Sunday, March 30, 2008
Almost Catching 30
All that hectic travelling punctuated with flight cock-ups and transportation delays have done nothing to distract me from thinking and straying off in my thoughts.
I spent many nights lying alone on my big, comfortable bed with plush pillows (with no lover to hold me tight, especially the yearning for the Old Boy) in a 5-star hotel room thinking and thinking away, often drifting in and out of sleep. I had (and still have) lots to think about- my sense of feeling trapped in my work situation, the failure of shaking off the Old Boy who dominated the most part of my waking imagination and the very thought of DL and the Fluffball and the ability to let go… my tears constantly welled up my eyes.
On the weekend, I spent my last day in San Francisco with another friend from the old days in Paris. We had a blast in the year of 2004. She mentioned that her mum found a video of us all stoned from pot and hung over from cheap bottles of French wine in that bohemic apartment that I first rented alone. I vaguely remembered giving my two cents’ worth of the world in a snarling way I think and my hilarious confession of my lust for M. Yes M, who was so 2004, 2005 and 2006… Unfortunately, her mum couldn’t send it on time from Texas for us to re-live the good old bitter sweet of that part of my existence.
Larky and I spent my last evening in her beautiful Victorian era apartment that sat on the top of the hill, overlooking the wonderful views of the San Francisco skyline. She continued smoking pot and we reminisced our time and tear a lot-me about DL and her about Pat (who is M’s good friend and part of the Chilean boys; she regretted her actions and now understood his love for her). We started piecing certain missing puzzles together about M and what I am slowly beginning to get a bad taste in my mouth…
Larky was slowly beginning to be surprised about M’s visit to Singapore to visit me.
“He wrote to say he bumped into you in Singapore, P.”
(I didn’t mention also that M confessed that he didn’t consider Larky a true friend).
“No, he came to visit me. He stayed at my house.”
(Widened eyes and slight jaw drop).
“Oh my god, P. He made it sound so casual…Did you guys sleep together?”
“Yes.”
(Greater shocked face.)
“He said he loved me too.”
“Oh my god, P. I can’t believe this! He always made it out in Paris like you were the one coming onto him! Remember one night while you were crying, I slapped you and told you to wake up and forget about him?”
“Yup. And I didn’t understand why you did that…”
“So M did love you…”
“I thought he came to Singapore as a friend and wanted to have free lodging, to be honest and then I realised otherwise. After all, it was more than a year after Paris by then…”
“Oh my god, I still cannot believe this.”
“Yeah.”
Then I told Larky the story about his visit.
“Hey, so do you think if you were to move to Asia like Shanghai, you will end up with M?”
“No, don’t think so. Maybe we’ll shag and that’s about it. I am now at a different place emotionally Larky plus with what you have told me, I don’t think I could ever take him that seriously ever again.”
“But obviously he did loved you to come visit. Maybe he put it in that casual way because I was friends with Julie (the girl M cheated me with)…”
“Doesn’t matter now Larky. Truth is he misrepresented me that way in Paris. Don’t think I could be so giving of my heart to him like I did before. And he’s young and will have lots more to come for him…”
M will turn 25 June this year. Only.
See no stones are ever left unturned in my life, even if it meant much later.
****
There is just something that made me instantly fall in love with the city, San Francisco.
The wonderful Victorian architecture, with the numerous plantation shutters I noted within the apartments, the weather, the dog friendly environment, the friendly people and just the general layout of the entire city. I even spotted Danielle Steel’s house.
I feel I could live there.
The first thought that came to my mind was DL, the Fluffball and I. How perfect this city would be for us- I could so envision us living there and being happy. I was bursting in excitement to tell him, just like that day when I was in another state and was having the best Japanese buffet and got so excited I had to text him about the food and what a great business plan it would be for him in Sad Town or even Sydney.
****
Yesterday, I turned 29. The last of my twenty-something years I spent on the plane.
I waited to see who were the people I called my friends who would remember.
My parents had emailed me two days in advance.
Yesterday, the Older Sibling was the first to text me- “Happy Birthday! May this yr bring u great health, gd luck & happiness! xoxo”
Then came DL- “Happy Birthday AP (his nickname for me) It’s 29th of march, 3am here in Australia. Just remember it’s ur bd. C u on tue.”
