfortable talking to me. And perhaps this is the best way to kickstart you into communicating effectively with yourself and then with me.
The little quotations found in the journal are some useful food for thought and I hope you may be able to apply them into your daily life.
So let's make the commitment and start our relationship all over again. Things can be this simple if we want it to be and perhaps that's the best way to put our relationship into perspective.
I love you very much and I want you to know that I love you enough enough to want to undo the wrong that we have done to each other by taking the first step to say to you that "yes, we will start our lives all over again". Hopefully, you will feel the same way too. :)
Love,
Ah P
25/2/04
*****
Thereafter in European summer of 2004, my string of affairs and infidelity started. I was that sad, fallen and broken person- a person fallen from grace to the point of no return. I indulged in futile affairs, "loved" others and hurt myself in a vicious cycle, simply to run away from the deep seated sadness and vulnerability I felt for my weary relationship with DL.
Nearly 9 years on, why do the feelings and nuances of the above message still feel so familiar and very much the same?
It felt like our lives have stopped in time and re-reading and typing the last paragraph still made my eyes wet.
Nothing fundamental between us have changed. We merely grow older, heavier in our hearts, less trusting of the other and less hopeful of where our joint future lie. Somewhere between still loving the other and sharing the cold comfort of each other's presence, we persisted almost dutifully in our joint arrangement until something gave. In this case, it was the entrance of a stranger named Gem whom I am beginning to suspect Someone Up There sent me as a one -off to thwart our relationship because He/She couldn't bear any longer to see where this long drawn out almost painful-to-watch saga was heading and it was His/Her way to give us that lease of fresh air that is much needed to clear our minds and to allow a chance at living a peaceful and contented life.
*****
The 7 Habits Journal was never written in. It looks as new as the day I bought it for DL.
Perhaps if we had started communicating in it and filled it with words of how we felt , the story of my 2013 would tell a very different tale and this blog would never have existed....
The card has two Miffy bunnies- a boy and a girl on skates. How apt, I thought since it was during our rollerblading sessions as friends that we got closer and led us to our relationship. I opened the card and it read like this (my handwriting still look very much the same):
DEAR DARLING,
Reckon this Valentine's Day/ 31/2-year-anniversary present has arrived a little too late. Nonetheless, here it is...
Over the past few years or so, we have braved many a turbulence together in our relationship, often sharing more bad times than good times together. But I reckom this is what holds our relationship together and I hope with time, we can brave all the storms and tests together that may be ahead of us.
For the past six months, mistakes were made in this relationship, pretty poisonous ones in fact that is enough to break us up. But still, we've weathered the storms. Upon introspection, I notice that we haven't ben putting the whole relationship in perspective as the weariness that has been plaguing our lives has bogged us down. We need to find the committment and bring the magic back to us and make the relationship alive again.
So I hope all is not lost after the battle/challenges that we have fought to remain being together. I want to seize the opporutnity to renew my faith in our relationship and work towards a fruitful future. I hope you will feel the same way too...
Given my current new-found national status (hee, hee :) ) and the excitment and hope I have for myself (with regards to Paris & the opportunities ahead) and you having graduated and possibly finding a real estate job, I must say that the relationship is now entering into another realm of challenge. Wit this new leash of life and hope awaiting us, I hope we can keep the faith together and work towards a greater partnership.
With that said, I hope we can start improving on our commitment to each other via quality communication I have taken the first step to pen down my thoughts in our communal journal and I am waiting for you to also start dropping a few lines.
I have chosen the "7 Habits Journal" as a choice of my gift for you cos I want you to first start communicating your thought and fear into this journal if you feel uncomfortable talking to me. And perhaps this is the best way to kickstart you into communicating effectively with yourself and then with me.
The little quotations found in the journal are some useful food for thought and I hope you may be able to apply them into your daily life.
So let's make the commitment and start our relationship all over again. Things can be this simple if we want it to be and perhaps that's the best way to put our relationship into perspective.
I love you very much and I want you to know that I love you enough enough to want to undo the wrong that we have done to each other by taking the first step to say to you that "yes, we will start our lives all over again". Hopefully, you will feel the same way too. :)
Love,
Ah P
25/2/04
*****
Thereafter in European summer of 2004, my string of affairs and infidelity started. I was that sad, fallen and broken person- a person fallen from grace to the point of no return. I indulged in futile affairs, "loved" others and hurt myself in a vicious cycle, simply to run away from the deep seated sadness and vulnerability I felt for my weary relationship with DL.
Nearly 9 years on, why do the feelings and nuances of the above message still feel so familiar and very much the same?
It felt like our lives have stopped in time and re-reading and typing the last paragraph still made my eyes wet.
Nothing fundamental between us have changed. We merely grow older, heavier in our hearts, less trusting of the other and less hopeful of where our joint future lie. Somewhere between still loving the other and sharing the cold comfort of each other's presence, we persisted almost dutifully in our joint arrangement until something gave. In this case, it was the entrance of a stranger named Gem whom I am beginning to suspect Someone Up There sent me as a one -off to thwart our relationship because He/She couldn't bear any longer to see where this long drawn out almost painful-to-watch saga was heading and it was His/Her way to give us that lease of fresh air that is much needed to clear our minds and to allow a chance at living a peaceful and contented life.
*****
The 7 Habits Journal was never written in. It looks as new as the day I bought it for DL.
Perhaps if we had started communicating in it and filled it with words of how we felt , the story of my 2013 would tell a very different tale and this blog would never have existed....
