Tuesday, May 28, 2013
What is Love?
“Love is by definition an unmerited gift; being loved without meriting
it is the very proof of real love. If a woman tells me: I love you
because you're intelligent, because you're decent, because you buy me
gifts, because you don't chase women, because you do the dishes, then
I'm disappointed; such love seems a rather self-interested business.
How much finer it is to hear: I'm crazy about you even though you're
neither intelligent nor decent, even though you're a liar, an egotist, a
bastard.”
- Milan Kundera, Slowness
****
For the most part, I could almost always come up with a reason why I love somebody.
I used to love singing to DL the old jazz tune in my playful manner, "I love you for sentimental reason..."
In his quiet way, he would say "I love you for no reason..."
It made me think. With that and his actions, I allowed myself to stay on for a good many years. Some twelve years, not withstanding my misgivings which we both suffered in silence as we held on tightly to our different awareness of love.
****
Then for my one year of singlehood beginning late 2007 to 2008.
I thought I found a kindred spirit. A me in male form. Someone who shared a similar playful, polygamous essence that has given rise to an inclination for love affairs. Someone who was too trying to re-capture that part of lost youth, an empty lost soul on a quest for puer aeternus.
He was a liar, egotist, bastard and a polygamist. I loved him. I was crazy about him. His memory continued to haunt me for a few good years like bad grease that sticks.
I thought accepting those flaws was Love enough.
I continued to be me. Polygamous. Since we held the thieves' honour.
Except he did stop his polygamous ways on his own accord while I was in town.
His words contradicted his actions and I was supposed to follow suit?
And so I lost my love.
I was so self-centred, he must have said a hundred times over.
I couldn't indulge him with a lie.
My brutal honesty (which I thought was my expression of my love) was that knife that stabbed right into his heart which I took time to dragged it in and out many times over, he said.
You didn't give a rat's ass about me...
**
What is it about falling in love that people say?
You know you are in love when your body and heart stop wanting to be intimate with multiple people?
Whilst I am not an active seeker of romantic or intimate adventures for at least a good five years now, life is still one big social experiment or journey to embark on and I ride with the spontanieity as it comes.
I truly felt my love for him- he imprinted something special in my heart. We did have a special connection.
But knowing the odds are against me and the reality of our dynamics and differences would kill that magical moments we shared if I got too lost and drunken in love, I continued to conduct myself in the way of me.
Does that mean I love me more?
- Milan Kundera, Slowness
****
For the most part, I could almost always come up with a reason why I love somebody.
I used to love singing to DL the old jazz tune in my playful manner, "I love you for sentimental reason..."
In his quiet way, he would say "I love you for no reason..."
It made me think. With that and his actions, I allowed myself to stay on for a good many years. Some twelve years, not withstanding my misgivings which we both suffered in silence as we held on tightly to our different awareness of love.
****
Then for my one year of singlehood beginning late 2007 to 2008.
I thought I found a kindred spirit. A me in male form. Someone who shared a similar playful, polygamous essence that has given rise to an inclination for love affairs. Someone who was too trying to re-capture that part of lost youth, an empty lost soul on a quest for puer aeternus.
He was a liar, egotist, bastard and a polygamist. I loved him. I was crazy about him. His memory continued to haunt me for a few good years like bad grease that sticks.
I thought accepting those flaws was Love enough.
I continued to be me. Polygamous. Since we held the thieves' honour.
Except he did stop his polygamous ways on his own accord while I was in town.
His words contradicted his actions and I was supposed to follow suit?
And so I lost my love.
I was so self-centred, he must have said a hundred times over.
I couldn't indulge him with a lie.
My brutal honesty (which I thought was my expression of my love) was that knife that stabbed right into his heart which I took time to dragged it in and out many times over, he said.
You didn't give a rat's ass about me...
**
What is it about falling in love that people say?
You know you are in love when your body and heart stop wanting to be intimate with multiple people?
Whilst I am not an active seeker of romantic or intimate adventures for at least a good five years now, life is still one big social experiment or journey to embark on and I ride with the spontanieity as it comes.
I truly felt my love for him- he imprinted something special in my heart. We did have a special connection.
But knowing the odds are against me and the reality of our dynamics and differences would kill that magical moments we shared if I got too lost and drunken in love, I continued to conduct myself in the way of me.
Does that mean I love me more?