Followed by Nano- “Hey P :) happy bday!”
Followed by B- “Grown any wiser?”
Followed by Old Boy- “Happy Birthday dear. Hope u have a gd one wherever u may be. Thinking of u fondly. Kiss Kiss.”
Followed by Ros- “Happy Birthday darling wish you pretty health and wealth will all be good for you so when you coming back (Sad Town) really need to catch up and Archie wants to wish you as well see ya when you back.”
Followed by V- “Happy Birthday P! Life begins at 29 :) May everything go well from here.”
Followed by Tina- “Happy Birthday to you P love Tina.”
Followed by the Younger Sibling-“ Hey happy birthday! Hope u have a good year ahead… be happy n treasure e things around :)”
Followed by Adel-“Hi gal Happy Belated Birthday!”
**
When I got home this morning, I logged onto my laptop and checked out my Facebook.
Three more messages written on my wall:
Ant: “Happy Birthday, my dear P.”
Koran: “many happy returns & many even better ones to come! hope u doing good & have an awesome one!” And a sweet u-tube Happy Birthday video.
Happy Birthday
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...
Cherry: “Happy Birthday, P.”
And then surprise!
A Facebook message from M:
“Happy birthday Miss P!!
Hope all is going well over there, any exciting news? (weddings, children new jobs?)
Here all is well in shanghai, raining today and spending a quiet day at home reading and relaxing...
Just talked to Random George the other day, he is in NY and Pat is working in New Zealand, surfing a lot...
Best wishes for the coming year and a big hug...
M”
****
I find myself crying heaps lately. Like now.
(The last clairvoyant who saw me looked at my face and she chided, "You love to cry don't you? What's there to cry about?")
I think of the Fluffball. I think of DL.
Then I think of my claustrophobia at work.
Then I think of the Old Boy.
Then there are more.
Congestion I feel.
I hope by the time I hit 30, I would have all my mess figured out.
****
Oh did I also tell you that Nano kind of proposed to me before I boarded the plane last night?
Something about us getting married on Wednesday. But I’m quite sure he meant it in jest.
Don't think you will all be hearing wedding announcements from me anytime time soon. Not before my 30th birthday at least, I don't think.
All that hectic travelling punctuated with flight cock-ups and transportation delays have done nothing to distract me from thinking and straying off in my thoughts.
I spent many nights lying alone on my big, comfortable bed with plush pillows (with no lover to hold me tight, especially the yearning for the Old Boy) in a 5-star hotel room thinking and thinking away, often drifting in and out of sleep. I had (and still have) lots to think about- my sense of feeling trapped in my work situation, the failure of shaking off the Old Boy who dominated the most part of my waking imagination and the very thought of DL and the Fluffball and the ability to let go… my tears constantly welled up my eyes.
On the weekend, I spent my last day in San Francisco with another friend from the old days in Paris. We had a blast in the year of 2004. She mentioned that her mum found a video of us all stoned from pot and hung over from cheap bottles of French wine in that bohemic apartment that I first rented alone. I vaguely remembered giving my two cents’ worth of the world in a snarling way I think and my hilarious confession of my lust for M. Yes M, who was so 2004, 2005 and 2006… Unfortunately, her mum couldn’t send it on time from Texas for us to re-live the good old bitter sweet of that part of my existence.
Larky and I spent my last evening in her beautiful Victorian era apartment that sat on the top of the hill, overlooking the wonderful views of the San Francisco skyline. She continued smoking pot and we reminisced our time and tear a lot-me about DL and her about Pat (who is M’s good friend and part of the Chilean boys; she regretted her actions and now understood his love for her). We started piecing certain missing puzzles together about M and what I am slowly beginning to get a bad taste in my mouth…
Larky was slowly beginning to be surprised about M’s visit to Singapore to visit me.
“He wrote to say he bumped into you in Singapore, P.”
(I didn’t mention also that M confessed that he didn’t consider Larky a true friend).
“No, he came to visit me. He stayed at my house.”
(Widened eyes and slight jaw drop).
“Oh my god, P. He made it sound so casual…Did you guys sleep together?”
“Yes.”
(Greater shocked face.)
“He said he loved me too.”
“Oh my god, P. I can’t believe this! He always made it out in Paris like you were the one coming onto him! Remember one night while you were crying, I slapped you and told you to wake up and forget about him?”
