Sunday, May 30, 2010
Grown Up
For the first time in two days, I became acquainted with the idea that I am actually a grown up. I mean, it felt to me like a slap on the head to wake up.
I suddenly felt quite awake from that.
My first of encounters began with people asking me about my "hubby" or wanting me to send their regards to my "hubby", namely DL. Of late, I have been getting a lot of that. I have been assumed to be married or rather, hold the status of a married person (god, I cringe at the thought of being a "woman").
I reckon running a very expensive business must make people think of me as a grown up, plus doing it with my partner/ boyfriend. Such a legally binding and expensive venture must make one assume that we have (dead knot)tied the nuptial knot.
Then I have been asked if I have children. Hell no, I would normally reply.
You see, I have (life)long held the view that being married and having kids are in the league of grown ups. I, "Young P" am not one.
Suddenly, it feels like self denial.
Except, it isn't. I don't feel grown up. My bank account will attest to that- I must have had much more when I was thirteen. I am not ready to grow up, much as the numbers are stacking up like a naggy grandmother. Bugger!
So last night, I was at an event where we sponsored a prize through our business to support a charity. I caught up with an old uni friend, Gemma who is also Singaporean. She confessed to me that she is really quite conscious about her age and not being married.
Why? I asked.
She has a great career, bought herself a nice apartment close to town, still looks young and have tons of social activities to keep her occupied.
That was precisely why, she said. Now isn't it time to take the next step?
I beg to differ, I said. I reckon I would want to be in good old Gemma's position anytime. My next step would be myself and exploring and trying to do all the things I couldn't do from my lack of financial resources in my youth. Life is too short to settle (down).
Last night, I wore a black art-deco style dress that DL bought me on my 23rd birthday, topped with a white faux fur 3/4 length sleeved bolero jacket. I found myself staring at the image of a thirty something lady in the mirror at the ladies' room.
It shocked me.
We rubbed shoulders with diplomats from our home country. They thanked us for sponsoring a prize for the event. As usual, they asked how long we have been in Ozland for. Eleven years for me and twelve for DL, we replied. They asked if we did our bachelor degree in Australia-yes we replied. Two of them made quick calculations of our ages and particularly one pig-faced fella eyed us suspiciously (as we exchanged business cards) and asked what we used to do prior to having this business. Meaning how did we manage to possibly accumulate such great wealth to own a business (albeit in dire straits unbeknownst to them) like that. Typical Singaporean- always measuring!
For once (phew!), those people must have thought we were a bit young for have achieved (or rather screwed up) like this!
I did feel somewhat old- me going up the stage to draw a prize for the lucky winner, being someone "in the business community" who have contributed. Imagine that! Like a VIP. Couldn't feel anymore grown up!
Especially when the bank account is constantly being depleted and the skin is fast youth-depleting, I never feel much more in need of magic age defying face creams now than ever before! I used too much of the good stuff in my youth when I should be doing that instead. My oh my, what a terrible place to be- regressing!
Oh, one last grown up tip for ladies out there, my take for the best youth elixir cream is from Sisley. Use the entire skincare and make up range if you could reach deep into your pockets!
Or snare a sugar daddy to buy you some before you look too old to get one!;)
I sure am saving my last pennies to look anything but grown up! Imagine that in less than 10 years, I hit the big 4-ty (or is it faulty???!!!!)!
For the first time in two days, I became acquainted with the idea that I am actually a grown up. I mean, it felt to me like a slap on the head to wake up.
I suddenly felt quite awake from that.
My first of encounters began with people asking me about my "hubby" or wanting me to send their regards to my "hubby", namely DL. Of late, I have been getting a lot of that. I have been assumed to be married or rather, hold the status of a married person (god, I cringe at the thought of being a "woman").
I reckon running a very expensive business must make people think of me as a grown up, plus doing it with my partner/ boyfriend. Such a legally binding and expensive venture must make one assume that we have (dead knot)tied the nuptial knot.
Then I have been asked if I have children. Hell no, I would normally reply.
You see, I have (life)long held the view that being married and having kids are in the league of grown ups. I, "Young P" am not one.
Suddenly, it feels like self denial.
Except, it isn't. I don't feel grown up. My bank account will attest to that- I must have had much more when I was thirteen. I am not ready to grow up, much as the numbers are stacking up like a naggy grandmother. Bugger!
So last night, I was at an event where we sponsored a prize through our business to support a charity. I caught up with an old uni friend, Gemma who is also Singaporean. She confessed to me that she is really quite conscious about her age and not being married.
Why? I asked.
She has a great career, bought herself a nice apartment close to town, still looks young and have tons of social activities to keep her occupied.
That was precisely why, she said. Now isn't it time to take the next step?
I beg to differ, I said. I reckon I would want to be in good old Gemma's position anytime. My next step would be myself and exploring and trying to do all the things I couldn't do from my lack of financial resources in my youth. Life is too short to settle (down).
