Friday, October 10, 2008
Life's Theme Songs
There are always songs that we could relate thematically to our life's experiences.
I have a number of songs that I never tire from playing and replaying, because they almost seem like they have been written for me. I am more a lyrics person than a tune person.
****
The other day I went to yet another clairvoyant. I meant to ask about my professional life. Instead, she began to talk about the need to tidy up my emotional life and first mentioned about my promiscuity.
She could tell that I come out feeling empty each time I get involved in a casual affair and questioned myself why I even bother. But still, I keep repeating my mistake. Then there was also the thing about the men whom I loved or want and whom didn't reciprocate.
You are a very weird person, she said. And a very hard person to love, she continued. I would always first attract a man from having given him a glimpse of my innocence and then my personality become something else as he knows me further. I send out mixed signals and become elusive. One by one, the men dropped out. It is not easy for a man to love me, she concluded.
My intelligence has also led me to fall sometimes, she said.
I suddenly recall the day Nano left me at my house. He said, "You are too smart for your own good..." After that, he never saw me again for the rest of his stay in Sydney.
****
When I used to live that semi-charmed life in Paris in the old, bohemic apartment in the eighteenth arrondissement with the view of the Sacred Couer at my window, I used to play and re-play this James Taylor song whilst I lie in bed on those quiet night, the moonlight shining through the window where my emotions ebb and flow, sometimes in angst, pain and or emptiness.
It seems to resonate with the theme of my life with men- the end of love affairs or lost loves...
Don't Let Me Be Lonely Tonight
Do me wrong, do me right,
Tell me lies but hold me tight,
Save your goodbyes for the morning light,
But don't let me be lonely tonight.
Say goodbye and say hello,
Sure enough good to see you, but it's time to go,
Don't say yes but please don't say no,
I don't want to be lonely tonight.
Go away then, damn you,
Go on and do as you please,
You ain't gonna see me gettin' down on my knees.
I'm undecided, and your heart's been divided,
You've been turning my world upside down.
Do me wrong, do me right (right now baby),
Go on and tell me lies but hold me tight.
Save your goodbyes for the morning light (morning light),
But don't let me be lonely tonight.
I don't want to be lonely tonight.
No, no, I don't want to be lonely tonight.
I don't want to be lonely tonight.
****
The other night, V did a stay over at my house.
She had about two questions of the century that she still find it challenging to fathom.
One of them relates to why I am so in love with the Old Boy.
We were also on the topic of jealousy and I said I don't understand jealousy. Maybe if I did, I could never have tolerated sharing.
Then there was also my childhood sixth sense about falling for a married and polygamous man. I saw it coming but also didn't see it coming since I was mindful previously to not get myself into a situation as such but it was in my karma for it to happen.
Before I got into an emotionally sticky situation prior to meeting the Old Boy, this was a song that I struck up an instant chemistry with. I could relate to the lyrics I thought but then I guess my heart has been ran over so many times over from a case of boyfriends leaving for someone else and hence so...
Ah so there, that's the song to sum up my lousy love life of the past. Not for the future, I hope.
"Why Should I Care"
Was there something more I could have done?
Or was I not meant to be the one?
Where's the life I thought we would share?
And should I care?
And will someone else get more of you?
Will she go to sleep more sure of you?
Will she wake up knowing you're still there?
And why should I care?
There's always one to turn and walk away
And one who just wants to stay
But who said that love is always fair?
And why should I care?
Should I leave you alone here in the dark?
Holding my broken heart
While a promise still hangs in the air
Why should I care?
There are always songs that we could relate thematically to our life's experiences.
I have a number of songs that I never tire from playing and replaying, because they almost seem like they have been written for me. I am more a lyrics person than a tune person.
****
The other day I went to yet another clairvoyant. I meant to ask about my professional life. Instead, she began to talk about the need to tidy up my emotional life and first mentioned about my promiscuity.
She could tell that I come out feeling empty each time I get involved in a casual affair and questioned myself why I even bother. But still, I keep repeating my mistake. Then there was also the thing about the men whom I loved or want and whom didn't reciprocate.
You are a very weird person, she said. And a very hard person to love, she continued. I would always first attract a man from having given him a glimpse of my innocence and then my personality become something else as he knows me further. I send out mixed signals and become elusive. One by one, the men dropped out. It is not easy for a man to love me, she concluded.
My intelligence has also led me to fall sometimes, she said.
I suddenly recall the day Nano left me at my house. He said, "You are too smart for your own good..." After that, he never saw me again for the rest of his stay in Sydney.
****
When I used to live that semi-charmed life in Paris in the old, bohemic apartment in the eighteenth arrondissement with the view of the Sacred Couer at my window, I used to play and re-play this James Taylor song whilst I lie in bed on those quiet night, the moonlight shining through the window where my emotions ebb and flow, sometimes in angst, pain and or emptiness.
It seems to resonate with the theme of my life with men- the end of love affairs or lost loves...
Don't Let Me Be Lonely Tonight
Do me wrong, do me right,
Tell me lies but hold me tight,
Save your goodbyes for the morning light,
But don't let me be lonely tonight.
Say goodbye and say hello,
Sure enough good to see you, but it's time to go,
Don't say yes but please don't say no,
I don't want to be lonely tonight.
Go away then, damn you,
Go on and do as you please,
You ain't gonna see me gettin' down on my knees.
I'm undecided, and your heart's been divided,
You've been turning my world upside down.
Do me wrong, do me right (right now baby),
Go on and tell me lies but hold me tight.
Save your goodbyes for the morning light (morning light),
But don't let me be lonely tonight.
I don't want to be lonely tonight.
No, no, I don't want to be lonely tonight.
I don't want to be lonely tonight.
****
The other night, V did a stay over at my house.
She had about two questions of the century that she still find it challenging to fathom.
One of them relates to why I am so in love with the Old Boy.
We were also on the topic of jealousy and I said I don't understand jealousy. Maybe if I did, I could never have tolerated sharing.
Then there was also my childhood sixth sense about falling for a married and polygamous man. I saw it coming but also didn't see it coming since I was mindful previously to not get myself into a situation as such but it was in my karma for it to happen.
Before I got into an emotionally sticky situation prior to meeting the Old Boy, this was a song that I struck up an instant chemistry with. I could relate to the lyrics I thought but then I guess my heart has been ran over so many times over from a case of boyfriends leaving for someone else and hence so...
Ah so there, that's the song to sum up my lousy love life of the past. Not for the future, I hope.
"Why Should I Care"
Was there something more I could have done?
Or was I not meant to be the one?
Where's the life I thought we would share?
And should I care?
And will someone else get more of you?
Will she go to sleep more sure of you?
Will she wake up knowing you're still there?
And why should I care?
There's always one to turn and walk away
And one who just wants to stay
But who said that love is always fair?
And why should I care?
Should I leave you alone here in the dark?
Holding my broken heart
While a promise still hangs in the air
Why should I care?