“Yup. And I didn’t understand why you did that…”
“So M did love you…”
“I thought he came to Singapore as a friend and wanted to have free lodging, to be honest and then I realised otherwise. After all, it was more than a year after Paris by then…”
“Oh my god, I still cannot believe this.”
“Yeah.”
Then I told Larky the story about his visit.
“Hey, so do you think if you were to move to Asia like Shanghai, you will end up with M?”
“No, don’t think so. Maybe we’ll shag and that’s about it. I am now at a different place emotionally Larky plus with what you have told me, I don’t think I could ever take him that seriously ever again.”
“But obviously he did loved you to come visit. Maybe he put it in that casual way because I was friends with Julie (the girl M cheated me with)…”
“Doesn’t matter now Larky. Truth is he misrepresented me that way in Paris. Don’t think I could be so giving of my heart to him like I did before. And he’s young and will have lots more to come for him…”
M will turn 25 June this year. Only.
See no stones are ever left unturned in my life, even if it meant much later.
****
There is just something that made me instantly fall in love with the city, San Francisco.
The wonderful Victorian architecture, with the numerous plantation shutters I noted within the apartments, the weather, the dog friendly environment, the friendly people and just the general layout of the entire city. I even spotted Danielle Steel’s house.
I feel I could live there.
The first thought that came to my mind was DL, the Fluffball and I. How perfect this city would be for us- I could so envision us living there and being happy. I was bursting in excitement to tell him, just like that day when I was in another state and was having the best Japanese buffet and got so excited I had to text him about the food and what a great business plan it would be for him in Sad Town or even Sydney.
****
Yesterday, I turned 29. The last of my twenty-something years I spent on the plane.
I waited to see who were the people I called my friends who would remember.
My parents had emailed me two days in advance.
Yesterday, the Older Sibling was the first to text me- “Happy Birthday! May this yr bring u great health, gd luck & happiness! xoxo”
Then came DL- “Happy Birthday AP (his nickname for me) It’s 29th of march, 3am here in Australia. Just remember it’s ur bd. C u on tue.”
Followed by Nano- “Hey P :) happy bday!”
Followed by B- “Grown any wiser?”
Followed by Old Boy- “Happy Birthday dear. Hope u have a gd one wherever u may be. Thinking of u fondly. Kiss Kiss.”
Followed by Ros- “Happy Birthday darling wish you pretty health and wealth will all be good for you so when you coming back (Sad Town) really need to catch up and Archie wants to wish you as well see ya when you back.”
Followed by V- “Happy Birthday P! Life begins at 29 :) May everything go well from here.”
Followed by Tina- “Happy Birthday to you P love Tina.”
Followed by the Younger Sibling-“ Hey happy birthday! Hope u have a good year ahead… be happy n treasure e things around :)”
Followed by Adel-“Hi gal Happy Belated Birthday!”
**
When I got home this morning, I logged onto my laptop and checked out my Facebook.
Three more messages written on my wall:
Ant: “Happy Birthday, my dear P.”
Koran: “many happy returns & many even better ones to come! hope u doing good & have an awesome one!” And a sweet u-tube Happy Birthday video.
Happy Birthday
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...
Cherry: “Happy Birthday, P.”
And then surprise!
A Facebook message from M:
“Happy birthday Miss P!!
Hope all is going well over there, any exciting news? (weddings, children new jobs?)
Here all is well in shanghai, raining today and spending a quiet day at home reading and relaxing...
Just talked to Random George the other day, he is in NY and Pat is working in New Zealand, surfing a lot...
Best wishes for the coming year and a big hug...
M”
****
I find myself crying heaps lately. Like now.
(The last clairvoyant who saw me looked at my face and she chided, "You love to cry don't you? What's there to cry about?")
I think of the Fluffball. I think of DL.
Then I think of my claustrophobia at work.
Then I think of the Old Boy.
Then there are more.
Congestion I feel.
I hope by the time I hit 30, I would have all my mess figured out.
****
Oh did I also tell you that Nano kind of proposed to me before I boarded the plane last night?
Something about us getting married on Wednesday. But I’m quite sure he meant it in jest.
Don't think you will all be hearing wedding announcements from me anytime time soon. Not before my 30th birthday at least, I don't think.