Last night, I wore a black art-deco style dress that DL bought me on my 23rd birthday, topped with a white faux fur 3/4 length sleeved bolero jacket. I found myself staring at the image of a thirty something lady in the mirror at the ladies' room.
It shocked me.
We rubbed shoulders with diplomats from our home country. They thanked us for sponsoring a prize for the event. As usual, they asked how long we have been in Ozland for. Eleven years for me and twelve for DL, we replied. They asked if we did our bachelor degree in Australia-yes we replied. Two of them made quick calculations of our ages and particularly one pig-faced fella eyed us suspiciously (as we exchanged business cards) and asked what we used to do prior to having this business. Meaning how did we manage to possibly accumulate such great wealth to own a business (albeit in dire straits unbeknownst to them) like that. Typical Singaporean- always measuring!
For once (phew!), those people must have thought we were a bit young for have achieved (or rather screwed up) like this!
I did feel somewhat old- me going up the stage to draw a prize for the lucky winner, being someone "in the business community" who have contributed. Imagine that! Like a VIP. Couldn't feel anymore grown up!
Especially when the bank account is constantly being depleted and the skin is fast youth-depleting, I never feel much more in need of magic age defying face creams now than ever before! I used too much of the good stuff in my youth when I should be doing that instead. My oh my, what a terrible place to be- regressing!
Oh, one last grown up tip for ladies out there, my take for the best youth elixir cream is from Sisley. Use the entire skincare and make up range if you could reach deep into your pockets!
Or snare a sugar daddy to buy you some before you look too old to get one!;)
I sure am saving my last pennies to look anything but grown up! Imagine that in less than 10 years, I hit the big 4-ty (or is it faulty???!!!!)!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Script
Some people are very good at sticking to their scripts. I mean their life scripts, like script of how they envision their adult lives to be.
Fifi, an old schoolmate of mine is a prime example. When we last caught up, she is this high maintenaince tai tai who drove me around in black BMW 6-series convertible. She married well to a high profile investment banker. She is now a lady of leisure.
Even so, prior to that, she was one of my best paid friend out of university, averaging $10k a month as a private banker right from the start. So there, she made it where she had always wanted to be.
What about yours truly?
I don't know. I kindda know where I wanna go but the journey there has always been murky.
As you see, I am prone to change courses at mid stream. First, I use my head to choose a seemingly foolproof path, then I get bored and unhappy and then I quit.
So I keep changing and must have lived a few lives over.
Again, my choice of men also comes into question.
Much as I always hope to snare a high flying corporate eagle, I find myself less inclinded to stick to the script of being with one. Not quite my type, I think. An attractive proposition as a lover or maybe even a sugar daddy and I can think of anything else I would want to do with men like that... can't see myself as a compliant home maker and organiser of parties in a first wives' club scenario. Well, I can see the part of myself organising a party but engaging in petty tittle tattle with other wives' is not my cup of tea. I think I might be too outspoken or might prove to be a shocker with my words.
But then again, who is really my type?
Ironically, I am very good at memorising scripts. Perhaps just not too good at acting them out.
Some people are very good at sticking to their scripts. I mean their life scripts, like script of how they envision their adult lives to be.
Fifi, an old schoolmate of mine is a prime example. When we last caught up, she is this high maintenaince tai tai who drove me around in black BMW 6-series convertible. She married well to a high profile investment banker. She is now a lady of leisure.
Even so, prior to that, she was one of my best paid friend out of university, averaging $10k a month as a private banker right from the start. So there, she made it where she had always wanted to be.
What about yours truly?
I don't know. I kindda know where I wanna go but the journey there has always been murky.
As you see, I am prone to change courses at mid stream. First, I use my head to choose a seemingly foolproof path, then I get bored and unhappy and then I quit.
So I keep changing and must have lived a few lives over.
Again, my choice of men also comes into question.
Much as I always hope to snare a high flying corporate eagle, I find myself less inclinded to stick to the script of being with one. Not quite my type, I think. An attractive proposition as a lover or maybe even a sugar daddy and I can think of anything else I would want to do with men like that... can't see myself as a compliant home maker and organiser of parties in a first wives' club scenario. Well, I can see the part of myself organising a party but engaging in petty tittle tattle with other wives' is not my cup of tea. I think I might be too outspoken or might prove to be a shocker with my words.
But then again, who is really my type?
Ironically, I am very good at memorising scripts. Perhaps just not too good at acting them out.
Before and Now
Finding out that friends have moved on, got married, fallen pregnant, bought an expensive sportscar in the Maserati league and much, much more makes me feel like I have lagged far behind.
Whilst the quality of people's lives seem to improve, mine seems to be deteriorating.
Fuck, I am 31-truly an adult, no matter how young at heart I feel.
I am in Queensland at the moment- as always, an involuntary effort to be here. I face my nemesis tomorrow.
