Sunday, December 24, 2006
BUYING TIME PART II
( a sequel to Part I and letter to Big Boy)
That chosen gentleman hails from a professional and intellectual background. His eloquence and clever wordplay has appealed to P’s senses and that never failed to titillate her mind and fire up her imagination of what he could possibly be made for. A bit of a writer he is and with that wicked sense of humour, P knows this is it! His tall physique and his manly demeanour quite fired her up and she finds the receding hairline that marked the maturity of that Big Boy rather sexy. He might well be the one to invigorate her long dormant soul. Mutually attracted to each other physically and intellectually, she wanted to lead him to her world to share what she believes he might be capable of understanding. She had placed her bet on him and would still have continued to do so…
Ingrained in her mind that joint experiences should arise meaningfully, she was convicted that they could both satisfy their respective agendas. His, she figured stemmed from the desire to be carnally satiated and the possibility of marking her as his territory. She can be quite a charming female companion to a society man really and therein lays her good value. Here, her usually assertively self is rather intrigued into submission. And she knows that he would pleasure her in many ways. Saliently, she reckoned he might well form the muse and companion that she seeks to be inspired through their engagement in intellectual and salacious banter. That might well be the key to helping her comprehend those bits that she could identify herself with him. She has caught glimpses of him captured in his writings and like her, Big Boy is the middle kid of same sex siblings and is too born on the same day but the following month. P is a strong believer in the birth order theory and numerology, where the combination of social theory and “superstition” have helped her to gain a better feel for one’s psychological disposition and facets of one’s personality- through the combination of one’s pre-disposed nature and the nurture.
This exercise (which she deemed in all her joint experiences as a laissez faire intellectual) could well be the rite of passage that would mark the dawn of a new era – that much anticipated intellectual break and satisfaction that she had struggled to find in her life and amongst lovers. The experience with the one who could engage her mind, body and soul. It has to date been an uncharted territory.
She loves a good deal- that is, killing as many birds with one stone. He had provided her with the possibilities of what her A and B-lists of prospects had failed to inspire. She would grant him but most importantly, herself that one last chance before she would hang up her sails. He, who was chosen to be her one last social experimentation/ encounter. He, whom she entrusted with that influential task of making a mark in her dark secret being. So Big Boy was to play the significant role in the annals of her secret history and to mark the grand finale to that privately unorthodox life that dyes the very core of her dark soul.
****
Big Boy had propositioned to take her for a dirty trip somewhere in Asia in September. Serendipitously.
It was proposed that she would be entirely his. Such a bold request to P, an individualist who only ever lives life on her own terms and has shunned the notion of being the someone’s possession. What ever happen to the rise of the modern, independent woman? However, this time the mere idea of being owned by someone spun her wheels. Saliently, he would dominate that span of her life and when taken place, would be irreversible. She was all ready to give in to that request without a fight.
Having been rather acquainted with P electronically, she wonders if he has come to realization that she has placed a huge emphasis on one’s history. The opinion of what goes down in one’s experiences is important despite whatever flaws it possesses. It must be something that one could reconcile with or even better, being able to look back and say, “At least, been there done that” to mark whatever milestones that may arise from an egotistical or meaningful agenda. That is, one must be at least satisfied with the choice of work one has done to contribute to the history of oneself and live with it. Life is too short and she has no wish to dwell in regrets. Regrets from one’s actions could be confounded through making newer histories. Hopefully with time, the regrets would recede with an ageing memory.
****
She welcomed all the great possibilities of this joint experience. She had planned to give him her utmost attention to pleasure him and vice versa. To put her vulnerable self in his sole care and be aware of what she might be capable of feeling. And let him catch on the nuances of her persona.
So for weeks, the meaning of life took on a certain vigor. P found herself sweating more excessively in the gym and paying more attention to her body. Then she would come home laden with new outfits to complement the new- found adventure of her life. She even started playing dress ups again and perhaps felt like she was eighteen once more. But this time, a tad sexier and a little more womanly. At nights, her imagination got fired up as she was filled with naughty, dirty thoughts of their prospective playtime. Her creativity too experienced a lift as words flowed more easily and it made her surer that he was to be that patron to her laisseiz faire intellectual soul.
(Big Boy, more to come in a bit ;) Still trying to re-arrange the words and do serious justice in expressing my thoughts. )
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