Sunday, April 14, 2013
Contemplation on a Sunday Night.
I wonder how long my life is going to be like this...
Recluse and feeling somewhat alone.
I don't mind it so much if only I have all the disposable income in the world. On most days I wish I could just continue hiding in this tiny cocoon I call my home, not worrying about doing the mundane things in life like work, whilst I spend the remaining time of my early waking hours and after work houring caring for yet another of my sick dog, Rusty.
The Fluffball passed away almost two years now from late stage renal failure.
Yet again, I am faced with the same situation with my other rescued dog, Rusty. She passed what must be her 11th or 12th (or more) birthday on Tuesday. I didn't think she was going to make it. I was so grateful to the Universe.
With a worsening heart murmur, kidney disease and liver changes, I am living the same nightmare I had with the Fluffball all over again. I wake up early and sleep late syringing different types of herbal medicines and fluids in to her mouth and giving her hydrotherapies and taking her out for short, baby walks, with medicine buddha prayers playing in the background. She hasn't drank on her own for what must be two weeks now. Whenever she takes the initiative to eat ever so little, I am over the moon but I wonder when will be her next willing meal...
I am beginning to think I have a vortex to "attracting" old and sick rescued dogs, despite the best prevention I could provide with top quality nutrition. I start wondering where I have gone wrong or what else could I have done better for my beloved pets. They mean the world to me. I don't think I have ever loved so selflessly.
At the moment, there are lots happening in my personal life. Funnily enough, even without a social life and being on my own for the most part, so much can still be happening. I found a change within me and I am slowly uncovering the change and my life circumstances and I suspect my sick dogs had meant to lead me to what I had always aspire to do as a child but don't know how in my growing pragmatic mind. I suspect I am meant to do healing work for animals, particularly dogs (as an Australian clairvoyant once said I had the gift of healing and understanding religious texts such as the I-ching quite easily because I was a holy person in my previous life. When I was in Nepal, a Tibetan Lama told me I was a Tibetan nun in my previous life and I would need to liberate animals to accumulate merit for the good health and longevity of my parents. I walked on the streets and found a man selling birds and bought quite a number of them who travelled with my tour guide and chauffer all the way to Narkagot in our car where I released it to the beautiful and serene wilderness of the highlands).
Healing and medicine seems to run in my family. My siblings being in the medical profession. My father, who is a man who loves to learn has always found himself finding holistic ways for healing through learning more about traditional Chinese medicine and other such modalities. It was something I believed in since I was a child except my mind was too lazy or not curious enough to find out more until I had my dogs. It has definitely changed my life and my recent growing interest in holistic medicine had led me to explore different avenues of study in Western or Chinese Herbal Medicine to perhaps complement the older sibling's likelihood to set up her own medical pracitce in the near future. Except I wasn't sure if it was humans I wanted to deal with.
So a few weeks ago, I began to dig deeper in my quest to seek help for my ailing dog and I guess, subconsciously to find myself again through learning and studying (which again, strong academics run in the blood of my family). And voila, I found EXACTLY what I was looking for. A Diploma in Small Animal Naturopathy and another course in Small Animal Homeopathy. Since then, I greet my day with an unspoken excitement, adrenalin pumping through my veins to aim for that course as the goal. In the meantime, I had to push myself hard to healing my dog and so each long drawn out syringing session with Rusty, I embrace it with positivity as a challenge of my ability to heal.
At the moment, work is becoming unbearable due to some unreasonable demands and I am beginning to think it no longer serves me with the original reason of having work-life balance in compromise to working for a much lower pay job. As a business minded person, the numbers just don't add up now given the unrealistic demands of putting more unpaid time into work, cutting on casual staff hours and pressure to hold charity event ("your own charity" said the management, except the big spenders are not in charities I feel for so I am conducting after-hour charity events really to bring in the dollars for the company!) more after hours on my own unpaid time. I reckon, emotionally I am ready to move on. So I guess it is time I get back in the real working world. Suddenly, donning a corporate suit back on (though it looks like I need to expend more $ buying some, having dumped most of my expensive suits in the charity bins) isn't so daunting after all, knowing I could start making some real money and saving for the Animal Naturopathy course and do it.
