Restructure- on your own terms

My restless mind remembers that night. You were sweet and your kisses affectionate. And I didn't quite see it coming.

I do wish I could know you a little better. It is rather challenging being in different countries ( and believe me, I did contemplated about moving back home in my trip before the last to perhaps know you better & a nice career awaiting me at home. But I couldn't justify doing it just for you & it would be just that, especially when you didnt seem all that keen with my homecoming. So i have decided to stay put & do it tough here in Sad Town & lead a life I know better where I had spent my adult years). Like you, I have a rather vulnerable ego in the heart department so I had to be careful not to let my heart rule my head and end up with a huge disappointment- i won't be able to forgive myself if I had made a wrong move, uprooting myself and my life. You have rocked my boat- not sure if I could stomach you rocking my life.  When I was back home, I hardly got to see you.. The unanswered text and Facebook messages... I have long suspected it was all very deliberate...

I thought I saw you looking at me with some intent that night we did meet amongst other people. If your eyes meant to speak to me, I completely missed the message behind it...

I prayed to the universe hard that particular day. I prayed that I would be as happy as the lark if I saw you even just that once before I head back to my adopted home in Australia. Funny how I lamented to Anna at the pub that I can forget it and 30 minutes later, I saw your SMS asking "Are you free tonight?" I was over the moon even though you didn't plan to come alone ( which I wished you did & i would have gladly left the crowd with you) without Photo. Still it was lovely to see you again...:)

My birthday just passed 2 days ago- I wonder if you realise it from Facebook because whilst I got birthday well wishes from friends and some old loves, I certainly didn't get one from you. Sometimes I wonder being 34 means anything. I had thought I would grow wiser with age and place lesser meaning to certain things but I find myself feeling somewhat similar to the way I felt when I was 18 or even 12 and I am still that girl that experiences that flutter in my heart...

I think I have exhausted my wish with the universe. And I really, really wish you would write me sometime...

XOXO