Not feeling the best at the moment- I suspect it is a case of status anxiety I am suffering.
I am getting a headache.
Finding out that friends have moved on, got married, fallen pregnant, bought an expensive sportscar in the Maserati league and much, much more makes me feel like I have lagged far behind.
Whilst the quality of people's lives seem to improve, mine seems to be deteriorating.
Fuck, I am 31-truly an adult, no matter how young at heart I feel.
I am in Queensland at the moment- as always, an involuntary effort to be here. I face my nemesis tomorrow.
Not feeling the best at the moment- I suspect it is a case of status anxiety I am suffering.
I am getting a headache.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Suspension
I am temporarily putting my anxiety on hold.
That's what I feel like doing at the moment.
Reading blogs of ex-classmates who are getting famous in fashion just sends this warm, fuzzy feeling within me that sends my anxiety (from my current less than optimal life) to oblivion.
I feel that surge of excitement bubbling over as I try to contain my addrenalin rush. For some reason, it almost feel like I am living that life. Or rather, I feel I am capable of achieving that life in this lifetime.
About a week ago, I came up with yet another new sustainable and functional fashion creation. I found some scraped material at daisy's house. I drew and cut the pattern and Daisy sewn it up. Voila, I turned it into functional wear.
I took that inspiration further and experimented my idea that has appeared to work. I have been containing my excitement for the past few days, twigging at my sample and looking out for more of Daisy's scraped materials. I should really patent it.
Yeah, so once again creativity saves my day- right now I try to stay precariously in that happy place, holding my excitement close to my chest.
I am temporarily putting my anxiety on hold.
That's what I feel like doing at the moment.
Reading blogs of ex-classmates who are getting famous in fashion just sends this warm, fuzzy feeling within me that sends my anxiety (from my current less than optimal life) to oblivion.
I feel that surge of excitement bubbling over as I try to contain my addrenalin rush. For some reason, it almost feel like I am living that life. Or rather, I feel I am capable of achieving that life in this lifetime.
About a week ago, I came up with yet another new sustainable and functional fashion creation. I found some scraped material at daisy's house. I drew and cut the pattern and Daisy sewn it up. Voila, I turned it into functional wear.
I took that inspiration further and experimented my idea that has appeared to work. I have been containing my excitement for the past few days, twigging at my sample and looking out for more of Daisy's scraped materials. I should really patent it.
Yeah, so once again creativity saves my day- right now I try to stay precariously in that happy place, holding my excitement close to my chest.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Holding my breath...
that's what we have been doing for the past one week.
A week ago exactly, I nearly lost my main business.
My gut feeling told me something wasn't right in the manner of the person who made the decision. I wasn't sure what it was. I had to think hard.
Think P, think harder...
I said a little prayer to someone up there.
This couldn't be it.
That fucker wasn't doing the right thing by us. Take our business away and still insist that we pay up.
Pay up? DL and I asked. If we had the money, would we still have to lose the business. It doesn't make sense, I retorted.
We stood our ground.
Fucker had no choice and said he would get back to us.
That night, fucker's tone changed and suddenly said he was going to "help" us.
Voila-it was within his powers but fucker just didn't want to dig into his own pocket first-there was be some contractual agreement between him and the bigwig that he had the obligation.
Anyways, we saved the day or rather our own business.
More trouble brewing in fucker's way.
Someone found a loophole in a contract- seems like we might not have the obligation to pay up the said amount.
That someone is taking fucker up legally for a few other reasons that spiralled out of control from this invoice.
So DL and I continue to hold our breaths.
We hope that someone wins because the impliocations for the rest of us will be huge in a favour.
I am waiting and waiting....
Wish us luck and justice!
We need tons of it...
that's what we have been doing for the past one week.
A week ago exactly, I nearly lost my main business.
My gut feeling told me something wasn't right in the manner of the person who made the decision. I wasn't sure what it was. I had to think hard.
Think P, think harder...
I said a little prayer to someone up there.
This couldn't be it.
That fucker wasn't doing the right thing by us. Take our business away and still insist that we pay up.
Pay up? DL and I asked. If we had the money, would we still have to lose the business. It doesn't make sense, I retorted.
We stood our ground.
Fucker had no choice and said he would get back to us.
That night, fucker's tone changed and suddenly said he was going to "help" us.
Voila-it was within his powers but fucker just didn't want to dig into his own pocket first-there was be some contractual agreement between him and the bigwig that he had the obligation.
Anyways, we saved the day or rather our own business.
More trouble brewing in fucker's way.
Someone found a loophole in a contract- seems like we might not have the obligation to pay up the said amount.
That someone is taking fucker up legally for a few other reasons that spiralled out of control from this invoice.
So DL and I continue to hold our breaths.
We hope that someone wins because the impliocations for the rest of us will be huge in a favour.
I am waiting and waiting....
Wish us luck and justice!
We need tons of it...