Who knows, in a few years' time, the world could well be my oyster.
Recluse and feeling somewhat alone.
I don't mind it so much if only I have all the disposable income in the world. On most days I wish I could just continue hiding in this tiny cocoon I call my home, not worrying about doing the mundane things in life like work, whilst I spend the remaining time of my early waking hours and after work houring caring for yet another of my sick dog, Rusty.
The Fluffball passed away almost two years now from late stage renal failure.
Yet again, I am faced with the same situation with my other rescued dog, Rusty. She passed what must be her 11th or 12th (or more) birthday on Tuesday. I didn't think she was going to make it. I was so grateful to the Universe.
With a worsening heart murmur, kidney disease and liver changes, I am living the same nightmare I had with the Fluffball all over again. I wake up early and sleep late syringing different types of herbal medicines and fluids in to her mouth and giving her hydrotherapies and taking her out for short, baby walks, with medicine buddha prayers playing in the background. She hasn't drank on her own for what must be two weeks now. Whenever she takes the initiative to eat ever so little, I am over the moon but I wonder when will be her next willing meal...
I am beginning to think I have a vortex to "attracting" old and sick rescued dogs, despite the best prevention I could provide with top quality nutrition. I start wondering where I have gone wrong or what else could I have done better for my beloved pets. They mean the world to me. I don't think I have ever loved so selflessly.
At the moment, there are lots happening in my personal life. Funnily enough, even without a social life and being on my own for the most part, so much can still be happening. I found a change within me and I am slowly uncovering the change and my life circumstances and I suspect my sick dogs had meant to lead me to what I had always aspire to do as a child but don't know how in my growing pragmatic mind. I suspect I am meant to do healing work for animals, particularly dogs (as an Australian clairvoyant once said I had the gift of healing and understanding religious texts such as the I-ching quite easily because I was a holy person in my previous life. When I was in Nepal, a Tibetan Lama told me I was a Tibetan nun in my previous life and I would need to liberate animals to accumulate merit for the good health and longevity of my parents. I walked on the streets and found a man selling birds and bought quite a number of them who travelled with my tour guide and chauffer all the way to Narkagot in our car where I released it to the beautiful and serene wilderness of the highlands).
Healing and medicine seems to run in my family. My siblings being in the medical profession. My father, who is a man who loves to learn has always found himself finding holistic ways for healing through learning more about traditional Chinese medicine and other such modalities. It was something I believed in since I was a child except my mind was too lazy or not curious enough to find out more until I had my dogs. It has definitely changed my life and my recent growing interest in holistic medicine had led me to explore different avenues of study in Western or Chinese Herbal Medicine to perhaps complement the older sibling's likelihood to set up her own medical pracitce in the near future. Except I wasn't sure if it was humans I wanted to deal with.
So a few weeks ago, I began to dig deeper in my quest to seek help for my ailing dog and I guess, subconsciously to find myself again through learning and studying (which again, strong academics run in the blood of my family). And voila, I found EXACTLY what I was looking for. A Diploma in Small Animal Naturopathy and another course in Small Animal Homeopathy. Since then, I greet my day with an unspoken excitement, adrenalin pumping through my veins to aim for that course as the goal. In the meantime, I had to push myself hard to healing my dog and so each long drawn out syringing session with Rusty, I embrace it with positivity as a challenge of my ability to heal.
At the moment, work is becoming unbearable due to some unreasonable demands and I am beginning to think it no longer serves me with the original reason of having work-life balance in compromise to working for a much lower pay job. As a business minded person, the numbers just don't add up now given the unrealistic demands of putting more unpaid time into work, cutting on casual staff hours and pressure to hold charity event ("your own charity" said the management, except the big spenders are not in charities I feel for so I am conducting after-hour charity events really to bring in the dollars for the company!) more after hours on my own unpaid time. I reckon, emotionally I am ready to move on. So I guess it is time I get back in the real working world. Suddenly, donning a corporate suit back on (though it looks like I need to expend more $ buying some, having dumped most of my expensive suits in the charity bins) isn't so daunting after all, knowing I could start making some real money and saving for the Animal Naturopathy course and do it.
Who knows, in a few years' time, the world could well be my oyster.
