Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Touched
Have you ever been touched by a memory? A image of that point in time frozen in your mind that strangely move you to love?
I have different people in my life who left me with some poignant moments.
But this one I have, the mere gesture, the simplicity and the naturalness of it comes to haunt me every so often. Especially when I have exhausted my mind with sweet thoughts of human interaction.
****
Before sojourning to our designated hotel for our tryst to take place, albeit involuntary on his end and was to be the last time for us to come together, we used the public toilet in the carpark where his car was parked.
He relieved his bladder faster than I did and was waiting outside the toilet for me.
I got out of my cubicle and washed my hands.
I exited the toilet feeling disgusted at the lack of paper towels or a hand dryer. As usual, I had a little whinge.
He pulled out his hanky from his pocket and held my hand. A little sterned face, he gave it a good, serious wipe to dry one hand and took my other hand and did likewise.
The efficiency of a decisive man in charge of the situation. That simple action is one that suggested great care. Whoa, I wouldn't have shared my hanky with anyone, no joke, I thought.
Only older men carry hankies in their trousers.
He reminded me of my father- the many occasions he held his hanky to my face and let me blow my snot into it when I was a little girl during a case of emergency sneeze.
That day, I felt I was in love with him. More.
I relented. Afterwards, in the private confines of our room, I confessed and whispered "I love you."
*****
Alas, it was too late.
Have you ever been touched by a memory? A image of that point in time frozen in your mind that strangely move you to love?
I have different people in my life who left me with some poignant moments.
But this one I have, the mere gesture, the simplicity and the naturalness of it comes to haunt me every so often. Especially when I have exhausted my mind with sweet thoughts of human interaction.
****
Before sojourning to our designated hotel for our tryst to take place, albeit involuntary on his end and was to be the last time for us to come together, we used the public toilet in the carpark where his car was parked.
He relieved his bladder faster than I did and was waiting outside the toilet for me.
I got out of my cubicle and washed my hands.
I exited the toilet feeling disgusted at the lack of paper towels or a hand dryer. As usual, I had a little whinge.
He pulled out his hanky from his pocket and held my hand. A little sterned face, he gave it a good, serious wipe to dry one hand and took my other hand and did likewise.
The efficiency of a decisive man in charge of the situation. That simple action is one that suggested great care. Whoa, I wouldn't have shared my hanky with anyone, no joke, I thought.
Only older men carry hankies in their trousers.
He reminded me of my father- the many occasions he held his hanky to my face and let me blow my snot into it when I was a little girl during a case of emergency sneeze.
That day, I felt I was in love with him. More.
I relented. Afterwards, in the private confines of our room, I confessed and whispered "I love you."
*****
Alas, it was too late.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Reading
The ten tarot cards I picked unfolded before me one by one in the celtic cross formation. The clairvoyant looked at me. The first and last few cards suggested lots of help and financial success in my profession and then a loving relationship in the end. A child might even be expected by the end of the year. But initially she looked confused as the middle cards were filled with swords. There was a card with a heart stabbed with swords. She mentioned I was anxious and in pain over something or someone. But the cards that ensued suggested I was heading towards some form of inner peace.
"Let it go," she said.
"Sometimes you never end up with your soulmate. It's better to be with someone who loves you more than you do because you are a woman. Women are more emotional. The cards show that your current boyfriend loves you a lot and he is good for you. He will make you happy. My daughter was the same but now she is happy with someone else..."
We dealt a few more cards. Power,financial success and a happy marriage were the themes to my cards drawn. We'll see- I haven't been en forme for the longest time I could remember.
On Friday, my siblings were talking about a particular clairvoyant they went to who read their personalities and life situations accurately.
Yesterday, we bummed into her at the flea market.
Sat down I did and that was what she could see in me.
The ten tarot cards I picked unfolded before me one by one in the celtic cross formation. The clairvoyant looked at me. The first and last few cards suggested lots of help and financial success in my profession and then a loving relationship in the end. A child might even be expected by the end of the year. But initially she looked confused as the middle cards were filled with swords. There was a card with a heart stabbed with swords. She mentioned I was anxious and in pain over something or someone. But the cards that ensued suggested I was heading towards some form of inner peace.
"Let it go," she said.
"Sometimes you never end up with your soulmate. It's better to be with someone who loves you more than you do because you are a woman. Women are more emotional. The cards show that your current boyfriend loves you a lot and he is good for you. He will make you happy. My daughter was the same but now she is happy with someone else..."
We dealt a few more cards. Power,financial success and a happy marriage were the themes to my cards drawn. We'll see- I haven't been en forme for the longest time I could remember.
On Friday, my siblings were talking about a particular clairvoyant they went to who read their personalities and life situations accurately.
Yesterday, we bummed into her at the flea market.
Sat down I did and that was what she could see in me.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Back
I have just touched down in Sydney after a month and a half stay in Singapore.
Since Tuesday, I haven't felt well. Had the heart congestion after I saw the Old Boy for a brief lunch. Heaven knows why.
Met many interesting people during this trip and I made some useful contacts too.
Lots of story to tell but not too much focus to write.
Caught up with many old friends and saw little of my supposed best friends. I even feel funny going out partying without them-my dwindling number of close girlfriends, makes me feel somewhat uneasy, like I have forgotten to put on my undies before I went out.
Last night, I had a farewell. Guess what? The people who turned up were mainly my new found friends of the social set. All male, none of closest girlfriend in sight. One even specially sped his way from Malaysia to say his goodbyes with me since he said I was such a "sweet" and "nice" friend. Then there was many others who specially came. I am grateful but I feel that void, The void of lacking in close girlfriends. It gets me really down.
So many stories, so little focus.
Maybe the next time, I will summon the energy to write.
Now, i just want to head back to Sad Town, move into that lovely red bricked house we are due to move into next week (fingers crossed that things don't fuck up at the eleventh hour as they often do), be in the arms of DL and Fluffball and forget about it all. I want to forget that the littlelest things, like people and friends could affect me more than they could have imagined.
Now I am sobbing inside.
I have just touched down in Sydney after a month and a half stay in Singapore.
Since Tuesday, I haven't felt well. Had the heart congestion after I saw the Old Boy for a brief lunch. Heaven knows why.
Met many interesting people during this trip and I made some useful contacts too.
Lots of story to tell but not too much focus to write.
Caught up with many old friends and saw little of my supposed best friends. I even feel funny going out partying without them-my dwindling number of close girlfriends, makes me feel somewhat uneasy, like I have forgotten to put on my undies before I went out.
Last night, I had a farewell. Guess what? The people who turned up were mainly my new found friends of the social set. All male, none of closest girlfriend in sight. One even specially sped his way from Malaysia to say his goodbyes with me since he said I was such a "sweet" and "nice" friend. Then there was many others who specially came. I am grateful but I feel that void, The void of lacking in close girlfriends. It gets me really down.
So many stories, so little focus.
Maybe the next time, I will summon the energy to write.
Now, i just want to head back to Sad Town, move into that lovely red bricked house we are due to move into next week (fingers crossed that things don't fuck up at the eleventh hour as they often do), be in the arms of DL and Fluffball and forget about it all. I want to forget that the littlelest things, like people and friends could affect me more than they could have imagined.
Now I am sobbing inside.
