Restructure- on your own terms

I was told that you know you have met The One when everything feels right with the person. There is no need to try too hard with “working on” the relationship and the mingling between the two individuals will just feel right, relaxed and un-stressful.

So guess who was the wise old soul who told me that? None other than my ex-partner, DL of 13 years. It feels like yesterday that we split up some 3 and a bit years ago. But he is always there. There to catch me when I fall.

I just got back from Bali today, ironically with DL and his girlfriend. We were visiting one of best friends, Mel from Jakarta and the four of us went on an “eat and drink” journey from Jakarta, Jogjakarta and our last stop in Bali. I passed by Ketuk Liyer, the fortune teller/ Balinese healing man in Ubud made famous by the novel and movie “Eat, Pray, Love” two days ago and I should have gone there.

2015 has been an emotionally tumultuous year for me what with a break up with my China young boy that I could not get over the fact that he cheated on me with my so called girlfriend, Sophia from Beijing. Despite my forgiveness, I found out she had further lied to me to drive a greater wedge between my young boy and me so she could have him to herself. Then Psycho Bitch with no self love and self- respect came back time and again to harass me when her plans foiled, he probably realised she wasn’t as charismatic an older woman ( he seems to have an inclination for older women- I am 15 years older and Sophia 12 years older than him) and wanted forgiveness and then decided I took too long to take him back and decided to be on his own with his stubborn pride…

I was supposed to marry him in July 2015, get him across to Australia and start a new life without my family’s blessing for such a mismatched reunion. But I was adamant and never loved so selflessly with disregard for practical social conventions. For the one and more years since we were together, I never once succumbed to other male distractions or temptations that came my way. I was simply in love and enjoyed being exclusive. I wanted to be his Mrs C….

It has been a year of travelling every 1.5 months- 2015 started off with Xiamen, followed by Singapore, Vanuatu, Italy (Rome, Positano, Capri, Ana Capri, Pisa, Florence and Laz Spegzia with stopovers in Beijing), Xiamen and Shenzhen(and I got stuck in Chongqing for 3 days, adding to my ever increasing places just visited), Singapore and then Indonesia . Lots of plane delays or missed trains and flights and I lost a USD$50 million deal thanks to Cyclone Pam, got made redundant in my full time job, rejected a few stellar job orders to pursue my self-employed dreams (yet again)…

So before I knew it 2015 went in a blink and before I could catch my breath from all the emotional turmoil and a year of busy-ness with my work.

Back in action for 2016 on a new foot- DL nearly went as far as to insist he pays for Ketuk Liyer if that helps me to erase my young Chinese jerk hard and fast. DL, Mel and his ever supportive girlfriend (whom is also my good friend), Angel begged me to stop getting caught up with a guy whom they have consistently seen me looking broken with bucket of tears. Some days I laid on the sofa motionless crying and crying, fetal position. Mel witnessed it whilst living with me for a while and even my Young Boy did whilst I visited him in Xiamen. He simply walked away and took a shower….

At the Jogjakarta Airport last week on our way to Bali, I had some alone time with DL whilst Mel and Angel went to sort out the payment of our flight changes. I was still caught up in yet another self inflicted saga of disturbedness with the mis-interpretation of a photo I saw on Wechat. To cut the long story short, I was tearing and I, for once, apologised to DL face to face for all the infidelities I have caused him over the years. Maybe it is my retribution with what my Young Boy was doing to me. It hurts so badly and I could not imagine the numerous times I have inflicted that on my ever loving and forgiving DL. Maybe it is retribution and learning curve. But you need to acknowledge that and  learn to move on from your own hurt. I did and so can you, he said.

Anyways, the bad must end before the good will come. I reckon. DL reckons. Angel reckons. That was how they found each other after coming out of bad relationships.

2016 must be a good year. I will say it out loud now what I really want- I want LOVE. Love of the real kind. My Career to fly- I have worked  hard on the deals for the last 2.5 years and we are doing amazing stuff for an entire country’s economy so surely something great should come out of it right?

Wish me luck and I will check back soon (if I still have any readers left) and keep all of you posted…

Writing has always been an amazing outlet to vent for me and my soul so I will endeavour to keep this up this year!